Advice: Crushing Hard pt 2

[TofuEater]

Hi everyone,

I'm back with some much needed wisdom. It's regarding the guy I am crushing on (part 1 here).

So things have progressed quite a bit. We've hooked up all the way once after the initial encounter and fooled around just earlier this week, and our interactions have been pretty 50/50 (and daily) now vs me doing all the leg work. He sends me pics of himself at work or in the car, and we say good morning to one another every other day or so.

In addition, we basically see each other like 2-3 times/week (helps that we live in the same condo) and end up cuddling watching movies with one another or cooking for each other.

Now, I can't tell if this is just a normal thing gay friends do, cause he's told me he loves to cuddle in general. Or are these things you generally only do with people you want to end up in a relationship with?

Also, his messages are back and forth. He'll call me his cutie and boo, which makes me think he is into me, but last night he said "you're a nice guy [insert name]. And you're awesome." That comment sounds like friendzones with benefits to me (though I found it odd/interesting he called me by my first name when he said it), or I'm over thinking the comment.

My only hesitant with being open about this is because he is still relatively fresh out of his former relationship, and I don't want to scare him and lose him in general.

What do you all think?

 

[Seasoned]

What you think he's telling you or what we think he's telling you by his words and actions may or may not be accurate. He's the only one who knows for sure. I understand that you don't want to scare him off or force him to declare what he's not ready to declare. You'd be well served by enjoying what you have rather than worrying about the future. Continue to be gentle with your words and actions. You have something wonderful. If you continue to be confused as to his intentions there are ways to clarify things with him that don't involve picking a China pattern. When that time comes and if your words were to push him away, it would be something that was already on the horizon. If a question were to end a relationship you can be sure there was little to no foundation. You guys seem to have a lot going for you. I hope it works out.

 

[KaraBulut]

...What do you all think?

You're overthinking this.

It's only been a couple of months that this has been in the works and it sounds like it's been a matter of weeks that the two of you have been hanging out and hooking up.

It's really okay to live day-by-day when it comes to new relationships. As long as you both are happy with the relationship, there's no need to try to rush things or try to make it into something more than it is.

If you're still seeing each other several weeks from now, then it would be time to discuss whether it's a FWB or whether you're dating.

 

[TofuEater]

thanks guys! Really helpful stuff...I wish I just had telepathy though hahaha. I guess I'll continue to take it slow and just see where it goes.

As I said, regardless...I do want to keep him as a good friend at the least

 

[eastofeden]

Cuddling and cooking is definitely something I did with friends more than lovers once upon a time because with lovers...I was afraid of intimacy...not so with friends...and yeah..I slept with friends here and there...

BUT..everyone is different and I would advise you to turn your brain off and enjoy the time you spend with him and not worry about defining it. Let it unfold as it will.

It isn't about the destination anyway..is IS about the journey..

 

[offthewall14420]

Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. And if I threw a party, invited everyone I knew. The biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say Thank You for being a Friend.

 

[tarallucci]

If you're still seeing each other several weeks from now, then it would be time to discuss whether it's a FWB or whether you're dating.

Yes, keep enjoying time with him and then after some more dates you should be able to understand if he wants to be in a relationship with you. It's too early to guess anything now, he's surely being nice to you but you have a crush on him... so be prepared for a friendship and let's see how it unfolds. Maybe he's a bit slower than you with falling in love

 

[TofuEater]

Re: Advice: Crushing Hard pt 2 [UPDATED]

Thought I'd circle back around and give an update.

We decided to make it official a little over two months ago, and it's been amazing so far. Everything has just felt pretty natural, and comfortable. We also adopted a dog a few weeks ago (have always talked about it even as friends), and she's been great!

To that effect, I decided to fully come out to friends & family...and that all went super well as well. Everyone was insanely supportive (dad took a bit of time to come around, but is great now) didn't make a big fuss out of it.

I can definitely say I've had it lucky with everything the past several months.

Thanks everyone for your help/advice

 

[Craiger]

Congratulations on the steps forward you have taken and making it "official." You sound happy, relieved, and very comfortable in your new open life. Best to you and your other half...

Craiger

 

[swerve]

That is SO AWESOME to hear!!!

EVERYTHING!!!

YAY!!!

 

[tarallucci]

How sweet. I'm glad to know it turned out this well.