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Advice? (Monogamy)

IamNoah

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Forgive me if this is the wrong section.

My husband and I are monogamous.

We tried to have a threesome once, but it turns out your mouth on my man's pink bits makes me want to punch you, not join in. We ended up awkwardly finishing the poor dude and sending him on his way, but we've been together for four years and he was way less experienced than me so I almost feel a duty to open things up a bit. Still though stray cocks in one's hearth, home, and twink seem dangerous to the health and stability of the relationship.

I've considered taking a page from my grandmother's book and instituting a don't ask don't tell policy regarding extracurricular activities, but the idea of someone touching him, particularly the idea of someone young, fit, and you know, white, touching him makes me feel....what's the word...homicidal.

Can two 24 year old guys really last a half a century or more without bedding any strangers?

His opinion on these matters are similar to mine. He'd take advantage of the idea to play elsewhere, but if I slept with someone else he'd hunt dude down and turn his balls into earrings.

This also isn't helped by the fact that we might be slightly over-involved and codependent--my initial pursuit of the lad could fairly be described as stalking.

Thoughts?
 
Hello and Welcome

If that is how you feel, then I do not recommend additional partners or open relationship status.

It is difficult at 24. It is difficult at 64. I have attributed my long relationship with an occasional third. Men crave new and exciting sex naturally. Obviously sex isn't everything in a relationship. However, in your case you have to balance that out with realistic expectations. Your relationship won't last shrouded in jealousy.
 
Jealousy =/= love.

I don't love my husband because someone else touching him doesn't thrill me? I've never been good at sharing boss, but really I love him. I love him enough to be considering something that disturbs me in fact.
 
I'm not in a relationship nor ever expect to be, but were I, I'm pretty sure monogamy would be the way things would have to work.

I think I'm hard wired that way.
 
Since you're asking for thoughts, here's one that may or may not relate:

A close friend told me more or less the same one time, that he couldn't stand the thought of somebody else touching his man. Fast forward a couple of years, and he's happily non-monogamous. So, these things can change.

What changed for him? I don't know for sure, because I'm not him. But it seems to me that he's become more relaxed, confident, and generally more "grown up". But I admittedly have a bit of an anti-monogamy bias, so feel free to take that with a grain of salt.
 
What exactly are you asking us? That you want to try an open relationship? That you think you should give him a chance with someone else? Or that you want a chance with someone else?

Best I can give you is, talk it out with the utmost honesty and decide what each of you want and go from there. "Don't ask don't tell" will be super destructive, believe me.
 
I don't love my husband because someone else touching him doesn't thrill me? I've never been good at sharing boss, but really I love him. I love him enough to be considering something that disturbs me in fact.

Just because two things (jealousy, love) aren't the same thing doesn't mean that they are mutually exclusive.

It means that if you're not sure enough that the way you feel for each other is strong is enough to have an open relationship, then you probably shouldn't go down that path.
 
What exactly are you asking us? That you want to try an open relationship? That you think you should give him a chance with someone else? Or that you want a chance with someone else?

Best I can give you is, talk it out with the utmost honesty and decide what each of you want and go from there. "Don't ask don't tell" will be super destructive, believe me.

Yes I feel like sooner or later human nature would make him resent me maybe for all the peckers he didn't kiss. Plus I'm not comfortable with the idea of restraining him from doing much of anything that he wants to do. He's wonderful, beautiful, supportive, open, kind, self-sacrificing and all that Jazz--that stuff can turn into something like martyrdom though in the long run.

Meh. We're both the type though to spend the next 60 years going "Oughtn't we? No. But really, shouldn't we? Maybe. We really definitely mustn't. Yes, one does feel. I know. You could. Only if won't bother you. It would. I shan't. Together perhaps. Oughtn't We..." in an eternal loop until someone dies.

Also I think we'd both be more comfortable with the other bedding ugly people and then what's the point? Poor Logan already has to bed Noah.

This post should probably end. I'm talking to myself now. It's gotten terribly awkward.

Oh look, it's a duck.
 
I [STRIKE]can imagine[/STRIKE] have imagined dozens of guys I've wanted to fuck over the years. It was fine to just be imaginary.
 
But he's only had sex with three guys. I've had sex with...more than that...

We are the same age, but not really. And I'm afraid I might've gotten the guy too young, you know. I'm old and tired. My Husband's bed and memories of blowing random guys honestly satisfies me. But I keep thinking maybe he has wild oats to sew and either I "let" him or maybe just does it on his own and realizes he's like way too great for me and leaves me for someone less crappy--for goodness sake I just gained ten pounds out of nowhere, I'm often silent for hours at a stretch, or super verbal and *weird* (like now), I hate, HATE, HATE dance music, I like Game of Thrones, I overreact to people passing gas, but I don't pick up after myself. It wouldn't really take a lot for him to notice how hard I suck I'm just not sure whether fucking other guys would distract him from my suckiness or maybe just point it out from the contrast.

I really would just like him to do whatever he needs/wants to, but me not have to know/talk/think about it.

Rose and Joe Kennedy had a great marriage.

I'm done with this for a bit. Probably not.
 
If he's 24 and he's "only" had sex with 3 guys he's doing just fine.

Most men don't even hit 6 partners until their 40s, and that means trying a few things with a few different people and then settling down with someone who clicks. He found you. Ta da.
 
This post should probably end. I'm talking to myself now. It's gotten terribly awkward...
I'm done with this for a bit. Probably not.

JUB forums have quite a few older gay men, many of whom have been in relationships for well over a decade. There's a few that started their relationships before you were born. None of those relationships are perfect and all have had their ups and downs. You might consider that the men in long-term relationships might have some wisdom for you about their experiences.

The thing about advice is that you're not required to follow it or even agree with it. However, when you ask for advice, you should listen and give some thought to it.
 
You have issues with monogamy, jealousy, and probably insecurity (which usually leads to irrational possessive neurosis), do not try anything but monogamy until you've worked this out - and you may never get there.

The gay world is littered with the corpses of "open relationships" because guys get into them trying to "fix" something, opening up your relationship wont fix anything - it will make your problems worse.
 
JUB forums have quite a few older gay men, many of whom have been in relationships for well over a decade. There's a few that started their relationships before you were born. None of those relationships are perfect and all have had their ups and downs. You might consider that the men in long-term relationships might have some wisdom for you about their experiences.

The thing about advice is that you're not required to follow it or even agree with it. However, when you ask for advice, you should listen and give some thought to it.

What as strange response...

I love that Hand of Fatima you use as your avatar.
 
You have issues with monogamy, jealousy, and probably insecurity (which usually leads to irrational possessive neurosis), do not try anything but monogamy until you've worked this out - and you may never get there.

The gay world is littered with the corpses of "open relationships" because guys get into them trying to "fix" something, opening up your relationship wont fix anything - it will make your problems worse.

One suspects this is very true.
 
I'd advise you to stop thinking for your boyfriend. Partners are likely to have had varying past experiences. Worrying about the future is a waste of time. People either are or are not suited to monogamy, and people are also likely to fantasize regardless of whether or not they are monogamous.

My husband and I will celebrate 31 years this year. We are monogamous. That's by conscious discussion and choice. It might not have always been easy, but it has given us something positive over time.

There's no magic number of dicks that would satisfy a person and make them ready to be satisfied with one. A person either wants or needs monogamy or not.

Keep talking to your boyfriend. Role play can add some spice as well.
 
Is monogamy between two young guys possible? Of course. But you both have to want it. If you feel the "need" to have a threesome just to add some spice to your life...you're going about it the wrong way. If you both would like to be involved in a threesome, but feel uncomfortable with someone joining in as an "equal" 3rd member, maybe try to make it a gradual experience that works its way up to a full-fledged threesome. First, invite someone just to be an observer, no touching. Then slowly incorporate the first, second, and third bases, etc...
 
OP -

You make relationships sound like a prison. He's with YOU because he wants to be... not because he has to. I would imagine any adult that agrees to any committed relationship has weighed the pros and cons before hand. He's fully aware of what he is, or is not missing out on by being with you. He obviously thinks you're worth it.

... and believe it or not, not every gay guy wants to be out whoring every dick in town. Some are perfectly content to find their Mr. Right and live happily ever after. Don't believe the stereotype we're all insatiable cock whores.
 
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