Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guys.

[mooki33]

I am having such a tough time meeting someone. I have tried online and out at clubs and bars. I have had boyfriends and people who notice me when I'm out, but it's rarely the person i am interested in. Oh of course when you do connect the person is from out of town or lives hours away. I need some advice on how to break the ice and make a great impression. I am not really a shy person, but I do need signals from the other person before I can approach them. I get so embarrassed if they reject me and I don't know what to say after that. I guess I am a good flirt and I do try the eye contact and smile thing to see if they respond in kind. Here is an example of what happened last weekend:

I was our dancing and I saw this really cute guy. I know he saw me looking at him but he didn't hold eye contact for too long. I thought maybe he was just shy so when he went to the bathroom I approached him friend and got the 411. He was single and open to dating Black guys. The friend offered to introduce us. I told him to tell him I was interested and point me out and if they came over to me I would know. Well, it never happened. The friend talked to me later and just told me his friend needs time but I am definitely his type of guy. At that moment the guy I thought was cute started dancing in front of me a bit. It seemed like a tease. I was going to dance with him but then I had this image of him suddenly walking away and I would be mortified so I just let him dance around a bit.

Friends have said that when I stop looking I will find love. I've stopped and still there is nothing. Maybe I am just meant to be alone. I am getting frustrated and cynical about dating. I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do

 

[lovrboy24]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

I am having such a tough time meeting someone. I have tried online and out at clubs and bars. I have had boyfriends and people who notice me when I'm out, but it's rarely the person i am interested in. Oh of course when you do connect the person is from out of town or lives hours away. I need some advice on how to break the ice and make a great impression. I am not really a shy person, but I do need signals from the other person before I can approach them. I get so embarrassed if they reject me and I don't know what to say after that. I guess I am a good flirt and I do try the eye contact and smile thing to see if they respond in kind. Here is an example of what happened last weekend:

I was our dancing and I saw this really cute guy. I know he saw me looking at him but he didn't hold eye contact for too long. I thought maybe he was just shy so when he went to the bathroom I approached him friend and got the 411. He was single and open to dating Black guys. The friend offered to introduce us. I told him to tell him I was interested and point me out and if they came over to me I would know. Well, it never happened. The friend talked to me later and just told me his friend needs time but I am definitely his type of guy. At that moment the guy I thought was cute started dancing in front of me a bit. It seemed like a tease. I was going to dance with him but then I had this image of him suddenly walking away and I would be mortified so I just let him dance around a bit.

Friends have said that when I stop looking I will find love. I've stopped and still there is nothing. Maybe I am just meant to be alone. I am getting frustrated and cynical about dating. I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do

you sound a bit like me. i have always been reserved and scared to approach guys. i think the key is to give off the vibe that your interested and eye contact is a must. when he was dancing near you, give a gentle but seductive glance letting him know your interested and give a small smirk/smile. maybe start dancing with you body language hinting at the fact you would be interested in dancing with him. turn his direction and dance like you want him. that always my thing. i never initiate, only tease a bit till the guy walks over or does something.

i dont know how old you are but i cant imagine you are that old. until you are in your thirties and forties and still haven't found someone, i think thats the point you should seriously start looking (eg. online dating, etc.). your to young still, just enjoy the moment, flirt a lot and learn how to put out the right signals. it will come. trust me it just takes time and everyone is different.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

You didn't have any trouble approaching his friend, so why would you have trouble approaching the guy? I don't have "people" - if you're interested, talk to ME.

The best advice I'd give is to find some other places to meet people. The pressure tends to be on something fierce in a bar and club, and even online. There's the feeling that you have to make this person go ga-ga for you in the first five seconds, or else nothing's going to happen.

Instead, why not go elsewhere? The bookstores and coffee shops in the gay part of town, for instance. Start mini-conversations with people. Some might not be LTR material, but they might make good friends.

Lex

 

[mooki33]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

don't EVER EVER EVER do the through-the-friends thing. nothing to me is more 5th grade than my friend going "that guy over said you're hot". is speaking to new guys easy? no. but overcoming your fear is the difference between having a date saturday night or spending the weekend blogging about being dateless.

5th grade? Ouch! I've never really seen anything wrong with the through-the-friend-thing. It's just a different approach. But thanks for the reply.

 

[mooki33]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

You didn't have any trouble approaching his friend, so why would you have trouble approaching the guy? I don't have "people" - if you're interested, talk to ME.

The best advice I'd give is to find some other places to meet people. The pressure tends to be on something fierce in a bar and club, and even online. There's the feeling that you have to make this person go ga-ga for you in the first five seconds, or else nothing's going to happen.

Instead, why not go elsewhere? The bookstores and coffee shops in the gay part of town, for instance. Start mini-conversations with people. Some might not be LTR material, but they might make good friends.

Lex

Clearly I didn't have any pressure approaching the friend because he wasn't the one I was interested in and he knows him and his type. The funny thing is the friend took my number and said they go out all the time and Luis is just quiet and takes a bit to warm up to people. He suggested that I meet them out again. I told him I didn't want to impose and he said that it's how he gets comfortable with people...hanging out and having drinks.

I guess we will see what happens. But thank you!

 

[Kyros Christian]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

Dont flirt. Just eye fuck and somewhere in there that leads to fucking.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

Even so, once he gave you a positive sign, you should've approached the guy directly. It's not up to "friend" to play telephone for you. And if you approach the guy yourself, you can 1. be sure he DOES get your phone number, AND 2. ask for his. Then there isn't any "I guess I'll just have to wait and see"ing.

Lex

 

[mooki33]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

to me, and some of my friends, using a friend to get to someone says something about your character. you're not bold, you don't take chances and you don't speak up. to me nothing is sexier than the confidence to approach ME. confidence is often a dealbreaker when meeting new people, it's far more attractive than being timid and scared.

maybe it's just me and i admit it could be but you seem to be borderline insulting or at the least overly harsh. i know i asked for advice but not a lecture. i can assure you i am not a timid person. i just find it hard to approach people when they are not alone. if the friend had left to go to the bathroom i would have been more comfortable in approaching Luis.

 

[mooki33]

Re: Advice needed on: Flirting and approaching guy

i'm not being harsh, i'm giving you what you asked for, advice and even better, i'm applying it to real people instead of speaking figuratively and in fantasy. you COMPLETELY prove my point with the part i bolded. IMO that displays a lack of confidence or self-assurance which is a MUST for me to take someone seriously when they approach me. it may not be what you want to hear, but it's the truth for me in response to the topic you've suggested. just because it speaks against your action/behavior doesn't mean i'm saying you're an awful person, i'm not saying you don't deserve love, i'm saying me and my friends wouldn't take someone seriously who did third-party connecting. whether its confidence or something else for YOU, for ME and some of my friends, i/we HAVE to have somebody who's confident and bold enough to approach me. that's ENTIRELY in response to the topic you've brought up. i'm not calling you names or being disrespectful, i think you're taking what i'm saying and my personal preferences too, well, personally. i apologize if it SEEMED i was trying to put you down but that wasn't the intention. if you read what i said and take it for what it is, it's the EXACT advice you were looking for, applied to real people. what i'm saying is that there's a confidence displayed in approaching people that some people find attractive. on the flip-side, some people (like me) find it unattractive and juvenile to do the whole "tell your friend i think he's hot" kinda thing. what i'm telling you is that love is out there, you deserve it, and you may find better results if you get a little more bold in your approach to people. if your intention is to remain shy and in the background, the ONLY way you'll really get connected is through people approaching you, an action that, when suggested to you, you've taken offense to. what i'm saying is go after what you want with tenacity and fervor and you may end up more likely to get it.

I did re-read what you said and I guess it was how you chose to say it that put me off. But there are things i can take away from it.