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Advice on dating a Bisexual (?) guy with a child?

A

aijalon18

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I've been casually seeing this guy for a few months. I'm keeping it casual b/c I'm moving this summer and he has a child. It might sound mean but I'm just not ready to seriously date someone with a child. He's a very young dad at 25 and his son is 2. His ex is crazy and has no idea we are involved. I'm sure if she did know he liked guys she would take him to court. Which is just a huge mess.

Luckily things have been going fine so far. Honestly they have been more than fine. I have never had such a good time with a guy before. I never thought I would meet someone with such an amazing personality. He's so funny and soooo sexy. We are so in sync and sometimes i feel like he reads my mind.

The thing is I don't think he is gay or really bisexual. I know for a fact he likes girls. But I don't think he likes guys in general. I know he likes me but I think that's it. I would be a lot happier if he was a traditional bisexual but I don't think that's the case. .

I know that our connection is so strong and he doesn't have that with anyone else. We talk every day throughout the day on the phone. And we BBM throughout the day. it's kind of embarrassing. When we are on the phone he ignores all his other calls unless it is his son's mother.

My question is am I an idiot for not trying to make it work b/c of soon-to-be long distance and a child? i feel like I won't be able to find something as good. I've never been one to alter my career/life plans or goals for a guy and i don't want to start now.
 
Have fun and keep exploring thoughts, feelings and playfulness with this guy. I'm gay but was married to a woman and have two children. My partner fell in love with me observing me interact with the kids.

I don't think I'd turn down a professorship to babysit, but I'd look for alternatives before I'd move.

The world is full of crazy exes whether they'd be women or men so anyone with a past could bring that issue to the table.

I don't think there is such a thing as a traditional bisexual, but before reordering your life you need to hear from him how he defines himself and what are his ultimate relationship goals. Good luck with your decision making.

Check into the laws regarding custody in your state. No need to scare yourselves.
 
who cares his 'sexuality' if you honestly believe he's sexually and emotionally attracted to you? (I feel like half I say on here is "Kinsey Scale" now a days)

To answer your question though? No I don't believe its wrong for your to keep things simple/casual for now. You will be moving away and this guy has a kid so he's not likely moving anywhere. So unless you have the option to stay in town and get whatever it was you were moving away for then its gonna be a problem.


Now, we also don't know how far away your moving. An hour ain't a big deal but 4 hours could be (unless you spend weekends together or something like that)


In the end it comes down to how far away your moving, how you feel about the guy when you finally move and where you see this going
 
What about his actions indicates he's not "really bisexual?" Like Scottyboi, I feel like much of my answers simply rehash Kinsey. If this guy enjoys your company, likes to be with you and talk to you and enjoys sex with you, what's the problem? Don't pigeon-hole him.

Are you correct in keeping it casual? I don't know. Does he know you're leaving town? What does he think of that situation?
If you two can talk for hours, it seems you could be asking him how he feels about the level of the relationship. Maybe he'll be perfectly fine enjoying what he has, for the time he has it...
 
aijalon18 said:
I've been casually seeing this guy for a few months. I'm keeping it casual b/c I'm moving this summer and he has a child. It might sound mean but I'm just not ready to seriously date someone with a child.

My question is am I an idiot for not trying to make it work b/c of soon-to-be long distance and a child? i feel like I won't be able to find something as good. I've never been one to alter my career/life plans or goals for a guy and i don't want to start now.
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I think you're making a good choice. If you aren't into seriously dating someone with a child, then it makes sense to keep it casual.

As to him being bi or gay, I would ask him about it, but ultimately it's not that important if he's into you and treating you nicely, which he is.

As to never being able to find something as good, hopefully you will be able to. I thought I'd never be able to find someone as good as my ex and thankfully I was wrong.

Good luck regardless!
 
aijalon18 said:
My question is am I an idiot for not trying to make it work b/c of soon-to-be long distance and a child? i feel like I won't be able to find something as good. I've never been one to alter my career/life plans or goals for a guy and i don't want to start now.
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No, you certainly aren't an idiot. You have three things here that are key:
1) He has a child - you're not ready to get serious with someone with a child
2) You will soon be relocating to a long-distance from him
3) You aren't ready to change your plans for him

any of those would be good enough reason keep it casual.

His child is always going to be his first priority. If you can't accept that - then you are opening yourself up to heartbreak.

You know - you may never find someone as good. But sometimes when someone is unattainable he seems more appealing. It's unclear to me whether he wants more out of this relation ship right now. Is he aware that you are moving away? Maybe your relationship is so strong because there is no expectation for the long term.
 
I dated a lot of bisexual men when I was in my 20s and early 30s...it was fun . Most of the men were married to women or had girlfriends...so my advice is to keep it light and fun.
 
We spoke today and he told me is roommate is leaving at the end of this month and he wants me to move in until June when his lease expires and I leave. Then he thinks we should do long distance. He thinks since we talk so much on BBM and the phone it wont be that big a change. i think he's being unrealistic. He just threw all this new info at me, so now im even more confused.
 
aijalon18 said:
We spoke today and he told me is roommate is leaving at the end of this month and he wants me to move in until June when his lease expires and I leave. Then he thinks we should do long distance. He thinks since we talk so much on BBM and the phone it wont be that big a change. i think he's being unrealistic. He just threw all this new info at me, so now im even more confused.
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What is BBM?

You can give it a try, but it will be difficult if your feelings don't change about him having a child. Personally, I wouldn't move in with him because it will just make it more difficult when you have to leave and will move things a step above casual.
 
Sounds to me like he wants something more then casual

So the question becomes: Do you want this to become something more than casual? Are you interested in trying a long-distance relationship? (after all, if things don't work out they don't work out/least ya tried)

^- and this has nothing to do with moving in with him. This is whether you want the relationship to be casual/more serious

Also - how do you like his kid? Because you are gonna start seeing this child *a lot* if you do move in with him

Personally, I'd give the relationship a bit more of a chance and try the long distance thing later on but I *wouldn't* move in with him, but thats me
 
BBM is BlackBerry Messenger. It's basically like a chat application for blackberry. And we chat all day every day. The one time we didnt I lost my phone. I had gotten so used to talkin to him that my whole day sucked until I got my phone.

As far as his son goes, I actually love him. He's adorable and so smart. And if I'm honest, when his mom has him for a while I actually miss his son. I have never thought of myself as a kid person and wasnt sure if I wanted kids so it's really weird.

So if I do move in or try to take it further, I'm not sure how to proceed. So far we do no pda in front of his son. We pretty much just act like friends in front of him. But one time we were watching a movie and he was resting his hand on my thigh, and his son woke up and his eyes darted for where his hand was and looked confused. I'm thinking I should keep the pda underwraps until our relationship is clearly defined and there is more commitment to a future. I would love to know if anyone else dated a guy with a child and how they handled it?

BTW, it is a 2-bedroom apt so we wouldnt be sharing a bedroom for the most part.
 
aijalon18 said:
BBM is BlackBerry Messenger. It's basically like a chat application for blackberry. And we chat all day every day. The one time we didnt I lost my phone. I had gotten so used to talkin to him that my whole day sucked until I got my phone.

As far as his son goes, I actually love him. He's adorable and so smart. And if I'm honest, when his mom has him for a while I actually miss his son. I have never thought of myself as a kid person and wasnt sure if I wanted kids so it's really weird.

So if I do move in or try to take it further, I'm not sure how to proceed. So far we do no pda in front of his son. We pretty much just act like friends in front of him. But one time we were watching a movie and he was resting his hand on my thigh, and his son woke up and his eyes darted for where his hand was and looked confused. I'm thinking I should keep the pda underwraps until our relationship is clearly defined and there is more commitment to a future. I would love to know if anyone else dated a guy with a child and how they handled it?

BTW, it is a 2-bedroom apt so we wouldnt be sharing a bedroom for the most part.
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Well if you like his kid, I would continue with the relationship and see where things go. It sounds like you've thought about things carefully, which is good.
 
My suggestion is that you call him for a talk. You know, the see-where-this-relationship-is-going talk. Maybe that would help you decide if it's worth the effort of a long distance relationship.
 
Well you seem to *really* care about the guy and his kid but whats holding you back is the whole "I'm leaving soon" bit


How far away are you gonna be from him exactly? Would visiting on the weekends be a possibility?
 
I would not move in with him BECAUSE of his son. You and your bf may be able to easily handle your Long distance - but the closer you get to his son - the harder it will be for him to all of a sudden have you disappear from his life.

(I say this as a parent of young children)
 
aijalon18 said:
My question is am I an idiot for not trying to make it work b/c of soon-to-be long distance and a child? i feel like I won't be able to find something as good. I've never been one to alter my career/life plans or goals for a guy and i don't want to start now.
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Then don't.

You've already created the exit door from the relationship- a summer move and the complications of someone with a crazy ex-wife, a child and an ambiguous sexual orientation.

But... you're 1/2 of this (or more accurately 1/3 because of the child involved). This is conversation you should be having with him, not us.
 
The only way to figure it out to call him up and talk.
Only then will you decide if the reasons you've given us (which are valid ones) will come into play.
 
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