Advice on how to get out there?

[Wcw10891]

I'm 19, been pretty open with my sexuality for most of my life, went through the whole 'bi' thing in middle school, and knew i was gay Freshmen year, and then finally started tellign any one and everyone in my junior year, so for the rest of high school i was out and then graduated,

once i did that, i decided to join 5 dating sites

Adam4Adam,
Bigger City,
Bear 411,
Plenty of Fish
Manhunt

just looking for something, in high school, i only hung around girls cause they got me, and also never got along good with guys cause i didnt feel masculine enough, or i was attracted to them, i was the only out gay guy in my school who wasnt wearing bright neon and strutting down the hallway.

i was just a normal teen, with no big issues, and when i told people i was gay, i would get "NO WAY!!".

anyway, joining these sites i realized that people around my age just want to fuck. Its sad really because i feel like an outcast in my own community because i am really new, but i dont know what it is, i just cant go and fool around with someone.

I guess you could say that i have morals, but im not saying people who screw around alot don't have them, i guess i just have a different set of them?

Adam for adam wasn't good, lots of guys just saying "we should fuck tonight" and thats it, didnt come away with anything with that, and ended up deleting my profile, Manhunt, i realize was my fault the name basically says that you join this site for sex only lol, or at least thats what i got from the messages.

Plenty of fish went no where, sent out messages, never got replies, everyone on there is liek a model or twink.

i am far from a twink, i got a good amount of meat on my bones, hairy, tall, wide shoulders, i dont fit into the sterotype i guess.

bear 411 and bigger city were good, talked to a lot of nice guys on there, but these guys are all upwards or 45.

now dont get me wrong i am attracted to daddies, but i think only in porn and pictures, because i cant see myself with a guy who is 45 years old. and same thing on bigger city, lots of nice guys, but either way older than i am, or just really too big for me (like 500 pound guys) again nothing wrong with that, but, i pride myself on not being picky, but there are some thigns that i just not attracted to.

i dont have any gay friends, just ones i occasionally talk to online that live in different states, and what not, and what i want to do is have a gay friend where theres no pressure to suck his dick or anything.

so my question to anyone that got to this point lol, is how to i get myself out there, and meet good friends? Ive never been to a gay club, but from what i heard is that most of the people there arent looking for relationships obviously.

i dont know if its to do with me being a virgin or whatever, but i just cant put myself down to fooling around with some one with no meaning, but the more i read and stuff it seems that, thats the only way to gain any contact with someone.

sorry for the really long rant, longer than i expected it to be lol, just dont have anyone who understands me, to talk to about these things. any tips would be great, but im glad i at least got this out there, in case someone is feeling the same way

 

[lonnie1]

One of the things that worked for me was paying for erotic massage. I've met a dozen guys over the years who have become really good friends. Several of them have evolved to no massage--just friendships. You'll find many of the erotic masseurs are really great people to talk to. Try several and if you find one you seem to connect with, see him several times and see if a friendship develops.

 

[Seasoned]

It seems as though you would like a social gay life. If you have access to bars and clubs I'll assume you also have access to something social. Just google gay and your city. Go to a gay bar and pick up the local literature. Start your own book or movie club. Any local professional or community theater around? Not all gay, of course, but not a bad place to start to look. Any art galleries or tourists sites that need docents?

Broaden your search a bit and don't be afraid to try to get something organized.

Good luck.

 

[Bent-On]

I've somewhat of a similar problem, but the 'gay bar' (I'm reminded of that song here, lol) in the city closest to my location is really terrible.

I've never went there, but what I've seen from the pictures, website, news articles in the local paper and the promotional events that they organize there, I don't even want to walk past the place for fear of being associated with that den of depravity and gaudiness.

What an embarrassment.

Also there is the risk of running into someone that I know. I'm still in the closet.

 

[altlover85]

I've somewhat of a similar problem, but the 'gay bar' (I'm reminded of that song here, lol) in the city closest to my location is really terrible.

I've never went there, but what I've seen from the pictures, website, news articles in the local paper and the promotional events that they organize there, I don't even want to walk past the place for fear of being associated with that den of depravity and gaudiness.

What an embarrassment.

Also there is the risk of running into someone that I know. I'm still in the closet.

If you run into someone at the gay bar, they are probably gay too. Generally straight people don't go to gay bars to see who's gay.

To the OP, you've gotten some great advice from soreknees. I also want to say just because someone sleeps with you on the first date doesn't mean that he isn't relationship material.

 

[Bent-On]

Yes, but that would still involve a certain awkwardness.

 

[altlover85]

Yes, but that would still involve a certain awkwardness.

Life involves a certain awkwardness.

 

[Wcw10891]

"To the OP, you've gotten some great advice from soreknees. I also want to say just because someone sleeps with you on the first date doesn't mean that he isn't relationship material"

thats the problem, i dont want to have sex on the first date, i dont feel liek i shoudl have to HAVE sex with a guy and then see what happens.

 

[altlover85]

"To the OP, you've gotten some great advice from soreknees. I also want to say just because someone sleeps with you on the first date doesn't mean that he isn't relationship material"

thats the problem, i dont want to have sex on the first date, i dont feel liek i shoudl have to HAVE sex with a guy and then see what happens.

I'm not saying you have to have sex with a guy on the first date. I'm simply saying relationships have come from doing so.

It sounds like you have a good idea of what you want and hopefully you've gotten some ideas on where to go to find the kind of guys that you'd like to be with.