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Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably gay!

EvilDonkey2008

EvilDonkey2008

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Jul 23, 2008
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Location
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Hello everyone:

I am a longtime lurker here and have been trying to get up the nerve to write this post for several weeks.

I have just gotten out of a LONG hetero relationship which included 5 years of marriage. While I identified as bisexual for some time, since everything ended a couple of months ago, I am realizing that I really have no desire to date women which, obviously, leads me to believe that I am gay. Bi or gay, however, I know I am interested in men!

My former spouse was really the only person I ever dated. This means that I am completely unprepared for dating, much less dating men. I simply don't know how to meet people, approach people, where men like us hang out, etc. I am totally not into the bar scene (straight or gay) and the idea of picking anyone up in a bar kind of freaks me out. I have a looked into online sites like Match and OkCupid but don't really know what to make of them.

So, please give me advice on what I should be doing as I explore this new world. I am in St. Louis, MO so any localized advice would be AWESOME. I have seen how supportive you all can be so I am hoping that you will be able to help me out. I am really scared and don't have any gay friends to talk to. This is really the only place I know to go.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

EvilDonkey2008
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

There are a lot of us that were a one time married and are now coming out---I also have never really dated and it is very strange getting up to speed in a gay world. I mentioned in another thread that sex seems much easier to get than a date and so far it's been very true for me.

check out the local gay organizations---St. Louis has a good sized gay community---lots of nice Jubbers in the area as well.
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

Ack! There was a JUB meet in St Louis in...April? Is that right? A lot of great guys met up there...

I'll send Abs into this thread to see if he can provide specific insight.

Lex
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

Yes--I do remember a JUB meet being there----:D
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

From what I understand St. Louis has a solid gay community. I would suggest that you find out what is offered in the way of organizations and clubs and such. I would think this would be a good way to meet people and slowly introduce yourself to the community. Gay religious organizations (like Dignity for gay Catholics) and churches are good non-threatening places to meet people. Once you've met a few and start to know your way around the "scene" then you can worry about dating. I'd bet you'll find many others who find the idea of dating just as awkward as you do.

Though many consider the internet as just a way to "hook up" I can vouch for it as a perfectly good way to meet nice people and even find a husband.

Have fun!(*8*)
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

Hi EvilDonkey and welcome to this forum. I am in St. Louis, too, and the posters above are correct--it has a solid gay community.

I will PM you separately about things specific to this region, but, in general, meeting people is pretty easy and usually revolves around finding areas of common interest with other people, whether they be sports, hobbies, socializing or what have you. Dating, and wooing, men is new to you, especially after a marriage, I know. Many of us have been in that exact same situation. In some ways, it's liberating and in some ways, daunting.

Good luck, and welcome again! :wave:
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I really appreciate them all and know that a lot of you guys have gone through the same thing that I am going through now. It is nice to hear comforting words because I, like many of you once were, feel like I really don't have many people, if any, to talk to and I am thoroughly confused and absolutely terrified.

Averageguy, thanks for the offer of the PM. I look forward to it.
 
Re: Advice Please-I'm in St. Louis-and probably ga

I am in the exact situation as you. I was married for 9 years and have 2 small children. After years of suppressing thoughts and urges I was able to admit to myself I was bi. Once my wife found that out our marriage was over. There had been other problems along the way but that was the catalyst. Shortly after coming to terms with the divorce I was able to admit that I am gay. I made a similar post here and have met some great friends. They helped me feel better about myself and realize that there is a new world out there. Take advantage of it and make the best of your life. I truly wish I would have came out long ago instead of denying and hiding who I really am. What you need to do now is get out, make some friends and learn all you can about you. Don't sit around and wait for it to happen because it never will. You have to take the steps and make the friends. Don't worry about dating and all of that right now. You just took a giant step. Let is sink in and the rest will happen when it's time.

PM if you like. I will be more than happy to share experiences or just talk.

Steven.
 
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