The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Advice Regarding Best Friend

Joined
Aug 18, 2006
Posts
7
Reaction score
0
Points
0
This is my first ever post on this board, and it's going to be a long one, so sorry :P.

I've had a crush on my best friend for about as long as I've known him - I met him about a year and a half. Despite only knowing him for a year and half, we've become very close and know each other quite well. My best friend is engaged and will get married in May.

A few days ago, he was having relationship problems, and I gave him advice. At this point, my crush had grown really bad - to the point that it was almost all I was thinking about and I couldn't take it anymore. I looked around on the internet for advice on whether I should tell him, and I asked a friend or too.

That night, I finally told him (over IM) I had a crush on him, and had one for a long time. He said he was very flattered and that he was glad I could tell him. We talked a lot about our friendship, and a little bit about sex. I half-jokingly told him that if he ever wanted to experiment he could contact me - he laughed and said basically thanks for the offer. I asked him if he had any gay experiences (he said no, not even kissing a guy) and I asked him if he was circumsized, to which he said yes (circumsized cocks really turn me on for some reason). We then had to end the conversation because his finacee was begging him to go to bed.

Over the weekend we hung out but never had the chance to continue our conversation. Everything seemed normal and fine, no big deal, but I couldn't stop thinking about him the entire time.

Fast forward today, I was able to get him alone on IM and talk to him a little bit. I asked him if he felt weird regarding our relationship, and he said he felt a little odd that a guy had a crush on him, but that that wouldn't stop letting us be friends.

I then propositioned him that if he ever wanted to know what an hj or bj felt like, he wouldn't have to reciprocate, and that I personally believed that if he had ever thought about it, it would be good to expand his sexual experiences (which I believe too, even though I know I am gay, I would like to try having sex with a girl and have always been curious about it). He basically said he was good for now, but that he would keep the suggestion in mind. I asked what his chances were of him changing his mind, and he said 1 in 100 (which I took to mean as never - in other words, I'm not getting my hopes up).

Then I told him that if we were going to talk about sex, that we should lay some ground rules to prevent things from getting awkard. I asked him what questions would be weird and gave him an example, such as "how often do you jerk off", and he said he'd answer that, but not what technique he would use. I didn't get the chance to actually ask him any questions, since I had to go at that point.

That was this morning - since then, I keep wondering if I went too far. I get the dread in my stomach that I went too far and that he might view me now as a "recruiter".

How far should I push questions about his sexuality (obviously anything would be interesting to me, but our friendship is extremely valuable to me too)?

Have I already gone too far?

It can be hard sometimes to get him alone to talk about it, and I don't want to have to constantly ask him if he's alone because he might bother him - what should I do about that?

What's the best way for me to keep our friendship, do you guys think? Am I just overreacting?

Thanks everyone!

- shocking
 
Why do you want to torture yourself? What possible benefit can knowledge of his intimate sexual behaviour gain you? This sort of conversation is totally inappropriate on the eve of his wedding.

As you describe your converations it is apparent that you are initiating all the questioning. That alone is sufficient indication that he has little interest in the subject matter. If you continue with this he is very likely to get bored and drop you. There's also a probability of his wife's suspicion and jealousy over these late night communications, should they continue. This could threaten his marriage but any fantasies you might have that he'll flee to you for support are misplaced.

If he was at all interested in having a sexual interaction with you then he'd be marrying you, not his fiancee. If you genuinely want to retain his friendship then back right off, keep a low profile and find a boyfriend of your own.
 
Sigh, you're totally right, I fucked up. I still feel like I should have told him that I have a crush on him because our relationship is so important that I feel like I have to be honest.

Even though this might be hard to believe, I genuinely want things to work out between him and his fiancee. I know that I can't have him, so I really want him to be happy. It's not really a "fantasy" of mine to have him come to me when he's having problems, but he does confide in me often because we are such good friends.

Things are just so messed up, and a lot of it is becuase I'm not really all that active in the gay community here. I'm in college, but the gay people here that I've interacted with generally aren't the crowd that I want to make friends with. Not because they're gay, but because they're personalities don't really match mine, I don't feel like.

Thanks a lot for your advice!

- shocking
 
Spreadeagle is completely right Shocking....you will only torture yourself and end up without a good friend.
Count yourself lucky he did not punch you on the nose, storm off and demand that yuo never speak to him again.
 
I'm not one to judge. However, without knowing the details of your friendship, I think you might have crossed a line.

Personally, I would not pursue this any further. Either the questions or the pinning.

Think of what you may be keeping yourself from if you attach your emotions to this man who is not only uninterested but most likely will never reciprocate anything of a sexual of intimate nature.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but don't get drunk at the wedding.
 
heh, we drink a lot together and nothing has happened between us, so that hasn't been a problem.

At any rate, I've already e-mailed an apology to him (we've both found that online is the best way to communicate, although we usually do it by AIM, this way, he can respond as he finds time for) and I'm hoping this will turn out alright.

Like I said, I totally agree that everything after me telling him I have a crush him was wrong and was corssing a line.

I'll post an update once I hear from him.

Thanks again!

EDIT: He also told me earlier today that he still considers me a really good friend, so that's a positive.
 
I wouldn't say wrong. You have to get things off your chest from time to time.

To what I was referring regarding the drinking comment, is that I would hate for you to start talking with others at the wedding reception (for one reason or the other) about your feeling and it getting back to the bride.
 
Oh, there's no way I would do that, haha. She already has suspected I have a crush on him, but not because of any of this - right when I came out to him (and he told her, which I approved) her first question was if me and him had anything going on.

I can maintain my control over things such as that even when drunk, at least when I have been in the past.
 
Update:

He read my apology, we talked about it, and everything's gonna work out just fine. I'm truly lucky to have a friend like him, and I won't make the same mistake again.

Thanks again for everyone's advice!

- shocking
 
Good to hear.

As for words from my own perspective - I, too, lusted after a good friend and for me, at least, the feelings lessened with time.
 
That's good :P.

We ended up talking about sex anyway, but it wasn't very personal and I asked about straight sex, he asked some about gay sex, and it was all good.
 
Don't ever do that again.

Do not take your friends lightly.

Leave them out of your sexual plans.
 
Back
Top