Advice wanted on losing virginity

[SAdude]

Hey guys

So yeah Im a complete virgin, never done anything with a guy (or girl for that matter). But lately Ive been really horny and wanna get fucked constantly. One side of me wants wild sex, but other side of me is worried that I'll regret it later. Ive had a few chances to meet up with guys and couples Ive met on the net, but always too scared to actually go through with it. I think Im really sexually frustrated, for past couple weeks almost everyday I sexcam on the net and look at porn (since I only have nightclasses), but it doesnt seem to take the sexual frustration away. What do you guys think? Will I regret it? Should I just meet for bj's at first? Any advice? Oh yeah and another thing I am worried about is that Im wasting my youth by not losing my virginity now. Oh and Im also living with my parents still since its my last year studying, so Id prob be more 'naughty' if I lived alone. I guess another reason was being scared that once I had gay sex that Id go to hell, i guess growing up with religous parents made me think that, though reading this thread does make me feel much better now

Oh and here is my intro and pic thread i posted the other day

 

[sixthson]

I'm sure you will get lots of guys here telling you to "just do it", so I will suggest something else.
Take the time you are spending now on cam sex and porn and invest it in finding a nice guy you can get to know and maybe a relationship will come from it. I think you will find sex with someone you love so much more satisfying.

You can go the hook-up route and climb out of some stranger's bed in the middle of the night to go home or you can climb into your own bed with someone you connect with on a heart level and not just a dick level.

 

[G-Lexington]

I didn't get laid until my mid-20s, but I don't think I "wasted my youth away". Nor do I think my virginity was "precious". It just worked out that way, and I'm not unhappy about it at all.

If you really want to go get laid, do it. There are some basic guidelines to follow in order to (greatly) increase your chances that your first sexual experiences are good and positive ones. You can dig up earlier threads laying out all the steps, but I'll summarize really briefly.

1. Post an ad online. Be VERY clear about what you want and expect. Include these two disclaimers: "Public meeting first a must. Safe play an absolute must."

2. Do meet in public first. See how you interact, and if you feel comfortable in his presence. If so, arrange to meet him again to do the rumpy-pumpy. If not, thank him for his time, and find someone else.

3. Don't do it at your place.

4. Condoms. Lube. Always.

That said, sixthson's advice is very sound. If you actually meet a guy, and start dating, the sex will presumably follow - and be a lot less nerve-wracking.

Lex

 

[SAdude]

I'm sure you will get lots of guys here telling you to "just do it", so I will suggest something else.
Take the time you are spending now on cam sex and porn and invest it in finding a nice guy you can get to know and maybe a relationship will come from it. I think you will find sex with someone you love so much more satisfying.

You can go the hook-up route and climb out of some stranger's bed in the middle of the night to go home or you can climb into your own bed with someone you connect with on a heart level and not just a dick level.

Thanks for the response! Really apprecaite it! Only prob is that Im not out so it will be very difficult, almost impossible, to have a relationship now

 

[G-Lexington]

Then perhaps THAT's what you need to start working on.

Lex

 

[Horschallen]

And remember to practice responsible sex, too.

 

[SAdude]

I didn't get laid until my mid-20s, but I don't think I "wasted my youth away". Nor do I think my virginity was "precious". It just worked out that way, and I'm not unhappy about it at all.

If you really want to go get laid, do it. There are some basic guidelines to follow in order to (greatly) increase your chances that your first sexual experiences are good and positive ones. You can dig up earlier threads laying out all the steps, but I'll summarize really briefly.

1. Post an ad online. Be VERY clear about what you want and expect. Include these two disclaimers: "Public meeting first a must. Safe play an absolute must."

2. Do meet in public first. See how you interact, and if you feel comfortable in his presence. If so, arrange to meet him again to do the rumpy-pumpy. If not, thank him for his time, and find someone else.

3. Don't do it at your place.

4. Condoms. Lube. Always.

That said, sixthson's advice is very sound. If you actually meet a guy, and start dating, the sex will presumably follow - and be a lot less nerve-wracking.

Lex

Thanks for the advice. So i Dont need to worry about condoms with oral sex? Just gotta be a little more careful since I live in a country where 1 in 6 people are estimated to be living with HIV

 

[SAdude]

Then perhaps THAT's what you need to start working on.

Lex

Working on what?

And remember to practice responsible sex, too.

What do u mean by 'responsible'?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So i Dont need to worry about condoms with oral sex? Just gotta be a little more careful since I live in a country where 1 in 6 people are estimated to be living with HIV

I'd be more than "a little more careful". The chance of transmission of HIV via oral contact is quite low, but if you know you have any cold sores or cuts in your mouth (or even if you've brushed your teeth too hard and caused your gums to bleed), I'd certainly hold off for a few days...

>>>Working on what?

Coming out.

Lex

 

[SAdude]

>>>So i Dont need to worry about condoms with oral sex? Just gotta be a little more careful since I live in a country where 1 in 6 people are estimated to be living with HIV

I'd be more than "a little more careful". The chance of transmission of HIV via oral contact is quite low, but if you know you have any cold sores or cuts in your mouth (or even if you've brushed your teeth too hard and caused your gums to bleed), I'd certainly hold off for a few days...

>>>Working on what?

Coming out.

Lex

Dont have any sores that I know of, but Ill try to be sure they're clean.

Why do I need to work on coming out rather? Even if I wanted to, its not really an option at this stage

 

[Bonerbill]

It's sounds like you have been at least able to meet some people online. I can understand the fears you have setting up to meet with them all too well.


Don't let the guys urging you to find a more solid relationship first steer you into a heartache, though. While I agree with them that is a more honest and rewarding experience to be with a someone you really care about on that level, you could be facing a lot more hurt if your first time is with someone special and something goes wrong.

I would try to find something that's respectful and safe, but with less of an emotional investment. Not glory hole anonymous either, but you're still young. Build up to it so you know you're ready when someone more special does come along. Of course, you could find the right one right off the bat, so don't write off the first as only an initiation, either.

Most of all, don't end up like I did-virgin until 23, finally get a one fumbling chance with a girl I was set up with and didn't relate to all that well, then years and years of solitude due to fears and doubts. I'm used to it (hey, no HIV worries for me, I know my hand doesn't use dirty needles, and it better not be having unprotected sex I don't know about...). Ease into something you can be comfortable with fairly soon because fear and apprehension can become a way of life you get used to, and I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Lube]

You're fretting too much about the concept of virginity.

So if you can't come out because you're living at home with ultra-religious parents, then, yeah, you'll have to find some Internet sex.

Chat with a few guys online and explain your situation and go with the one who seems most caring and would like to help you explore with no strings attached.

Beware that you may fall in love with him if he's very nice. So try to keep your emotions in check. If you can't keep your emotions in check, you should just wait til you're out, and then find a nice boyfriend.

Good luck!

 

[SAdude]

You're fretting too much about the concept of virginity.

So if you can't come out because you're living at home with ultra-religious parents, then, yeah, you'll have to find some Internet sex.

Chat with a few guys online and explain your situation and go with the one who seems most caring and would like to help you explore with no strings attached.

Beware that you may fall in love with him if he's very nice. So try to keep your emotions in check. If you can't keep your emotions in check, you should just wait til you're out, and then find a nice boyfriend.

Good luck!

Thanks, you never touched on me mentioning if I should just meet for bj's at 1st. what do u think?

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Start slow. You have wild fantasies, but start with meeting someone and perhaps masturbating together. You might cum rather fast anyway and see how you feel after that.

Diving in with the fucking thing can be quite a lot to take on at once.

Take your time - you have time - no reason to go from 0 to 60 kmh/mph in the first minute....enjoy it.

Good luck.

 

[AlmondMilk]

R1. What options does he have aside from Craigs List?

R3: Why?

1. There are other sites. Even though Craigslist can be a bit shady especially with the personals, it gives you the chance to remain anonymous. You put things up at your discretion. You can choose to reply or not reply to emails. There are other sites like the cupid one, adam4adam, etc, but Craigslist seems to be the easiest to hook up with since it's more well known.

3. Well, taking a guy home can present a problem especially if you happen to pass out. I once read a craigslist ad where a guy apparently hooked up with a guy. He passed out, woke up, and he found his bird dead and a bunch of his stuff stolen. I'm not sure if this is true or whatnot, but it scared the crap outta me, lol. Just saying that when you bring a guy home, you're letting someone into your personal space. The majority of people can be respectful since they're just there for the sex as well and not really anything else.

 

[Lube]

Start slow. You have wild fantasies, but start with meeting someone and perhaps masturbating together. You might cum rather fast anyway and see how you feel after that.

Diving in with the fucking thing can be quite a lot to take on at once.

Take your time - you have time - no reason to go from 0 to 60 kmh/mph in the first minute....enjoy it.

Good luck.

Thanks, you never touched on me mentioning if I should just meet for bj's at 1st. what do u think?

What NautiboyJeff said.

Also CraigList is really the bottom of the barrel. Just because you're closeted doesn't mean you can't have a profile on a gay site. What are your parents gonna do--look you up?

In fact, sites that require a face pic, in my experience, produce higher quality guys in general. On CraigsList you'll get guys too ugly to post a pic or who are married and on the DL with their wife or girlfriend, or even total flamers who claim they're "straight" or "married" just to reel in unsuspecting young guys like you.

Just relax, take it easy, and find someone you can chat with, rather than some anonymous wack job on craigslist. Good luck!

 

[ericwhitney]

had a chance to look at your intro and pic thread - you're a very handsome guy with a very suckable tool. relax, it's all going to work out just fine. talk to a few guys, meet one who seems nice and when it feels right to you, go for it. reread the threads here about STDs and HIV, since the HIV rate in SA is so high. but no need to equate sex with death. and definitely get over that sex=damnation thing.

if you want to stay in the closet, you might think twice about posting your face pic on a gay site. you might also rethink that anus shot. it implies a kind of experience that is going to turn some guys off, and attract others you might not be equipped to handle your first time out. a 3/4 shot of your buns should do the trick for you at this point.