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Advice wanted

jonty71

jonty71

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Hi Guys,
I am a 38 year old man, and I have only had sex and relationships with women, which I have really enjoyed, and also been fulfilled sexually.
Now that I am single, i have started looking on sites like this and I am turned on by naked men. I have now started looking at men in the street and in bars, and think, " they look nice". I feel that I want to try being with a man, as I find it extremely exciting.I know I wouldn't want to do the fucking stuff, but touch , wank and sucking would be fine- I think. However I am absolutely terrified, as its a big thing for me, but I am also excited at the prospect, and the thought is a real turn on.
I have wanked on cam with guys before, and I have really enjoyed it. I am not sure if I actually have the courage to meet another guy. I have backed out of meetings a few times. How do I know if this is really something I want to try, or is just a fantasy?( we don't all have to/ or act out our fantasies).
I don't know if I am straight, bi or gay, and I am not really bothered, and I know people will say just try it and then you willl know if it is right for me, but I find it really scary and it's not that simple. Perhaps I'm just missing any kind of sex at the moment.

Anyway, should I act on my feelings, if so how do I get over my fear, and pluck up the courage to meet a guy.


Any advice is appreaciated, thanks for taking the time to read this.

I welcome any advice
 
Welcome, jonty! My personal feeling is that it doesn't matter what label really belongs on you - straight, bi, gay. The point is, right now, the idea of having sex with a guy really appeals to you. You're 100% correct that not every sexual fantasy must be fulfilled, so I'd say that only you can decide whether this fantasy is something you'd really want to fulfill. If you think you'd like to give it a go, you might try posting a listing in the "steamy encounters" section of the site. Be very specific about what you want - you want to meet up with a guy to see what it's like, have manual and oral (but not anal) sex. Arrange to meet somewhere neutral first, talk to the guy, see if it's something you'd like to pursue.

Good luck!

Lex
 
I read this over an hour ago but had no advice to give you. Now I say that you should try going to a gay bar and picking someone up there. That way you could talk to them a bit, get to know them and then maybe knock some boots!

^_^
 
Well not everyone here will agree with me but here goes... don't know if I am straight, bi or gay..forget that part..who really cares and dont feel you need to label yourself...should I act on my feelings, if so how do I get over my fear...well only you can answer that...you will know when the time is right and then you will know what to do...I highly advise against going out just to pick up a guy...talk to him first..arrange to meet for a lunch date..as long as you are in a public place you are safe...no need to have sex on the first date....just let it happen...if you decide not to have sex then fine..you might have just made a new friend..But if you do meet someone play safe. I think just go with your feelings and do not let anyone pressure you into something you dont want to do..
 
I agree with Lex completely. You only pass this way once Jonty so you might as well experience a lot of things. It may be a fantasy but there is only one way to find out and that is to meet a guy who is understanding, gentle and caring and who will show you that sex and love between two men can be fulfilling too.

I wish you all the luck in the world in finding your destiny or that one hot man who will get your juices flowing...;)
 
After my divorce, I never again wanted intimacy with women. The idea of being with a man really appealed to me. I made the decision to try dating men, but it was 14 months between the decision and my first date. I was terrified! Luckily, I met a man I really liked and really trusted, and that eliminated the terror. The past four years have been wonderful! I wish you all the best.
 
Hi guys thanks for all the advice, please keep it coming,although I must admit guys, the gay bar idea is probably unlikely, yes too intimidating, and can't see me plucking up the courage.online is probably better for me.
 
Feel free to continue doing the cam thing. If it's nothing but a passing fancy, you may find yourself "growing out of it" fairly quickly. If not...well, that might be the time to try to find yourself a hook-up online.

Lex
 
I say face your fears. You don't want to get to the end of your life and say, "I wish I would have..." do you?

I don't really have any specific advice but I can relay my first time entering a gay bar. I had to walk back and forth in front of the place about five or six times. I was so nervous. I finally took a deep breath and dove in. Quickly got a drink and scurried off to lean against the wall trying to act all casual.

After a bit of time passed I realized the people there were just people being people. Laughing, having a good time. I played some pool and ended up talking with a really nice guy. I gave him a ride home, he wanted me to come inside but I said no. Not really sure why now, it was so long ago.

Anyway the point is, pop that cherry and you'll realize it ain't no big thang!
 
If you feel more comfortable online, why not keep going?

Go to a site (such as gay.com) that has chat rooms for your area. When you see someone you like, start a private chat. Be forthcoming about what you want -- if you want to get to know the guy before meeting in person, say so. If he doesn't respect that, he's not the right one for you.

If you hit it off together, make a date for an IM chat in the near future. When you feel comfortable meeting him, that's the next step.

And keep trying -- you might have to go through a lot of Mr. Wrongs before you meet Mr. Right.
 
You say you've backed out of meetings a few times. This means that you must have already contacted other guys either by phone or email or letter or online to arrange the meeting.

All that is required is that are open about your anxiety and inexperience at the time you set up the meeting so that neither of you go along with false expectations. For example, you might arrange to meet the other guy with the understanding that the first meeting will be in a public place and that you will do nothing except talk.

Safe Sex.
 
Hi, You just have to go for it, I am sure most people on this site remember, being nervous before their first instance in a gay bar / other establishment, I know I was, but I did it and have never looked back and I am sure most people who took time to pluck up the courage and go in, also have no regrets and found it was quite normal inside, people drinking playing pool etc, you just have to do it, put one foot in front of the other and go over the tresh hold, it is as simple as that.

Good luck
 
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