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Affair with friend's boyfriend

D

Darvin

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My boyfriend K has a girlfriend (let's call her Lily) way before we started our relationship. Both of us are still in the closet. I'm facing a lot of guilt for betraying lily. I'm sure K feels the same way but he doesn't want to talk abt it. Does this make me a bad person? K says he'll break up with her once they don't stay together which is end of this yr. She's bound to find out that not only K cheated on her but is also doing the nasty with a guy. She's gonna hate me becoz I'm her close friend.How shud I deal with this situation how could I face her? :help:
 
I think the first step would be him break up with her. If he doesn't want to id leave him odds are he's trying to get the best of both worlds which isn't fair to either of you.
 
It's a mess, but obviously you owe her the truth at some point. Perhaps after their relationship ends you should tell her.
 
What a mess. I agree with Feta-cheese ^^^^, you should dump them all and move on.

do you watch Christian and Syed from Eastenders?? bad shit is going to happen to you if you keep dating a guy who is dating your girl friend.
 
I thought the OP was dating a guy that had a girlfriend and not a guy who was dating his girlfriend?
 
Sometimes you get in the middle of something and you can no longer see it clearly.

You're dating someone who is not only cheating, he's lying about his sexuality. If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you.

And you're screwing your friend's boyfriend.

In the end, you're going to lose it all.
 
This was exactly me exactly a year and a half ago. If my history is any example, if you continue you're going to wind up with 2 Ex-friends. And that line, we're "going to break up when ..." Again, from my experience, it's a line to give permission for screwing over (and screwing) 2 people at once.
OMG, do I sound bitter?
 
Not to be a downer, but this situation was doomed the moment you got into it. Chances are that you are going to lose your friend, because you did betray her trust. And chances are you are going to the lose the guy, because you have proven by betraying your friend, that you can't be trusted. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, whether it is with a friend or a lover, and it doesn't sound like you have any left.

My suggestion would be to break up with the guy and come clean to your friend. It's a slim chance, but you might be able to salvage the friendship.
 
I reli do treasure my friendship with Lily. But.....
I can't explain how much K means to me, ditching him is NOT an option!
Even when we are in different parts of the world, he calls n text constantly to make sure our long distance relationship works. I know for a fact the reason that they will break up this year end. That's the date theyve set. They are together now because they are staying in the same house.
She's seen my interaction with K and always jokingly say we're like a gay couple.

Looks like my only option is to slowly cut Lily out of our lives. What she doesn't know won't hurt...
 
He needs to break up with her NOW not later NOW. It's more important than anything else ok? Then you can deal with telling her.
 
KaraBulut said:
Sometimes you get in the middle of something and you can no longer see it clearly.

You're dating someone who is not only cheating, he's lying about his sexuality. If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you.

And you're screwing your friend's boyfriend.

In the end, you're going to lose it all.
Click to expand...

I think he cheated on her because he was still finding himself. Now that he knows that he's somewhat gay, I believe he will stay loyal to me.
 
This sounds a lot more than a casual married guy who used to suck my dick on the side.
Best to cool things and then see what happens after the end of the year.
 
I Think the people have been rather clear about your situation.

I know it feels like you are in an unique situation, but honestly it has happened many times.

I hope you heed the advice you have received here, you need to move on!

If not, I guess we'll have to wait for your next thread...
 
CHUCK905 said:
This was exactly me exactly a year and a half ago. If my history is any example, if you continue you're going to wind up with 2 Ex-friends. And that line, we're "going to break up when ..." Again, from my experience, it's a line to give permission for screwing over (and screwing) 2 people at once.
OMG, do I sound bitter?
Click to expand...

darvin, please re-read this as many times as it takes for you to get it.

darvin, if as you say they are only together because they live in the same house, then why hasn't he broken up with her yet?

Oh and Chuck905, you don't sound bitter.
 
Darvin said:
I reli do treasure my friendship with Lily. But.....
I can't explain how much K means to me, ditching him is NOT an option!
Even when we are in different parts of the world, he calls n text constantly to make sure our long distance relationship works. I know for a fact the reason that they will break up this year end. That's the date theyve set. They are together now because they are staying in the same house.
She's seen my interaction with K and always jokingly say we're like a gay couple.

Looks like my only option is to slowly cut Lily out of our lives. What she doesn't know won't hurt...
Click to expand...

I hope K treasures you just as thoroughly one day.
 
Thanks.
Full disclosure for the record.
A year and a half later, the girl and I are friends again, but not nearly as close as we once were. But we BOTH HATE AND DON'T SPEAK TO HIM. Don't know what I was thinking. He was cheating on his lover with me, why did l not think he'd do the same with me.

But I have a feeling you're not going to listen to any of us and you'll have to learn it for yourself.

Maybe everyone is wrong. Hope so, good luck.
c.
altlover85 said:
darvin, please re-read this as many times as it takes for you to get it.

darvin, if as you say they are only together because they live in the same house, then why hasn't he broken up with her yet?

Oh and Chuck905, you don't sound bitter.
Click to expand...
 
Darvin said:
I reli do treasure my friendship with Lily. But.....
I can't explain how much K means to me, ditching him is NOT an option!
Even when we are in different parts of the world, he calls n text constantly to make sure our long distance relationship works. I know for a fact the reason that they will break up this year end. That's the date theyve set. They are together now because they are staying in the same house.
She's seen my interaction with K and always jokingly say we're like a gay couple.

Looks like my only option is to slowly cut Lily out of our lives. What she doesn't know won't hurt...
Click to expand...

You don’t treasure your friendship with lets-call-her-Lily, you’re fucking her over. That’s not friendship, that’s backstabbing.

Yes ditching him is an option; it’s just one you’re not willing to consider. At least lets be honest, what you’re doing is pure selfishness; you want him, and fuck her.

Well, he’s a lying cheater, why is it that the cock on the side always thinks the lying cheater isn’t going to lie and cheat on him? Why is it that the cock on the side always thinks the closet case is going to date him. He’s not going to, he’s dating women, you’re no more than his dirty little secret. If you were that important to him, he’d already be with you.

But he’s not, because he’s dating women, spinning you a line, and you buy it. Do you honestly believe that she thinks her relationship is perfunctory and incidental, and she's only in it for the expedience of living with someone in the same house together?

You don’t know what he tells her, you don't know if he's lied to you, what he’s telling you is fucked. They’ve set a date for when their relationship ends? OK. He’s only with her because they’re staying in the same house? Because of course it’s impossible to stay in the same house with someone and not be in a relationship with them? Right. If you believe that, it’s only because you want to believe it. You want to rationalize away the fact that you knifed her in the back, because you wanted her guy.

So he tells you that all the reasons he’s with her are incidental, that it doesn’t really matter, that they already decided (lol) when to end their relationship and set a date, and you just buy that?

Sugar, the cheater always tells the other woman that shit, it keeps you on the hook, and you know what, one justification spins into another, over and over, why he’s forced to stay with the wife, and how he really just wants to be with you, but oh the unfortunate circumstance that thwarts his will.

It’s a game he’s playing with both of you, and you sacrificed a friend for it. I hope at least he’s a great lay.
 
TX-Beau said:
You don’t treasure your friendship with lets-call-her-Lily, you’re fucking her over. That’s not friendship, that’s backstabbing.

Yes ditching him is an option; it’s just one you’re not willing to consider. At least lets be honest, what you’re doing is pure selfishness; you want him, and fuck her.

Well, he’s a lying cheater, why is it that the cock on the side always thinks the lying cheater isn’t going to lie and cheat on him? Why is it that the cock on the side always thinks the closet case is going to date him. He’s not going to, he’s dating women, you’re no more than his dirty little secret. If you were that important to him, he’d already be with you.

But he’s not, because he’s dating women, spinning you a line, and you buy it. Do you honestly believe that she thinks her relationship is perfunctory and incidental, and she's only in it for the expedience of living with someone in the same house together?

You don’t know what he tells her, you don't know if he's lied to you, what he’s telling you is fucked. They’ve set a date for when their relationship ends? OK. He’s only with her because they’re staying in the same house? Because of course it’s impossible to stay in the same house with someone and not be in a relationship with them? Right. If you believe that, it’s only because you want to believe it. You want to rationalize away the fact that you knifed her in the back, because you wanted her guy.

So he tells you that all the reasons he’s with her are incidental, that it doesn’t really matter, that they already decided (lol) when to end their relationship and set a date, and you just buy that?

Sugar, the cheater always tells the other woman that shit, it keeps you on the hook, and you know what, one justification spins into another, over and over, why he’s forced to stay with the wife, and how he really just wants to be with you, but oh the unfortunate circumstance that thwarts his will.

It’s a game he’s playing with both of you, and you sacrificed a friend for it. I hope at least he’s a great lay.
Click to expand...

Great advice, as usual! ;)
 
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