Age Difference: Is it an Issue?

[NineOfClubs]

My ex and I had a 14 year age difference and it was no problem, other things brought that relationship to an end.

The guy I'm with now (in an open relationship for 11 years) is about 30 years younger. No problem

For me, age is just a number....

 

[Willie Boy]

This thread idea has been done to death around here. Some believe as long as the two of you enjoy each other's company the no it isn't. Some feel that if you are more than a few years apart then yes it is. Others feel that if you need to ask the question then maybe you already know the answer. Or countless variations on one of those basic themes.

My personal take on it is that you need to be comfortable with who you are dating. If its ok with you, then what does it matter what outsiders think? They aren't the ones in the relationship. If you can communicate freely and have plenty to share with each other, and enjoy each other's company.... Where is there an issue in that?

 

[NineOfClubs]

Very well put, Willie Boy!

 

[gingentleman]

I am currently dating a man who is 20 years younger than me. It isn't his age which attracted me...but his personality and spirit. He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met and I really hope we can build a lasting relationship together. Only time will tell. But age is just a number!

 

[maxpowr9]

The only time age becomes a problem is when you two are not on the same life chapter. Particularly, when someone is in school and the other person wants to settle down is when most of the drama comes up.

The only other thing to watch out for are the ageists. There are a few older guys that perpetually seek the fountain of youth and basically want a trophy on their arm. Some may not have a problem with that but that is not grounds for a lasting relationship IMO.

 

[EwanSF]

I'm 25, my boyfrind will be turning 31 in a couple of weeks. I know it's not a huge one, but still, no issue with it.

 

[Willie Boy]

it entirely depends on the people involved... I was briefly involved with a 21 year-old when I was 29 and it ended horribly because of maturity differences (not to get too into the specifics, but something happened which any mature adult would shrug off, but he turned into a gigantic soap opera... eventually I had to block his number/email address/manhunt account)

ever since then I've had no interest in getting involved with kids and I'd probably be a little perturbed if someone twice my age was interested in me, but it's different for everyone.

Not knowing the full details it sounds like there could have been at least a bit of drama queen on his part as well. It might not have been an issue of maturity, but of just plain lack of common sense... no amount of maturing will correct that.

 

[altlover85]

It could be an issue, but so could a lot of other things. What is an issue and what isn't an issue depends on the two people in the relationship.

My short answer is, it depends.

 

[GamerBear]

Why would you let others come between someone you are dating or wanting to start a relationship with? If the age doesn't bother you and if he's not bothered by the age difference (which it looks like he's insecure about it at the moment) then don't worry about what others think.

NEVER ask a friend about their opinion about you dating a guy with a small or huge age difference cause about 80% of the time it's most likely a negative opinion that will probably affect your friendship with them.

I have had friends who to this day still make fun of my age difference with my boyfriend, but then in my mind I'm laughing at them cause they are complaining to me about wanting to be in a relationship and tired of being single.

I think everyone has already gave the best advice about this. I won't say anymore since this kind of topic has been punched to the ground many times. Some people accept age difference some don't. Just how it is.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Exactly, GamerBear.

If both parties in the relationship are happy, then who cares about all the judging, policing outsiders?

 

[rjmrjm21]

Take a chill pill. You told him how you feel. Now wait for him to respond. If he wants you, the way you want him, then let him pursue you.

 

[Anders123]

Quanchi, this thread hits quite close to home for me...

I myself, had my first dating experience (with a guy) recently; I am 20, and he 27. We had met previously but didn't talk beyond pleasantries, but we began to talk through Facebook after I came out. We decided to go for coffee at a cafe in the mountains near where I live. Things went great and we ended up extending the first date with a walk at a trail near the cafe, and even went to a look out after that. I was getting mixed signals though; one minute he would be affectionate (holding hands on the walk, kissing at the lookout [my first gay kiss!! ]), but then he would kind of, distance himself? I guess? He expressed concern about dating someone so young...Over the next week and a half, we went out 3 more times. My confidence was skyrocketing and I noticed I wasn't afraid to do things like hold hands with a guy in public etc. It felt great, and I chose to focus on that, and his affections, as opposed to his obvious reservations.

I'm far too naive and romantic, and ended up getting more invested than I should have. He had expressed his concerns to me more than once, and despite us talking about it, there was no way I was going to change his mind. I wish I had known that beforehand. I wish I stopped myself from getting too invested with someone who wouldn't allow himself to do the same. I wish I hadn't fooled myself into believing I was more mature than the average 20 year old, and I wish I didn't waste my time trying to convince him of that.

Anyway, I'm starting to rant and get too personal, but my point is this; don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let yourself get too involved if the other person has expressed doubts. Though from the OP, it sounds like you know this already. 'We plan on being friends and left the door open if he ever changed his mind' ---- this is a good idea, and looking back, it's the route I wish I had taken.

I think age-gap relationships can work. I, for one, have no issue with any age gap at all. As long as there's a connection and both parties are comfortable with it, there's no reason for it not to work. It's certainly an area where one must tread carefully though; lesson most definitely learned.