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Age differences and control issues

Is it more of a fatherly instinct type thing (for SOME men not ALL of them) or is it something else??

Doubt that... though can't be sure as I rarely date guys more than +/- 10 years I've had some control issues with other guys, but can't say it was ever anyone's fault. With me, ALWAYS, it happened when both of us just kind of coasted, letting our...ummm, rapport--for lack of a better word---develop naturally. Why and how we worked yourselves into a messed up dynamic, I can't say. Been a LONG time since this has been a real problem though. Now I keep a hand on the wheel at all times, so to speak. I don't control guys, but play more the added roll of moderator when needed, keeping things level and fair--heavy on the tiller at the start... letting go more and more as time goes by.

I've noticed no correlation between age and effort needed to keeps us equal. Though common sense says that a large age difference makes a hugh difference in the balance of power, especially in the beginning...

...next time you find yourself butting heads or feeling controlled by a guy STOP! Step back from it and ask: Why do i feel this way? Why is this issue important to me? Why is it important to him? If you can't find reasonable, rational answers... tell the dude so, tell him it's messed up, and tell him it can't continue. Look, you could meet the greatest guy on the planet for you, but if he's spent the past few years in a relationship where he was the only adult... well, it's gonna take some effort and time for him to break out of that pattern of behavior. He just may need some help recognizing what he's doing.
 
rareboy said:
No, no, no, controlling issues don't come with age. He was probably as manipulative and jealous when he was 5 and 15 and 25 as he is today.

As the Jesuits say, 'Show me the child and I'll show you the man"
Click to expand...

I respectfully disagree.
If I believed in a god I'd thank it now that that's not true for me. Instead I'll thank myself.
 
Controlling personalities are not for me. Like one poster said above "control comes in all ages". Im 5 years senior to my BF, but due to his greater wealth & social standing he tends to direct our relationship [or tries, lol]. We hit a rough patch 5 weeks into our relationship & I reminded him we are both independent types & I will not be led around with a ring in my nose etc. Our discussion got heated & emotional, but in the end we learned about each other. I learned it is much too easy to walk away when things get rough.......I believe God put me in this relationship to learn something about myself: patience! Too many relationships get trashed before they get a chance to grow due to impatience, especially what I hear of gay relationships [short lived].
 
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