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Age-gap dating. Is 18 and 21 too much?

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AltruisticGarage926

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I’m a 20-year old, almost 21-year-old soon to be college sophomore (I turn 21 in August). If it’s relevant, I’m gay. I met this guy, a soon to be high school senior, at a nearby high school soon after starting college, and I’ve grown to absolutely love him to bits. I’ve liked people before, but I’ve never felt quite like this around someone. I love spending time with him, I love talking to him, and recently we both expressed interest in each other.

I’m worried about the age-gap, though. He’s currently 17, and will turn 18 early next year. We’ve never done anything sexual (although it is legal, where I’m at), and I’d happily wait forever if it meant being with him. I’m considering waiting a few months until he’s 18, and then entering into a relationship. It’s legal now, but I think waiting a few months couldn’t hurt, and I think he deserves a few months to think and be sure of what he wants.

Is this age gap too large (~3 1/2 years), though?

I’ve never felt like I was talking to someone any younger than myself. I never feel the cognitive dissonance I fee when talking to someone that’s younger or older or more/less mature than I am. In fact, sometimes it feels like he’s older than I am. He’s had social experiences I haven’t. On the other hand, I suffered a lot of abuse and isolation as a teenager, and am perhaps less emotionally mature than other people my age.

Whether it’s believable or not, it isn’t a sexual thing. I’m attracted to him, of course. I won’t pretend I’m not interested in sex with him. My libido is insane, I'd love to have lots of sex with him. But I’m attracted to a lot of people, and I don’t want to date them. I like him as a person, a lot. Being with him makes me happy. Thinking about being with him makes me happy.

I know things could be complicated with each of us at different schools, but I’m willing to put up with that. He may move next year to a college far away, but I'm willing to face that. It doesn’t feel like putting up with anything, in fact. I’m interested in listening to him, and what’s going on in his life. I don’t mind putting in the effort. I didn’t have much socialization as a child or teenager, and I love it now. I want to be involved in his life.

My sister dated a 19-year-old at 16. It went ok for her. Many married family members have 5 or 10 year age gaps, but then again my family isn’t exactly a gold standard. I know it may be more difficult than less complicated relationships, but I'm fine with that. I'm worried only that I may be doing something wrong.

I've had responses range from that I'm a "garden variety pedophile" to "that age gap is meaningless, go for it".

I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I’m not sure if it’s right. I want to hold him so bad :(
 
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Hi and (*W*) to JUB age is just a number you shouldn't really think of that unless you don't think its right. Everyone is different in the age range you gotta see how it works out so good luck to you man
 
My opinion. It sounds okay. At your ages 3.5 years is edging toward being too much difference as a general rule, although it varies with the people and would be okay in 5 years. However, as you describe yourselves it sounds like it might be okay.
 
On one hand, you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. At your age, the difference between an 18 year old and a 21 year old is not that large of a gap, although there is a difference between someone who is in college and someone who still lives at home with their parents.

On the other hand, the fact that you are over-thinking it leads to a question: how much dating experience do you have? There is something about this that seems to have a little too intense considering that the two of you seem more like friends at this point. Have you talked to him to find out what he wants?
 
Overthinking way too much! You're within the 5 year + or - If you're that worried about it don't do anything sexual, of course hormones and situations can become supercharged fast. That being said maybe start building something pre sex the anticipation can be even hotter and more intimate than the actual sex. Of course if it was me and I was going to be home alone, without neighbors or family butting in You'd have the green light and from the time they left til early Sunday morning we wouldn't leave the house!!
 
Thats just a few years and like nothing in time wise, small maturity differences on the average.
 
I would see what his future plans is before dating him. Is he going to go to a far College or somewhere near you or local.

The age gap is fine
 
Age gaps are meaningless morally speaking. Consent is what matters. I have a twin flame and hes half my age (39/21) but large age gaps are common for twin flames. So are same sex twin flames and considering a twin flame connection is divinely guided and protected.. it becomes clear what the divine wants to demonstrate to humanity.. love is love.
 
My husband is 24 years older than I am and we´ve been together for about 12 years.

18 and 21 is so close to each other, there is basically no difference unless it´s a math problem.
 
The age gap is nothing. I’ve dated guys 15 years younger than me and it was great fun.

The only thing that gets in the way at your age is the fact that he can’t go to bars and clubs like you can. If that isn’t a problem for you I’d say go for it.
 
If he's in high school that's also a problem.
 
My partner and I have a 19yr age gap. While there were some that thought it was a lot, once everyone saw us together that went right out the window. Many years later it is just a non-issue. You're so close in age you're fine. I would wait until he's in a place where he can actually date and maybe isn't at home (unless his family is really supporting), but outside of the safety and security thing, you're good!
 
I don't think its an issue. You're close enough.
 
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