Ageism

[altlover85]

Do you think ageism exists in the gay community? If so, why? Have you ever experienced it personally?

If you think it exists, what do you think (if anything) can be done to combat it?

I think ageism exists, but I'm not sure how widespread it really is, so I'll be interested to hear any thoughts you guys may have.

 

[lonnie1]

Ageism is not just a gay phenomenon. In fact, more people can accept a gay couple around the same age than will accept a May-December romance among any couple. Over 50 is considered a stigma.

 

[altlover85]

Ageism is not just a gay phenomenon. In fact, more people can accept a gay couple around the same age than will accept a May-December romance among any couple. Over 50 is considered a stigma.

Oh, I know it's not just a gay thing, but I'm more interested in how it affects gay guys as opposed to straight people.

 

[Spiff]

Over 50 is considered death in our community. Honestly, where do you all see yourselves as senior citizens? I bet most here believe they are immune to growing old.

 

[altlover85]

Over 50 is considered death in our community. Honestly, where do you all see yourselves as senior citizens? I bet most here believe they are immune to growing old.

I hope I'm retired and living somewhere warm and have a nice group of friends around. I'd like to still be active and mobile and I'd like to be able to do some volunteer work and see some plays. I wouldn't mind hitting up the clubs, but that could just be me talking now and I may feel differently when I get older.

 

[lolalola70]

I hope I'm retired and living somewhere warm and have a nice group of friends around. I'd like to still be active and mobile and I'd like to be able to do some volunteer work and see some plays. I wouldn't mind hitting up the clubs, but that could just be me talking now and I may feel differently when I get older.

Hitting up the clubs? if u want to see ageism go with a 50yr old guy to a club and see what happens..

 

[altlover85]

Hitting up the clubs? if u want to see ageism go with a 50yr old guy to a club and see what happens..

If I want to go to a club, I should be able to. No matter how old I am.

And I've gone to bars with dance floors with my older boyfriends and havent' experienced crap except once by a straight girl that was there with some friends.

People need to mind their own business.

 

[fetaby]

Do you think ageism exists in the gay community? If so, why? Have you ever experienced it personally?

If you think it exists, what do you think (if anything) can be done to combat it?

I think ageism exists, but I'm not sure how widespread it really is, so I'll be interested to hear any thoughts you guys may have.

Yes.
People are stupid.
Yes.

I don't think it's something to combat. Time is the greatest equalizer...

If the worst that's happening as a result of this ageism is some turned up noses and random comments, so be it. There are more troubling problems in the world.

 

[Callum]

I don't know, I've never been exposed to it. I'm perfectly content with dating someone much older than myself. I'm okay with aging (then I can retire!).

My general rule of thumb is dating someone between 1965-1999, with the latter obviously being in the future. I don't ever want to be dating someone born in another century. 'Cause that just, makes me feel...odd.

 

[altlover85]

I don't know, I've never been exposed to it. I'm perfectly content with dating someone much older than myself. I'm okay with aging (then I can retire!).

My general rule of thumb is dating someone between 1965-1999, with the latter obviously being in the future. I don't ever want to be dating someone born in another century. 'Cause that just, makes me feel...odd.

Haha! Cute.

 

[altlover85]

*also--ageism can work again younger folks as well...but in a difference sense. Plus, most of the 'problem' aspect comes in the form of older ageism, in my experiences.

I liked your post, but wanted to specifically comment on this part.

I'm sick of some people thinking that someone who is 18 is not capable of making informed decisions.

 

[yummylongsword]

To be fair, it's much easier to find things in common with someone your own age. Music taste, film taste, and other interests definitely vary with age. Older guys tend to be a lot calmer in their interactions and a lot more interested in the typical "small talk" kinds of conversations about like, dislikes, jobs, etc. I might want someone a little more energetic, more spontaneous. It definitely depends on the person, though... I'm not saying I'd never ever date someone much older than me, but it would just be more difficult. Also, I'd never know if they were into me just for my youth, which seems faaaaar too common in older single men (how else would they stay single so long?)

 

[altlover85]

To be fair, it's much easier to find things in common with someone your own age. Music taste, film taste, and other interests definitely vary with age. Older guys tend to be a lot calmer in their interactions and a lot more interested in the typical "small talk" kinds of conversations about like, dislikes, jobs, etc. I might want someone a little more energetic, more spontaneous. It definitely depends on the person, though... I'm not saying I'd never ever date someone much older than me, but it would just be more difficult. Also, I'd never know if they were into me just for my youth, which seems faaaaar too common in older single men (how else would they stay single so long?)

I think at some point you figure out if someone is with you exclusively for your youth.

The whole how would they stay single so long question assumes that they have been single for ages. You don't really know what their circumstances are. Perhaps their partner died? Maybe they just came out? It's not always as simple as he's single because he just likes young men.

 

[yummylongsword]

I think at some point you figure out if someone is with you exclusively for your youth.

The whole how would they stay single so long question assumes that they have been single for ages. You don't really know what their circumstances are. Perhaps their partner died? Maybe they just came out? It's not always as simple as he's single because he just likes young men.

Of course not. I'm just saying, a lot of older men that express interest in me are often revealed to have less than pure intentions very quickly, whereas people my own age tend to have a little more tact, even if they're ultimately going for the same thing.

 

[fetaby]

Of course not. I'm just saying, a lot of older men that express interest in me are often revealed to have less than pure intentions very quickly, whereas people my own age tend to have a little more tact, even if they're ultimately going for the same thing.

Well when you have one foot in the grave, you don't have time to pussyfoot around.

 

[BostonPirate]

I generally date men that are ten to fifteen years younger than me. I'm forty five, BTW.

I find that people who know me don't judge and people that don't know me? well I have no idea what they think...HA!

But I live in a very liberal environment, so its not really that big a deal. I know that I have more straight friends who date younger women than gay friends that date younger men.

I have no clue as to why.

 

[Anders123]

*also--ageism can work against younger folks as well...but in a difference sense. Plus, most of the 'problem' aspect comes in the form of older ageism, in my experiences.

I'm very glad someone brought this up. Ageism goes both ways; while there are some who see over 40's as, to use your words, decrepit and useless. There are also those who view people my age (early 20s) as shallow, immature, uninformed, or simply believe young people don't know what they want out of life, or don't know who they are etc.

Being 'the victim' of either one is equally detrimental to one's self-esteem.

I think younger ageism is more wide spread though, only because more people seem to be attracted to younger guys than are attracted to older guys (I have no idea why )

I think huntneo has it; that it just comes down to people judging based purely upon external characteristics. People discriminating because of race, age etc. is all the same to me. People close themselves off to so many opportunities based on their own prejudices, and it's not only them that suffer, it's also the other people that they close themselves off to.

I don't really think there's a solution, as pessimistic as that sounds. Judgmental people are always going to judge, no matter how hard they try to stop themselves. Education can only do so much, it's extremely difficult for a person to weed out judgmental thoughts, especially considering how often they're subconscious. I don't mean to be general, or speak in absolutes, but it would take something miraculous to change the perceptions of so many judgmental people.

 

[altlover85]

Of course not. I'm just saying, a lot of older men that express interest in me are often revealed to have less than pure intentions very quickly, whereas people my own age tend to have a little more tact, even if they're ultimately going for the same thing.

Could it also be that you are generally less attracted to older guys, so you already aren't interested and so don't have as much patience with them?

 

[yummylongsword]

Could it also be that you are generally less attracted to older guys, so you already aren't interested and so don't have as much patience with them?

Possibly. I'm not generally initially attracted to many people, but I'd say that I'm more often attracted to men in their 30's and early 40's, so who knows. I have to be honest though... I probably would not date someone I didn't find attractive. Oftentimes, I begin to find someone attractive the more I get to know them, but sometimes there's just no way, and I don't mean to be shallow... but being attracted to your partner is an important part of a monogamous relationship, imo.

 

[altlover85]

I knew you were an old hippy.

<snicker>

But so am I. And I'm "real glad".

I love pushing 50.

To answer the OP: yes, there's a lot of ageism in the gay community. I'm afraid to admit that I'm guilty of it myself, but there's no substitute for experience.

Guilty of it against younger guys?