Aging Question

[metta]

I have a neighbor that is turning 90 this year. She told me that she is not able to clean her own home. Is that normal? Is there an approximate age when taking care of the garden and upkeep of the home becomes too much for someone to take care of?

If someone continues to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis, will that help prevent that from happening?

I will admit that I always have things I need to do on my home. I never really catch up as it is now. But I think downsizing to a home half the size may help. But I do them myself. I think I'm probably the only one in my neighborhood that does my own yard. I painted almost all the interior of my home myself, except for the top of the living room. I have redone almost my entire yard with more drought tolerant plants. I just left half of the lawn in the backyard.

My aunt is in her mid 80's and she told me that her property is too much for her to manage so she has to hire people to help manage it. Her property is 7.5 acres so I can understand that. I'm hoping that in my next place I can design the landscaping so that it is low maintenance and still manage it myself as I get older. I just plan on getting a small home on a small lot.

 

[unloadonme]

That sounds pretty normal to me. As my grandparents aged, they were increasingly unable to manage tasks and needed help with housework and gardening. Your neighbour at 90 is lucky to still be alive, not to mention still able to maintain more or less independent living. She's slowing down and will need an increasing amount of support going forward.

 

[pigface]

At 90 it is very reasonable that she would need help. At that age - most who are lucky or unlucky enough to reach it, will have muscle and joint weakness, and just not the stamina to vacuum and scrub and polish.

Certainly exercise and good diet helps, but much of it is heredity too.
Some people are crippled by arthritis or other ailments in their 50s.

A smaller home isn't always an instant fix - half the size isn't half the work, and the anxiety and stress of moving can be worse than the original problem.

 

[rareboy]

I have a neighbor that is turning 90 this year. She told me that she is not able to clean her own home. Is that normal? Is there an approximate age when taking care of the garden and upkeep of the home becomes too much for someone to take care of?

If someone continues to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis, will that help prevent that from happening?

I will admit that I always have things I need to do on my home. I never really catch up as it is now. But I think downsizing to a home half the size may help. But I do them myself. I think I'm probably the only one in my neighborhood that does my own yard. I painted almost all the interior of my home myself, except for the top of the living room. I have redone almost my entire yard with more drought tolerant plants. I just left half of the lawn in the backyard.

My aunt is in her mid 80's and she told me that her property is too much for her to manage so she has to hire people to help manage it. Her property is 7.5 acres so I can understand that. I'm hoping that in my next place I can design the landscaping so that it is low maintenance and still manage it myself as I get older. I just plan on getting a small home on a small lot.

We have 200 acres to watch over and about 4 acres of mown lawn and several thousand square feet of gardens around the house.

This year, I fell behind a lot again, because of broken foot and then ongoing abdominal pain and sciatica.

We have a person who comes and cuts the trees (we lost 4 this year to wind and snow), but I am desperate to find the right person to take on a lot more of the maintenance now.

For my parents, my mother had enough when she was 70 and not able to manage a two storey house, but my dad held out moving...until he had a stroke at age 80 and once he went into a nursing home, my mother moved into a seniors' apartment complex .

For my partner (who is 7 years older than I), he's done with the heavy housework and gardening because of his knee and joint issues and I am now looking around and wondering how we will be able to manage here over the next decade. We had housecleaning but it became too erratic and we had to fire two different companies.

But I see capitulation on the horizon.

 

[metta]

That sounds pretty normal to me. As my grandparents aged, they were increasingly unable to manage tasks and needed help with housework and gardening. Your neighbour at 90 is lucky to still be alive, not to mention still able to maintain more or less independent living. She's slowing down and will need an increasing amount of support going forward.

I help her as much as I can. When I eventually move it will probably mostly be by phone though. She has gardeners, cleaners and handymen to help her as well. Her husband died 2 years ago and her son just a couple of months ago.

 

[Vannie]

My Dad lived out his years in a nice retirement community in upper North Jersey. Independent living. Even into his 90s he did ok with hygiene and cooking for himself doing his own dishes and a small amount of cleaning his apartment.

He had severe spinal arthritis and needed help with laundry and heavier jobs like cleaning the bathroom and lifting groceries and such. A lot of elderly people can't take care of themselves into their 90s though.

 

[metta]

^
Thanks, Vannie!

 

[LoveMyPeppermill]

I am now looking around and wondering how we will be able to manage here over the next decade.

You're going to find a couple of handsome, strapping men in Toronto who are tired of big-city life and praying for an older mentor to teach them the ways of a farm.

 

[me203]

I've heard arguments that healthy lifestyle can help one age more gracefully. I figure it's worth a try.

I've been interested in the Blue Zones, where many people live longer, healthier lives than Americans do. Their diets and lifestyles are markedly different from what we have.

As for genetic influence, I've heard a comment along the lines of: "Genetics loads the gun. Lifestyle pulls the trigger." I can't remember the exact groups involved, but I remember a doctor mentioning a couple of Native American groups that are closely related. One group has gone American, and has the health problems to go along with ti. The other group is in Mexico IIRC, and they are living traditionally--and are doing much better health wise.

No guarantees, of course, but personally I'm trying to do better with the choices I make. Some days are better than others, of course. But it's very motivating seeing the impact of poor health. I know people who are taking endless parade of medicines. Someone's life revolves around doctor appointments. And I'm not terribly interested in being involved more than necessary with a medical system that all too often has become about making a killing on drugs and procedures.

 

[metta]

I'm trying to make plans for my future. I know I don't have the savings I would need to be able to pay for a retirement center. Being self-employed, I don't have a pension either. Those places are so costly, sometimes over a $100k/yr. So I'm going to downsize to a one-story home and do my best to take care of myself and hope for the best. I used to visit my best friend's mom in a retirement facility every weekend, and they are kind of depressing. The people were nice, but I felt like people were basically waiting to die. I'm on my own and will not have anyone to help, so I need to do the best I can to stay independent as I get older. Suze Orman suggest making these changes before turning 50. I'm a little late for that. But I eat healthy, and workout 4 times a week. I need to get more steps in which is why I want to live close enough to a gym/market that I can walk to force me to get more steps.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I lived with and around seniors most of my life. Although I cannot say that healthy living is not worth trying, I haven't really noticed longevity being the privilege of the healthy. Known a lot of old women who never exercised at all. They worked a lot, but that's not the same.

If the idea of hiring help is daunting, remember that the frequency of needing cleaning is less when you don't have a family of size in a home. Significant grounds keeping is a different story, but most people with properties of size have the means to hire some yard help if they will just spend it.

It's also worth noting that home health care, subsizided by the federal government, helps many elderly people through multiple avenues. There are meals on wheels for shut-ins, and daily activity centers even in small towns that serve a hot lunch. And in-home help with cleaning, cooking, and bathing is very inexpensive. My grandmother worked in such a program for years. She was only a little younger than most of her clients. She only made minimum wage, but that little bit of help kept multiple people out of the nursing home at a cost far, FAR less to the clients and by extension, to the federal government.

And to anwer the question, no, there is no age. Incapacitation can come by degree and hit at any age, but for seniors, there is no certain age. When my grandmother was in for dementia testing and evaluation, her next door neighbor was also in, and she was so far gone she was clapping and laughing and giddy. She was a full generation younger than my grandmother, probably only 70.

I would hope to encourage all to not fear age, and to not have expectations that may be harder to deal with than the changes. Expect things to change. Plan to be flexible to make decisions and control the direction of the changes as much as you can. Be grateful for the abilities you have rather than counting the things that no longer work perfectly. Simple things can bring joy.