ah, yes... ow.

[hightower7]

i should begin by saying that I am not out, have never been in a relationship (not looking) but am accepting of myself! very strange I know. but I am happy with who I am. anyway.
well about a year and a half ago at my work an employee transferred in and began working with me. He is in a manager position so we learned to work well together quickly. a few months after he started I began to notice in him a certain partiality towards me that he would offer to help me with tasks that I could easily handle by myself, etc. He would hang around and talk to me if we had a lot going on and little things like that. then one night we were closing and he was helping me put things away and the whole time he stayed right by me even if I moved on to another section. the whole place to fix up and other employees to help and there he is. This occured more frequently and I didn't know what to make of it until It dawned on me one night, when he followed me around the whole place that he might be trying to get my attention. long story short he transferred out (albeit still in the same town) and the more I think about it the more that i realize that he was probably flirting w/me and now he has downright consumed me. I could go over and see him but I am afraid of even doin that. am i desperate or insane. Idk what to do. btw lads he is married tall and gorgeous knightly even. appreciate the thoughts cause I dont got none left thx sry 4 writing a book

 

[altlover85]

If he's married, I'd leave it alone.

What are you hoping to get out of reconnecting with him?

 

[medic1]

i know a couple of gay men who are married not out of choice but out of pressire to conform.So telling a guy to leave it alone is a bit arrogant dont you think?
Am not trying to start an argument but that just seems so final.

 

[altlover85]

i know a couple of gay men who are married not out of choice but out of pressire to conform.So telling a guy to leave it alone is a bit arrogant dont you think?
Am not trying to start an argument but that just seems so final.

I've been with married guys before, but it was just sex. I had wanted it to be something more with one of them, but I quickly realized that wasn't going to happen so we stayed friends with benefits. Now, we are just friends and he got divorced, which is great for him, while I have a boyfriend.

Why go after someone that's married when there are other single guys out there? Why put an obstacle in your way before you even start things?

If all the OP wants is sex, fine. But if he wants more or if this guy has feelings for him, I think it could be a mistake. It's hard enough that the OP is closeted, imagine all the stress that could occur when you add a wife into the mix.

 

[hightower7]

If all the OP wants is sex, fine. But if he wants more or if this guy has feelings for him, I think it could be a mistake. It's hard enough that the OP is closeted, imagine all the stress that could occur when you add a wife into the mix.

I am talking big picture into which sex does not figure heavily.

unfortunately my memory is rather sharp and free of hyperbole. With this 20/20 hindsight I remember him having an entire phone convo with his wife while he was standing right next 2 me - i couldn't leave; I was working. He looked at me the whole time. At the end of the conversation he hung up and told me "Don't ever get married."

when I remember things like this wtf am I supposed 2 think

 

[medic1]

Now do you see my point ?
Hightower fella folloe your instincts and this guy,s come-on,s though to be fair they are not coming across as strong.
This could be because he is just as nervous or scared of rejection as you.
I personaly think there is an opening there,as for the other guy saying leave well alone then admitting that he has been with married guys (not guy) dunno maybe he is speaking from experience and from the heart but we all have diffrent experiences buddy at the end of the day the call is yours to make.
Good luck

 

[KaraBulut]

It's perfectly acceptable for someone to enjoy your company, talking with you, etc. It doesn't mean that they want to get in your pants.

And if he's married and a coworker (especially a manager), it wouldn't matter if he did want to get in your pants... it's not worth going there.

 

[Lube]

Unless it's illegal to be gay in your country, there's no reason to get married to (and cheat on) a woman.

And there's no reason to be with a guy who does this, and have your heart broken.

If you're just asking us if we think he's gay, I'd say probably yes. But that assumes everything you say is true and unbiased.

 

[altlover85]

I am talking big picture into which sex does not figure heavily.

unfortunately my memory is rather sharp and free of hyperbole. With this 20/20 hindsight I remember him having an entire phone convo with his wife while he was standing right next 2 me - i couldn't leave; I was working. He looked at me the whole time. At the end of the conversation he hung up and told me "Don't ever get married."

when I remember things like this wtf am I supposed 2 think

If someone told me "Don't ever get married." I'd head for the hills. Even if he does leave his wife at some point, he'll probably still have issues to resolve and that will make things difficult.

I personaly think there is an opening there,as for the other guy saying leave well alone then admitting that he has been with married guys (not guy) dunno maybe he is speaking from experience and from the heart but we all have diffrent experiences buddy at the end of the day the call is yours to make.
Good luck

I understand the call is his to make, but he's asking us for advice.

I don't understand how you don't see the foolishness of getting involved with a married guy on a serious level. I'm not saying it never works out, but it just seems like an unnecessary thing to do when there are out, available guys out there.

Unless it's illegal to be gay in your country, there's no reason to get married to (and cheat on) a woman.

And there's no reason to be with a guy who does this, and have your heart broken.

I agree wholeheartedly with Lube.

 

[TX-Beau]

I don't know, that whole thing kinda sounded like sexual harassment to me.

What kind of guy cares so little about someone else's feelings that they'd be willing to fuck some woman over for a piece of her cheating, dishonest, asshole husband?

Is that the guy you want to be?

 

[hightower7]

I don't know, that whole thing kinda sounded like sexual harassment to me.

lol for some of us the job is so sucky that sexual harassment is the highlight of the day ;P

ah well, point well made and well taken. I don't know what kind of issues he would have had with his wife, but it isn't really my place to be the conduit to a conflict. I am frankly tired of thinking about the whole thing and am almost ready to let it go. I just wanted to have some final thought processes exhausted. ah the things we say when we are tired.

as for my first post it made sense in the abstract.
how I hate the abstract.

 

[medic1]

Altlover85 i do understand where you are coming from and yes a lot of what you said makes really good sense but sometimes mate we cant help fallen for someone no matter the consequences, at least agree with me on that point.

 

[TX-Beau]

Altlover85 i do understand where you are coming from and yes a lot of what you said makes really good sense but sometimes mate we cant help fallen for someone no matter the consequences, at least agree with me on that point.

And this is what separates the boys from the men. No matter what your feelings are, you are always in absolute control of your own actions. We all have feelings we ignore, or don't act on, all of us.

What you do defines the guy you are.

Feelings don't have consequences, actions have consequences. You fall for someone else's guy, you are in control of what you do about that. It's a choice you make, and no amount of feelings mitigates that.

 

[altlover85]

Altlover85 i do understand where you are coming from and yes a lot of what you said makes really good sense but sometimes mate we cant help fallen for someone no matter the consequences, at least agree with me on that point.

I definitely agree with you on that.

 

[mcuraddoc]

altlover85 you are absolutely right. RUN from the married man. He's a coward who can't even be true to himself....Who cares what his 'situation' is. Have enough respect for yourself not to be the mistress.

I feel bad for his wife. Geez. What a mess.