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All about me

  • Thread starter Thread starter CSI_3Stokes
  • Start date Start date
C

CSI_3Stokes

Guest
Hey there.

This is my first thread. So go easy. Or hard. I do not mind.

I am 26 (duh), gay (duh, duh) and I want someone to share my life with.

Or casual/regular sex.

This may seem like a no-brainer. Right?

Wrong! Because I am me.

And I do not go out. Ever. Unless it is for work. Which I hate, loathe, detest etc.

or to buy items.

I know that I will never find anyone this way.

So I really cannot complain, can I?

I was disappointed recently. There was this guy who I thought I might have a

chance with.

Turns out he is already involved. Or is he? He might have been lying just so he

didn't have to have anything to do with me.

Now I get to see him when he is in and I am devestated.

There are others like me. One in particular. But he seems to be a c***.

The guy who I was interested in has a situation that I could do something nasty.

But that's not me.

I don't want to type too much because I know how much I don't read those

l-o-n-g posts.
 
Hi, Rome - welcome to JUB! :wave: And thanks for starting your own thread - it'll be easier to focus on you here.

I can understand your position. It sucks to be there. And it tends to feed on itself - you start feeling you're a hopeless cause, so others start getting that vibe, with just solidifies that belief.

But I think you can get out of it. I can't make you look an A/F model or promise you'll have fantastic sex every night. But I think you can increase your chances of meeting some guys, having some dates, and getting laid. It'll be tough, and sometimes uncomfortable, and occasionally frustrated. But, as they say, how bad do you want it? :)

Lex
 
So you only leave your apt/flat/home for work, and to market? Not for anything else? Essentially a barely functional agoraphobic?

Or you mean you don't like to go out to clubs, and social settings at all?
 
I hate people. I do not like going to clubs/bars/pubs. I am not a social person. I was born alone. I might aswell die alone.
 
^ OK.

Your work is cut out for you.

You were not born alone. You were born into a world full of wonder, joy and sorrow, occupied by several billion others.

To declare that you hate people is either affectation or indicative of severe emotional or behavioural disorder. I don't get the impression from most of your posts that the latter is true, although you seem to have some self-worth issues.

If you are depressive, or agoraphobic, you need proper counselling and support to help you overcome these very common, often physiologically based conditions. None of us can provide the same type of support. But we will all encourage you to deal with these issues now, while you are still relatively young, in order to allow yourself happiness and purpose.

You do know, of course, that it is possible for you to pursue many activities out of door on your own. If you don't care for people, there are always animals that need love as well. I have a couple of acquaintances that do a lot of solitary hiking and running as well as keeping animals to fill out a portion of their lives.
 
>>>I hate people. I do not like going to clubs/bars/pubs. I am not a social person. I was born alone. I might aswell die alone.

Yeah, you're gonna have a tough time finding someone to spend your life with, or even getting laid, if you hate people. Because having someone to spend your life with, as well as getting laid, involves at least one other person.

The first step, then, is to nudge you towards being a more social person. I don't mean being a social butterfly, always putting one friend on hold when yet another one calls, nothing like that. Rather, you need to open up enough that if somebody compatible comes a-calling, he can find his way in. Also, you should start practicing your social skills now, so once this guy comes along, you'll be more comfortable around him, and know how to act.

So, where to start? If your posts are any indication, you may have to start at the very beginning. Basic Human Interaction 101. When you go out to "buy items", ask the shopkeeper a question or two. Simple, basic questions - you can even already know the answer. "Do you carry these in another flavor?" "Do these come in red?" "Where do you keep the baking soda?" And, once you get your answer, say "OK - thanks". Even if the shopkeeper was kinda curt or not that friendly.

No, this won't get you your life partner. It won't get you laid, either. But it'll be the first step.

Lex
 
I think that I am more than capable of holding a conversation with people. I don't hate all people. Just the ones that I think hate me.
 
>>>I think that I am more than capable of holding a conversation with people. I don't hate all people. Just the ones that I think hate me.

I can only judge by what I've seen of you here, but I'm not entirely convinced. How many people do you think are in that set of "those who hate you"? I personally know of...maybe...ten?...people who hate me. And they have their reasons. (They're not very good ones, but still.) The rest don't hate me. They may not know me, or care about me, or be interested in me in the slightest. But that doesn't mean they hate me.

I get kind of a vibe from your posts. I've seen it before - in fact, one of my co-workers has it. It might be summed up as "I'm a crappy human being, but at least I'm not like THEM." Sort of "I'm not-OK, but they're REALLY-not-OK". And that's not exactly a good spot to be in, especially if you're interested in hooking up with somebody. So I think you need to take a few steps away from that. And the best way to start doing that is by interacting with people some more. No, you don't have to love everybody. Yes, you're gonna run into some morons and some assholes. But it's worth sorting through the bad ones to reach the good ones, I think.

Lex
 
I have some of your same problems--but I love being around people---I just can't let my guard down. This year I have made huge strides in the direction I want to go in, but it was a very deliberate choice and something I had to make myself do--it was also very rewarding.
 
RomanHeartfan said:
I hate people. I do not like going to clubs/bars/pubs. I am not a social person. I was born alone. I might aswell die alone.
Click to expand...

I like you.
I too hate people, i find them to be irrelevant.

However i do go out on occasion and it always amazes me about what they talk about, how they make things that are so unimportant and not relevant seem that they are life and death situations. It makes me laugh with the voices in my head (that was an attempt at humour, as my opinions are quite strong and scare people). This forums full of that too. Its cute.

Although if you want to progress into not hating people i would suggest socialising, find something uninteresting that interests you - thats a conversation starter right there. Better yet get drunk. Then you'll love everyone. However its not permanent. So unless you want to be an alcoholic, maybe try to socialise without the help of alcohol first off.
 
RomanHeartfan said:
I think that I am more than capable of holding a conversation with people. I don't hate all people. Just the ones that I think hate me.
Click to expand...

May I ask if you have OCD issues?

You do realize that about 95% of the people walking down the street as complete strangers pay you no mind whatsoever. You only appear as some human walking down the street. You register as a complete neutral. Why? Because people have their own lives, thoughts, and whatnot that keep them oblivious to much around them.

I've noticed that most people with OCD issues have social anxiety as well, and at the root of that I believe is that person assuming everyone else views/judges the world as required by their OCD tendencies.

I'm just looking for a little more info from you before I can give you any advice.
 
Ok. If you have OCD issues, you generally know. You have rules for yourself and the world that you fixate on. I have a few friends that deal with this, so was a thought.

So you basically hate crowds, not necessarily people per se?

Once you are forced to interact with more than a couple/few/small handful it becomes unpleasant? But otherwise you are ok one on one, or with a few people?
 
RomanHeartfan said:
Sometimes I wish that I had not been born.
Click to expand...

Ok, well it sounds like you need some clinical help then.

I'd suggest you schedule an appt with your doc and tell him some of the problems and issues you're having, and see what he suggests for further help.

There are lots of things that might be able to help you. Unfortunately, given the limitations of a message board, I'm not sure you'll find what you are looking for here.

Best of luck, keep us informed.
 
Please remember there is nothing as intellectually or morally bankrupt as faux nihilism.
 
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