Almost 19 and still a virgin

[Tom2011]

Hi

My name is Tom and I am 19 in a couple of months. I came out to my best friend in November 2009 and have only came out to about 4 other people, even though most people can tell that I am gay. The best friend is gay too but I would never consider any relationship with him and he seems to still be in a state of denial.

Since that November I have now come to realise that I am proud of being gay and want to move on from hiding it. I know that I will eventually have to be out to everyone but that's not my main issue.

What is my main issue is that obviously I am still a virgin and where I live isn't exactly a great place of gay activity. I start University in September and would prefer to lose my virginity before then. You see I am scared of being a virgin at Uni just want to be accepted as the real me for once. It's hard to talk to friends because I would feel like they would pity me.

I guess I'm just looking for people to say about their own experiences if similar to mine or general advice for me.

My main questions are:

1. Should virginity be rushed or should my first be with someone special?

2. Is it ok to be a virgin at my age?

3. Is it ok to go to Uni as a virgin?

Thank you for taking your time to read this and I hope you can offer me some sort of advice.

Tom.

 

[Tom2011]

I forgot to mention I am British for those who are picturing I am American or something. I know it matters little just different laws etc.

 

[Lefty]

Tom,

Not sure if you are having us on or what.

Virginity is a birth gift. It is okay to be a virgin. All of us start that way.

Age and virginity do not have a specific correlation and as far as going to

UNI as one, read the forums here.........more than one of our members

started UNI with virginity intact.

Okay mate, no longer tongue in cheek..drop a p/m to Star Warrior or

Unloadonme or go up the food chain in the mod tower and do Quasar.

All warm sensitive Men that are intelligent and caring.

(Sorry, the smart ass can't resist...CHERRY-OH)

 

[Tom2011]

Tom,

Not sure if you are having us on or what.

Virginity is a birth gift. It is okay to be a virgin. All of us start that way.

Age and virginity do not have a specific correlation and as far as going to

UNI as one, read the forums here.........more than one of our members

started UNI with virginity intact.

Okay mate, no longer tongue in cheek..drop a p/m to Star Warrior or

Unloadonme or go up the food chain in the mod tower and do Quasar.

All warm sensitive Men that are intelligent and caring.

(Sorry, the smart ass can't resist...CHERRY-OH)

It's definately no joke. I just wanted advice. So thanks for your feedback.

 

[Tom2011]

You don't need to lose your virginity to just be accepted or treated better on college.

Just let your personality shine over the other things you haven't done. Eventually you will find someone and if you rush things you might make some wrong mistakes that you will be regretting later.

I know the pressure might be a little bit bothersome but you just need to keep the steam levels down and focus on being who you want to be.

Thank you. You summed it up pretty well. Your advice is very kind.

 

[Lefty]

Tom,

couched in the rhetoric my 'feedback' as you termed it was meant with

sincerity and the contacts offered in that vein.

Brash fucking American and all that you know.

 

[Tom2011]

Tom,

couched in the rhetoric my 'feedback' as you termed it was meant with

sincerity and the contacts offered in that vein.

Brash fucking American and all that you know.

Excuse me? I just mentioned I'm not American because I was showing my situation. I have nothing against America, quite the opposite actually.

 

[Lefty]

Tom,

We are at cross purposes here. I took umbrage at what I thought was

a snide and cavalier remark based on your usage of the term 'feedback'.

It can mean static and garbled noise. Perhaps we can reassess? Check

with the fellows I mentioned, ask them about me.

 

[Tom2011]

Tom,

We are at cross purposes here. I took umbrage at what I thought was

a snide and cavalier remark based on your usage of the term 'feedback'.

It can mean static and garbled noise. Perhaps we can reassess? Check

with the fellows I mentioned, ask them about me.

I didn't mean for it to come across like that. I am grateful for your comment. Thank you.

 

[altlover85]

You see I am scared of being a virgin at Uni just want to be accepted as the real me for once. It's hard to talk to friends because I would feel like they would pity me.

If someone won't be your friend because you are a virgin, then it's probably better that you didn't have that person as your friend in the first place.

I honestly don't think your friends would pity you because it can be harder for gay guys to lose their virginity as opposed to straight guys because gay guys have fewer people to choose from when compared to straight people.

I guess I'm just looking for people to say about their own experiences if similar to mine or general advice for me.

I had my first experience with a guy around my age when I was 13 with my best friend from middle school. It was oral sex. Then, I had my first successful experience with anal sex at 23 with my current boyfriend.

My main questions are:

1. Should virginity be rushed or should my first be with someone special?

It really depends on you. I think it's better to be with someone that you are at least friends with as opposed to some random person. That person will probably be more patient with you (and/or also be a virgin) and so you will be more likely to have a relaxed and enjoyable experience.

2. Is it ok to be a virgin at my age?

Yes.

3. Is it ok to go to Uni as a virgin?

Yes.

Good luck and I hope this helped.

 

[Tom2011]

If someone won't be your friend because you are a virgin, then it's probably better that you didn't have that person as your friend in the first place.

I honestly don't think your friends would pity you because it can be harder for gay guys to lose their virginity as opposed to straight guys because gay guys have fewer people to choose from when compared to straight people.



I had my first experience with a guy around my age when I was 13 with my best friend from middle school. It was oral sex. Then, I had my first successful experience with anal sex at 23 with my current boyfriend.



It really depends on you. I think it's better to be with someone that you are at least friends with as opposed to some random person. That person will probably be more patient with you (and/or also be a virgin) and so you will be more likely to have a relaxed and enjoyable experience.



Yes.



Yes.

Good luck and I hope this helped.

Thank you very much for your advice and yes it did help, a lot. Referring to the friend point, it's not that they're bad people, perhaps they would be helpful I suppose, maybe it's just me guessing? But thanks again. It's nice to hear from someone with experience.

 

[greyhorse]

Be relaxed with your sexuality and virginity - share it with people who hopefully will care about and for you. No need to rush - sex is a truly great thing. Learn about it gradually and enjoy what comes along - it is a long and enjoyable trip. Wishing you all the best. cheers, G

 

[Tom2011]

Be relaxed with your sexuality and virginity - share it with people who hopefully will care about and for you. No need to rush - sex is a truly great thing. Learn about it gradually and enjoy what comes along - it is a long and enjoyable trip. Wishing you all the best. cheers, G

Thank you.

 

[benlemieux2003]

Hey Tom, first off, welcome to JUB!

You sound like a very well balanced guy - with legitimate questions.

The gay community and sex are two concepts that are pushed together heavily by both the gay community and the media.

Unfortunately, that leads a lot of guys to lose their virginity at age 12, 13, 14 - and most of those experiences I read, both on here and elsewhere, were negative or had negative repercussions and made sex a major part of these people's lives to a point where it's become a bigger drive in their lives rather than their own personal goals or dreams.

And so being a virgin at age 19 is really, really normal - regardless of what other people would claim.

Congratulations on entering university by the way! You'll see the social dynamics in upper education are very different - a bigger, more diverse pool of people, most of them are very open-minded so you'll be able to be yourself and there are a TON of gay guys in upper education.

That's where I met my (current) boyfriend - to whom I lost my virginity to at age 23. We are happy together to this very day.

Great things await you there I'm sure. Best of luck, and be true to yourself, always!

 

[Visaac6548]

I hadn't had any sex until I was 20 and starting my third year at university (American here). In fact, I chose to have my first time be with my best friend -- a bicurious guy who had not previously had sex with men -- and it was the best sex I've ever had since.

 

[gingentleman]

Please try and put your frustration and fears aside, my young friend. I was a virgin when I went to uni and was 21 when I first had sex. I waited until the moment felt right, and i had found a hot guy, etc,etc. It was great. He had no idea I was a virgin and I didn't tell him until some time after. His reaction was rather amusing. Absolute shock...and him blustering,"I don't DO virgins!" And yet...lol. At any rate, give yourself breathing space, don't rush to have sex just to be able to say u had sex...find a nice boy and do the deed when it feels right to u. Cheers mate!

 

[Seasoned]

It's your life and your story. I'm not a fan of using the word virgin especially for men. People regard sex within an enormous continuum. For some it's just another body function, while for others it's a religious experience. My own opinion is that you are over thinking this.

Go to the university with an open mind and a willingness to learn, grow and change. You'll be freer to explore life away from the smaller community's watchful eye. Join some gay organizations and make it your first goal to enjoy yourself while making new friends. And then let nature take it's course. Play safe.

 

[Tom2011]

Thanks for all your comments. They have really put me at ease.

 

[scooter63]

My main questions are:

1. Should virginity be rushed or should my first be with someone special?

2. Is it ok to be a virgin at my age?

3. Is it ok to go to Uni as a virgin?


No you should not be in a rush to lose your virginity status. When you have sex it should mean something to you. And for your very first time there should be something there for you to remember fondly and not look back with regrets. Why rush things? Being in a rush you just might make some mistakes that will have life lasting consequences for you. Take your time and wait until the time is right for you. You will know when that time arrives and when everything clicks for you. Your heart will tell you more than your mind and cock. Trust your heart.

Is it ok to be a virgin at 19? Why wouldn't it? There is not some written or unwritten law that says that you have to lose your virginity by some age. Actually, be proud of it. I am. You don't know how pleased I am to know that you haven't been out sleeping with just everyone that you find on the street or on the internet hook up sites. It would seem like you have some standards, some morals, and some meaning to your life. And besides, no one can tell that you are still a virgin by looking at you. There isn't that "hymen" located around you that is showing off that you are a virgin. You don't have a big "V" written on your face. You don't walk or talk differently. The only way someone knows if you tell them and honestly, no one really needs to know that fact about you. Do you walk up to some girl that you are friends with and talking with and come right out and ask her if she is still a virgin? I didn't think so. If anyone asks you such a question just look at them and tell them that they are rather rude for asking such personal questions and that you would rather kiss first before getting to such questions.

Yes it is quite acceptable to go to university still a virgin. In fact, I think it is quite acceptable to graduate from university and still be a virgin. There isn't some status to you for having sex. I am one that was 25 before I lost my virgin status.

My advice to you is to first relax. Quite putting so much pressure upon yourself and quite looking at yourself like you are something less than others because you are a virgin. Take a deep breath and focus on the issues at hand that are more important for you - like doing well at university, finding a job, and finding a nice guy that you are really interested in, wanting to get to know, and would like to spend time with. The sex will come along just fine afterwards.

Really do relax and don't worry about it. The other guys who have posted replies to you have all done a good job and have given you sound advice, and I might add similar advice to what I have also stated. Feel free to post other questions or concerns regarding this or other issues in your life and if you feel comfortable PM anyone you feel have a connection with. I will say that people on JUB are the greatest and really are great people individually.

Good luck to you at university and in life. Best wishes to you.

 

[Glafna]

My first time was when I was 19, and I regretted it soon after, because it was a drunken night with a guy from the bar.

You want it to be with someone who you care about, and cares about you, a boyfriend, or a really good friend you trust.

And despite what society may say, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin.