always falling for ur online friends

[hhoiffk2004]

this always happen to me. i always start to have feelings for my online friends. this shouldnt happen as this just hurts me. one time, this guy i used to talk often and there are some days that i just go online just for him and most days i go online for nothing coz most of the time he isnt there.

anyway we gotten closer and later gave me his number and decide to meet up, until now we havent met up and just decided to give up on him. i realised hes just getting my hopes up and i thought he was a nice guy that i can be friends with and eventually be dating. after that, i said that i wont fall for my online buddies but here i am again. having feelings for someone but this time hes in another state far from me. i live in nsw australia while he lives qld. i am sad . i always fall for these people. the most annoying thing about this feeling is going online for hours just to wait for them to go online when you realise they arent goin online that day.

i just need to let this all out. im so stupid, i know you guys probably think i dont have a life besides going online.i do go out with my friends but my point is that im not out so i cant go finding guys in public. i can only go online and hopefully make friends here.

thanks for the people that read this. i hope somebody understands me as i dont have any gay friends to tell my problems.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi, yes, I understand your situation completely and I think many of us have done the same thing.

Look at the Internet as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it's great in bringing together people, even in real time, who might not otherwise ever have the chance to know each other exists. At the same time, though, it cannot replace the personal contact that's required to really establish relationships.

Can you have it both ways? Yes, but you have to be disciplined in approach to pull it off. You can use the Internet to actually meet people, or advertise yourself, or "test the waters" with certain people or groups of people. But, you need to make a rule with yourself: I must meet whomever I'm interested in by x-timetable (whatever is comfortable and realistic for you); and/or, two, I will only really pay attention to guys it's realistic and practical to meet (this eliminates guys outside of a commuting distance to you).

Having said all that, the best way is still the old-fashioned way: Turn off the computer altogether and get out and meet people in person at entertainment spots, or by joining groups and clubs devoted to things that interest you and that are likely to attract other gay guys. I'm not sure how possible that is for you in your circumstances.

Good luck!

 

[hhoiffk2004]

thnk u for your suggestion. this guy i have feeling for at the moment blocked me most likely. coz hes not online on msn but hes online on his myspace page.

im sick of people saying good things about u then later on just dumps without even telling u

 

[G-Lexington]

The key to remember is that meeting people online gives you a very incomplete picture. You really won't know how you "mesh" until you actually meet and talk with them for awhile. So falling in love with someone online is a bit like falling in love with someone across a crowded room - it may be indicative of something, but you're not getting the entire picture.

Lex

 

[Coffee]

thnk u for your suggestion. this guy i have feeling for at the moment blocked me most likely. coz hes not online on msn but hes online on his myspace page.

im sick of people saying good things about u then later on just dumps without even telling u

Although many people who are rubbish like that, just believe there're many people have a serious eye about making friend online. Instead of fleeing from you, they'll talk all off.

 

[xJunjix]

I've been guilty of that too.

1 guy from perth and 2 from Melbourne, met all three of them. Great buddies now but before I did have feelings at some stage for them, just takes time to get over it.

I've found people in general tend to do that, string you along, manipulate etc. they really don't care and just do it for the fun of it or just to make themselves feel 'better' and when they get bored, they toss you to the side like a doll.

I wouldn't bother with such types, accept it, move through the pain and move on with your life but most importantly TAKE IT IN, THINK ABOUT IT and LEARN FROM IT. I think it's a good idea to always assess a situation and learn from it, even try to get into the mind of the other person to try and see whether or not there were signs which may have been obvious that he wasn't all that interested etc.

Although I would have to say, try not to put too much faith in a guy until youve spoken to him on the phone, at least. Then you'll have a bit more of a glipse on wether or not he's really interested and then start move onto meeting each other.

The net is just words, I give about a week maximum of speaking on the net before moving onto the phone. which for me, is the next step before meeting up. The phone gives me a bit more of a 'patchy' image of the person, even though not complete it allows me an insight into the individual and our relationship thus far i.e. can we hold a conversation and then having thoughts as to whether or not this MIGHT go somewhere. It's not perfect but I find it's better than the net.

I like the phone because it's a bit more one and one, you can hear his reactions, you can hear whether or not he is interested etc it may not be perfect but it's better than just text on the screen while he chats to 6+ other guys at the same time so therefore i'm all for the phone, rather than the net.

These are just my thoughts and opinions, it has worked for me in the past and I have also been lead on many times, learned from them and gained a whole lot of experience which has helped me avoid such 'undesireables'

Try to be confident and even if you're not, relax and cruise along to keep the conversation going. It's a lot better than stumbling with your words and going quiet. Try to be light and cheery rather than "omg, i'm speaking to him for the first time, what do I say?" Ultimately, nothing you say is right nor is it wrong (unless you say something completely inappropriate or insulting).

You don't know him well so obviously you can't attack the conversation from a certain angle but rather having to keep it open and light hearted, can't stand dull conversations whereby people just 'answer' the question and then respond with 'you?'. Personally, i prefer something a little cheerful, with questions and opinions as well as the occasional giggle.

It may not work for you and you may disagree, but at least it gives you something to think about.

 

[hhoiffk2004]

I've been guilty of that too.

1 guy from perth and 2 from Melbourne, met all three of them. Great buddies now but before I did have feelings at some stage for them, just takes time to get over it.

I've found people in general tend to do that, string you along, manipulate etc. they really don't care and just do it for the fun of it or just to make themselves feel 'better' and when they get bored, they toss you to the side like a doll.

I wouldn't bother with such types, accept it, move through the pain and move on with your life but most importantly TAKE IT IN, THINK ABOUT IT and LEARN FROM IT. I think it's a good idea to always assess a situation and learn from it, even try to get into the mind of the other person to try and see whether or not there were signs which may have been obvious that he wasn't all that interested etc.

Although I would have to say, try not to put too much faith in a guy until youve spoken to him on the phone, at least. Then you'll have a bit more of a glipse on wether or not he's really interested and then start move onto meeting each other.

The net is just words, I give about a week maximum of speaking on the net before moving onto the phone. which for me, is the next step before meeting up. The phone gives me a bit more of a 'patchy' image of the person, even though not complete it allows me an insight into the individual and our relationship thus far i.e. can we hold a conversation and then having thoughts as to whether or not this MIGHT go somewhere. It's not perfect but I find it's better than the net.

I like the phone because it's a bit more one and one, you can hear his reactions, you can hear whether or not he is interested etc it may not be perfect but it's better than just text on the screen while he chats to 6+ other guys at the same time so therefore i'm all for the phone, rather than the net.

These are just my thoughts and opinions, it has worked for me in the past and I have also been lead on many times, learned from them and gained a whole lot of experience which has helped me avoid such 'undesireables'

Try to be confident and even if you're not, relax and cruise along to keep the conversation going. It's a lot better than stumbling with your words and going quiet. Try to be light and cheery rather than "omg, i'm speaking to him for the first time, what do I say?" Ultimately, nothing you say is right nor is it wrong (unless you say something completely inappropriate or insulting).

You don't know him well so obviously you can't attack the conversation from a certain angle but rather having to keep it open and light hearted, can't stand dull conversations whereby people just 'answer' the question and then respond with 'you?'. Personally, i prefer something a little cheerful, with questions and opinions as well as the occasional giggle.

It may not work for you and you may disagree, but at least it gives you something to think about.

thanks guys. im actually over it now at least there are still some guys that are nice around this site giving advices and suggestions to me.

especially u xjunjix u look cute! lol!

 

[xJunjix]

Glad to hear you're over it, good luck!

nah, i'm not. thanks anyway.

 

[hhoiffk2004]

Glad to hear you're over it, good luck!

nah, i'm not. thanks anyway.

i was gonna delete the one that i just posted coz i was a bit too shy but i opened it and realised u already replied to the message i said lol!

 

[xJunjix]

Don't be shy!

 

[SashaLex]

Wha'? I was in the exact same situation as you are until I read this post! I'm not out and the only place I can get to know another person is hidden behind my computer.

I've been friends with this Russian guy for about a year now. He's from the town that I'm in but works in Moscow. He's coming back in a couple of weeks and we plan to meet up and made some plans, etc. He's really nice, kind, friendly and has that typical Slavic look- dirty blonde hair, bluish eyes, hot body, etc.

Anyway, I've been replaying scenario over and over again in my head to the point where I was obsessing a little. But reading your post and other's messages just snapped me back into reality. It's true, you cannot fully expect what you see is what you get from this person you know online. So NOW I'm trying to be a little realistic. If I do get something more out of this encounter with him, great, if no, I won't be too heartbroken eitherways.

 

[Jo-thin]

you know its funny thast I'm at the same exact position!!!
I met this guy and we've talked on the phone for like 3/4 days this week and planned to meet up today! But he didn't call, I called him last night but no answer!
He made me so depressed, I even called off work to meet him, hopefully he calls and tell me why

 

[Coffee]

you know its funny thast I'm at the same exact position!!!
I met this guy and we've talked on the phone for like 3/4 days this week and planned to meet up today! But he didn't call, I called him last night but no answer!
He made me so depressed, I even called off work to meet him, hopefully he calls and tell me why

Don't panic, don't freak out, don't be angry, don't appear to be clingy, or you may scared him off (at least make him feel annoyed). Slow down, and calm down.

 

[Jo-thin]

true,
thats why I'm not calling him!
I think he's talking to another guy!
I just don't think I'm ready to date guys just yet! ITS SO CONFUSING!!!

 

[Jo-thin]

REALLY?
But I don't know..........
I can't imagine me with a guy no more and I know I'm gay so its like wtf ya know

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>REALLY?

Emotions are hard enough to figure out when they're our own. ("Do I love him? Do I like him, or LIKE like him? Am I just horny? Am I just in love with the idea of being in love?") And that's when you're actually FEELING the emotions. Trying to figure out what another person is feeling, especially based on vague clues and hints, is a major headache. A very worthwhile headache, mind you, but still.

You'll eventually meet a guy, you'll click with him, and suddenly, you'll be able to imagine you with a guy.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Therapy.

If you're seriously not believing the input you're getting, either you need to fix your input systems, or you need to learn to trust yourself again. Either way, therapy.

Lex

 

[chooselife]

I was going through a similar thing a while ago

good thread and lots of great advice

 

[G-Lexington]

Tough to say, as you're on the other side of the globe from me. But you've got a computer and an internet connection. So do some digging. Google things like "free therapy GLB Sydney" and whatnot. See what you come up with.

Lex

 

[Yeehaw]

I wish I had come across this thread sooner, it enlightened me on some things. Something similar happened to me last week, I met this guy online and we got together the next night. Things happened and I thought the feeling was mutual. I fell head over heels and lost a week of sleep over this guy. He just led me on for a whole week then dropped me on msn. If I had looked into this situation objectively, I probably wouldnt have put myself through this emotional turmoil. Yeah I really wanna delve into the psych of these "players" and understand why they do what they do... but all I can do is learn from this bad experience and have better judgments next time.