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Am I a misogynist?

ibill1

ibill1

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I downloaded a gay romance novel to read on my long flights on a recommendation from a friend. It's rather steamy and as I'm reading, and for some reason never paid much attention who the author was, I noticed it was written by a women. I could not read anymore of it and I tried. Every time I would get to the sex passages I would cringe thinking that a women was describing this gay sex. I always heard that writers should write about what they know.

How does a women know the wonderment of man on man sex? I'm not a writer but I know I could not write about two women having sex. I know what they do but can't relate at all to the feelings involved.

Would this make a difference to any of you? Actually, I know I'm not a misogynist in the true definition of the word because I do like women. It's just a complete turn off for me to read about a woman describing two guys making love to each other. As I was reading the hot sex passages I couldn't get it out of my head that a woman was writing this and just couldn't read any further.
 
You should read The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren. It might change your mind about females understanding and writing about male-on-male love and sex. Phenomenal book, and still relevant and enjoyable after 40 years.
 
lucky noone walla nothin fa eons
_cup a tea?_
no tinkyou

anyway

pinkyou
 
Authors do write about what they know, but they also use their imaginations to describe things they know nothing about. Stephen King might actually be creepy in his real life, but I doubt he has experienced everything he describes in his books. Authors will use the experiences of others to describe characters and events.
If you think about it, most authors are not murderers, detectives, scientists or dinosaur hunters, but they do research and interview those who are. Long hours of preparation happened before the story was put together. Authors can write about great evil without actually being evil in reality.
I do agree with you about it feeling weird to not only have a woman describe sex between two men, but even more would be her trying to describe what it means for a man to love a man. Hell, I think most gay men couldn't do that part.
 
I know how you feel, most of the free gay erotic Kindle books i buy seem to be written by woman, of the few i've read so far there's a distinct lack of real heat in them. meh, they're free.
 
gsdx said:
You should read The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren. It might change your mind about females understanding and writing about male-on-male love and sex. Phenomenal book, and still relevant and enjoyable after 40 years.
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Thanks for your insight. I did read Front Runner many years ago when I was much younger. It really isn't about changing my mind about females understanding or writing about male sex. It is just a personal reaction I have to it. I can't change my mind about the feelings I get when reading a women's view of two guys having sex. It's just a complete turn off for me.
 
Cormac135 said:
I know how you feel, most of the free gay erotic Kindle books i buy seem to be written by woman, of the few i've read so far there's a distinct lack of real heat in them. meh, they're free.
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Thanks, and it was a Kindle book but not free. You are correct. I went back to download something else and was quite surprised how many homo novels are written by women.
 
I'm a man, but in no way am I clueless about what woman feel while having sex. I know it from female friends, and also from sex-eds at school, and also from reading, etc., so why wouldn't your woman author not know anything about the way men feel while doing it?

Also, let's put it that way: If a person wants to write about something they know nothing about, they can still do research on it. I once read a book where the author thanked another person for providing her with technical details she knew nothing about. Who knows, maybe the author of your book has a gay friend who helped her describe the sensation men feel while having sex?

Either way, that you couldn't tell that the author is female from reading alone shows that it doesn't affect her work. I don't understand why you're having a problem with it.
 
coltonhaynes said:
I'm a man, but in no way am I clueless about what woman feel while having sex. I know it from female friends, and also from sex-eds at school, and also from reading, etc., so why wouldn't your woman author not know anything about the way men feel while doing it?

Also, let's put it that way: If a person wants to write about something they know nothing about, they can still do research on it. I once read a book where the author thanked another person for providing her with technical details she knew nothing about. Who knows, maybe the author of your book has a gay friend who helped her describe the sensation men feel while having sex?

Either way, that you couldn't tell that the author is female from reading alone shows that it doesn't affect her work. I don't understand why you're having a problem with it.
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Seriously?

Well, just don't try to write a book about it, then. :)
 
As the author of "Women In Love" and "Lady Chatterley's Lover" said, "Never trust the teller, trust the tale". The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
 
coltonhaynes said:
I'm a man, but in no way am I clueless about what woman feel while having sex. I know it from female friends, and also from sex-eds at school, and also from reading, etc., so why wouldn't your woman author not know anything about the way men feel while doing it?

Also, let's put it that way: If a person wants to write about something they know nothing about, they can still do research on it. I once read a book where the author thanked another person for providing her with technical details she knew nothing about. Who knows, maybe the author of your book has a gay friend who helped her describe the sensation men feel while having sex?

Either way, that you couldn't tell that the author is female from reading alone shows that it doesn't affect her work. I don't understand why you're having a problem with it.
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You are missing the point. I do not have any problem with it at all. It just feels odd reading a woman's take on two guys having sex. It just seems unreal to me as I am reading it. It takes the enjoyment away of reading such intimate details. This is just a personal feeling that affects me and not necessarily anyone else. It also has nothing to do with the authors work.
 
I;ve had sex with woman and still don't have a clue as to what they want in bed:p Certainly couldn't write a book on the subject.
 
ibill1 said:
You are missing the point. I do not have any problem with it at all. It just feels odd reading a woman's take on two guys having sex. It just seems unreal to me as I am reading it. It takes the enjoyment away of reading such intimate details. This is just a personal feeling that affects me and not necessarily anyone else. It also has nothing to do with the authors work.
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You're contradicting and agreeing with me in one sentence. If knowing the author is a woman takes away from the experience to you, then you obvioustly DO have a problem with it.

And to answer your question: Rejecting work, only because you think a woman couldn't please you with it, sounds quite mysogynistic to me

Kahaih said:
Seriously?

Well, just don't try to write a book about it, then. :)
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If I ever decide to became a writer, I'm gonna write about whatever I like, thank you very much.
 
The issue of whether or not women can write believable gay sex has been raised many times in many ways over the past several years. Rather than directly answering the OP's question (other than to say "no"), I want to mention a few points:

~While not common, there are some excellent authors who can write effectively about sex they don't or can't actually have. This is true for writing about their own sex and orientation as well as that of others. Those that write well about the other sex/gender are more rare, but it's possible. Some lesbians write well about M2M sex -- being in touch with masculinity and gay identity probably contributes.

A fun book: Switch Hitters: Lesbians Write Gay Male Erotica and Gay Men Write Lesbian Erotica, By Carol Queen

~ Many of the women writing erotic romance do so for a largely female audience; they are not trying to please or accurately depict gay men. I was recently told by a publisher that most of their readers would not be interested in a realistic story about gay men. They didn't literally say that, but that was essentially the point being made in reference to my story proposal.

~ Many of the erotica romance authors write about the kind of men they want to read about, doubling the number of them and getting rid of the female partners. There is a market for this, a huge one.

I've had problems getting published because I write gay erotic fiction rather than "M/M erotic romance". I pretty much ignore the romance reviewers. I was, however, thrilled to get feedback from gay men who said I "got the sex right". I've been told I have a more male approach to sex, so maybe I have some sort of insight. That, and spending a lot of time on this site.

To address the original question -- I'm sensitive to the gender of erotica authors, but when the writing is good, it works for me. As for writing about how a member of the opposite sex feels, I assume heterosexuals learn some of that. They do communicate sometimes, don't they?
 
^ Pat Califa is very good a describing hot gay sex.
 
True. I met Pat as a lesbian, but he's a man now. I'm not sure if that supports or argues against the matter.
 
coltonhaynes said:
You're contradicting and agreeing with me in one sentence. If knowing the author is a woman takes away from the experience to you, then you obvioustly DO have a problem with it.

And to answer your question: Rejecting work, only because you think a woman couldn't please you with it, sounds quite mysogynistic to me



If I ever decide to became a writer, I'm gonna write about whatever I like, thank you very much.
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I think you need to understand what a problem is. A problem, to me, would mean I have an issue with women writing about homo sex. Again, I don't. They can write about it all they want. I just don't enjoy reading it. That, my friend, is not a problem. Maybe with you, but not for me.
 
As long as the writer doesn't use terms like 'pulsing member' or the word 'moist', I don't care whether they are male or female.
 
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