Am I a misogynist?

[Telstra]

I downloaded a gay romance novel to read on my long flights on a recommendation from a friend. It's rather steamy and as I'm reading, and for some reason never paid much attention who the author was, I noticed it was written by a women. I could not read anymore of it and I tried. Every time I would get to the sex passages I would cringe thinking that a women was describing this gay sex. I always heard that writers should write about what they know.

How does a women know the wonderment of man on man sex? I'm not a writer but I know I could not write about two women having sex. I know what they do but can't relate at all to the feelings involved.

Would this make a difference to any of you? Actually, I know I'm not a misogynist in the true definition of the word because I do like women. It's just a complete turn off for me to read about a woman describing two guys making love to each other. As I was reading the hot sex passages I couldn't get it out of my head that a woman was writing this and just couldn't read any further.

Do you know that gay men's brain = straight women's brain ?
Therefore straight women know what gay men want

 

[coltonhaynes]

Do you know that gay men's brain = straight women's brain ?
Therefore straight women know what gay men want

I seriously hope you're only joking.

If not, this is one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard someone say.

 

[EJMichaels]

A worthwhile article on the subject:
Is Male/Male Romance Fundamentally About Men?

From the intro (drastically shortened):
A few weeks ago my husband came home from work, tired, grimy, and horny from protecting and serving the people of New York City. Yeah, I married a cop and am living the dream. Seeing lustful gleams, crouching like wild beasts in his gold-flecked, hazel eyes, I gave myself completely to the demands of his love....I pressed Mike down into the mattress. “Mine,” I growled…. “Mine,” I whined. But my beloved husband, my everything, pushed me away.... My chocolate brown eyes began to fill with unshed tears at his cruel rejection....Did Mike need me to wiggle my butt? Perhaps some writhing might salvage the moment. No, I knew there was only one thing to do. “Need… need to mark you.” Then I bit him… bit him hard. My tousled, mahogany brown hair shadowing my face as I licked and sucked at the small wound. The slight, salty taste of his blood was sheer ambrosia and I moaned in ecstasy....Suddenly, the carpet felt rough against the alabaster skin of my smooth, rounded, meaty ass! Mike had shoved me off the bed!!! “Goddamit, Stu, if you don’t stop reading those romance novels, I’m never going to plow your ass again… and don’t call it your entrance, it’s an ass.”

Like many gay men, my husband is not a fan of M/M romance. It’s probably my fault. When we’re side-by-side in bed perusing our iPads, I read unintentionally hilarious and/or insulting paragraphs from M/M fiction to him...

 

[sixthson]

I seriously hope you're only joking.

If not, this is one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard someone say.

You are too new to know Telstra. Trust me when I say he gets more ignorant. To be fair to him, however, I believe what he posted was just his sense of humor.

 

[ibill1]

Do you know that gay men's brain = straight women's brain ?
Therefore straight women know what gay men want

I hope it was a joke also. I have heard that before and thought how ignorant that line of thinking was. I know it is not true, believe me, because I don't want the same things from my man that a straight woman wants from hers. The only similarity between my brain and a straight woman's is our attraction to men, period.

 

[Telstra]

I hope it was a joke also. I have heard that before and thought how ignorant that line of thinking was. I know it is not true, believe me, because I don't want the same things from my man that a straight woman wants from hers. The only similarity between my brain and a straight woman's is our attraction to men, period.

Nope it was not a joke.
I've heard expert scientist somewhere said it.

 

[peeonme]

I read short erotic gay stories during my "time alone", if I see that a woman wrote it I skip over it, reason being is that the whole time I am thinking of a woman writing this and can't get it out of my head. If I don't notice it doesn't matter. That tells me it's my hang up,
but I am entitled to it.

 

[ibill1]

I read short erotic gay stories during my "time alone", if I see that a woman wrote it I skip over it, reason being is that the whole time I am thinking of a woman writing this and can't get it out of my head. If I don't notice it doesn't matter. That tells me it's my hang up,
but I am entitled to it.

Thanks, this is what I have been trying to convey all along.

 

[Cormac135]

True. I met Pat as a lesbian, but he's a man now. I'm not sure if that supports or argues against the matter.

Mess

................

 

[Kahaih]

I read short erotic gay stories during my "time alone", if I see that a woman wrote it I skip over it, reason being is that the whole time I am thinking of a woman writing this and can't get it out of my head. If I don't notice it doesn't matter. That tells me it's my hang up,
but I am entitled to it.

Stop that.

So, you don't want to intentionally invite women into your 'gay time'. Big deal. That's not a 'hang up', it's normal. Don't let any Delicate Daisies tell you otherwise.



BTW, I'm sure there are a lot of authors out there who appreciate readers who pay attention to details, and readers who like to feel that they can 'connect with', 'relate to', or 'get' the author. Money aside, it can't be much fun writing for a bunch of skimmers and thickheads.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

So women don't know what it is to have sex with men or to have gay friends that - like most people on here - describe their sex in vivid detail? Or, to be a little more accurate, women don't have fantasies?

 

[SaskGuy]

For people who would call this misogynist, it's a slippery slope. There's people who think gay men are misogynist because we're not sexually attracted to women...
Misogyny seems like it's becoming one of those words that gets thrown around so much, it loses all meaning, and to some people it just becomes a weapon that they can use when they don't get their own way.

 

[bankside]

Ugh. Once again a representation of male/male sex created to satisfy the female gaze.

I feel triggered.

 

[peeonme]

Stop that.

So, you don't want to intentionally invite women into your 'gay time'. Big deal. That's not a 'hang up', it's normal. Don't let any Delicate Daisies tell you otherwise.



BTW, I'm sure there are a lot of authors out there who appreciate readers who pay attention to details, and readers who like to feel that they can 'connect with', 'relate to', or 'get' the author. Money aside, it can't be much fun writing for a bunch of skimmers and thickheads.

Thank you...

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I don't think it is misogynist but I can't imagine women writers not being able to write a proper man on man romantic/sex novel. I can't say because I don't read these types of books, I just see it as a hang up.

I think part of being a good writer is knowing what you are writing about, whether male or female. And knowing about something doesn't necessarily mean experiencing it.

 

[G-Lexington]

It's pretty clear that most of the slash fanfiction I've ever read has been written by virgins, and nobody seems to have any issue with that...

Lex

 

[lefingum]

The very point about writing a book is to use your imagination to create and put yourself in something that does not truly exist. Even when a woman writer writes about straight romance (man+woman), she's still imagining and writing something that didn't necessarily happen to her.

If anything, I'd say, a (heterosexual) woman will be unbiased and objective when writing male-male sex scene. Why? Because, IMO, when a gay guy tends to write steamy scene between men, his own desires, fetishes, lack of fulfillment etc will seep into the scene. It will be difficult for the gay writer to write a sex scene without getting hard himself. If he writes in that state, then other necessary elements of writing can get sidetracked. (Let's say the gay writer may be unable to stop himself from excessively describing the men's penises or lips etc; instead of describing the surrounding, other people's reaction, something demanded by the plot). On the contrary, a straight woman can 'detach' herself from getting too much into the characters, and write from a neutral angle.

Does it bother you that J. K. Rowling is a female and Harry Potter is a male? Does the fact that she's a woman make her capacity to write a book (from the perspective of a man) any less?

@ ColtonHaynes -- who's the cutteee boee in your avatar?

 

[ibill1]

The very point about writing a book is to use your imagination to create and put yourself in something that does not truly exist. Even when a woman writer writes about straight romance (man+woman), she's still imagining and writing something that didn't necessarily happen to her.

If anything, I'd say, a (heterosexual) woman will be unbiased and objective when writing male-male sex scene. Why? Because, IMO, when a gay guy tends to write steamy scene between men, his own desires, fetishes, lack of fulfillment etc will seep into the scene. It will be difficult for the gay writer to write a sex scene without getting hard himself.If he writes in that state, then other necessary elements of writing can get sidetracked. (Let's say the gay writer may be unable to stop himself from excessively describing the men's penises or lips etc; instead of describing the surrounding, other people's reaction, something demanded by the plot). On the contrary, a straight woman can 'detach' herself from getting too much into the characters, and write from a neutral angle.

Does it bother you that J. K. Rowling is a female and Harry Potter is a male? Does the fact that she's a woman make her capacity to write a book (from the perspective of a man) any less?

@ ColtonHaynes -- who's the cutteee boee in your avatar?

That's fine with me if he is injecting all those things he is experiencing himself, or has experienced, into his writing.

J.K. Rowling is not writing about Harry Potter having sex with his best friend Ron Weasley.

 

[Vitamin]

If anything, I'd say, a (heterosexual) woman will be unbiased and objective when writing male-male sex scene. Why? Because, IMO, when a gay guy tends to write steamy scene between men, his own desires, fetishes, lack of fulfillment etc will seep into the scene. It will be difficult for the gay writer to write a sex scene without getting hard himself. If he writes in that state, then other necessary elements of writing can get sidetracked. (Let's say the gay writer may be unable to stop himself from excessively describing the men's penises or lips etc; instead of describing the surrounding, other people's reaction, something demanded by the plot). On the contrary, a straight woman can 'detach' herself from getting too much into the characters, and write from a neutral angle.

Nonsense. What happens when a straight guy writes straight sex scenes?

 

[ibill1]

The very point about writing a book is to use your imagination to create and put yourself in something that does not truly exist. Even when a woman writer writes about straight romance (man+woman), she's still imagining and writing something that didn't necessarily happen to her.

If anything, I'd say, a (heterosexual) woman will be unbiased and objective when writing male-male sex scene. Why? Because, IMO, when a gay guy tends to write steamy scene between men, his own desires, fetishes, lack of fulfillment etc will seep into the scene. It will be difficult for the gay writer to write a sex scene without getting hard himself. If he writes in that state, then other necessary elements of writing can get sidetracked. (Let's say the gay writer may be unable to stop himself from excessively describing the men's penises or lips etc; instead of describing the surrounding, other people's reaction, something demanded by the plot). On the contrary, a straight woman can 'detach' herself from getting too much into the characters, and write from a neutral angle.

Does it bother you that J. K. Rowling is a female and Harry Potter is a male? Does the fact that she's a woman make her capacity to write a book (from the perspective of a man) any less?

@ ColtonHaynes -- who's the cutteee boee in your avatar?[/QUOTE]

Ah, in case he doesn't come back, it's Colton Haynes, currently in the TV show Arrow.