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Am I an asshole?

balls2thawall

balls2thawall

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Location
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I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him, I love hanging out with him and he enjoys being with me too. We met at some party here in Phoenix, AZ. He has a really good older friend of his that's always seems to be trying to cause problems with us. This guy is always texting him about where he is, what he is doing if he wants to hang out. Takes him out to movies...His friend is HIV+ so I let it go most of the time because well I tend to feel bad for the guy thinking he might feel like he needs support/friends He though doesnt seem to like me.
Last week my bf and I went to a club, the friend was there. He took my bf out to dance and they both just left me standing there like a dumbass. I got extremely pissed off/jealous. I let it go for a couple of songs after that I went to the patio to cool down. My bf came over to me and asked if something was wrong. I said I was fine, that it was just a little too crowded in there for me.
His friend had come out with him to look for me. As we walked inside again his friend reached over and hugged my bf and then held his hand while walking through the club, with the friend in front my bf in the middle and I was in the back.
We chilled for a little bit then decided to go back to the patio. I had a face on me that seemed like I wanted to kill someone. I was feeling extremely jealous. We headed back inside after I had told my bf I wanted to leave. We were back inside. A song came on and the friend again grabbed my bf and took him out to dance. I stood there watching for a bit I went over to him and said that I was bored that I really wanted to go home. He asked for five more minutes, twenty minutes later I sent him a text that read "I'm leaving, u r having a lot more fun w/o me, im not gonna be standing there like an idiot, later.
I headed for the door and as I was walking outside towards my car. My bf came up to me and asked what was wrong. I simply told him to put himself in my shoes. Would he like it if my best friend just took me out to dance in front of him, didnt even ask me if I wanted to join or if it was ok to take my bf out to dance, and just leave me standing there like an idiot. He said he was sorry and that he wouldve prob felt the same way. I dont like the drama or anything like that. I just want to know if I'm being an asshole jealous prick or if the friend is being a dick?? #-o
 
I think your friend should have been more considerate of the parameters of your relationship, and seek permission first before grabbing him away. I do not blame you for feeling uncomfortable with what has been happening.
 
You sent a msg saying you were leaving.

I would have just left without a word.

You've made it clear to him that behaviour is not acceptable to you. Now you have to see if he has listened.

Oh, and I don't know about you, but I would have had words with his friend, too.

To answer your original question, no. I don't think you were an arsehole.
 
your other friend was a ass to not respect the line.

your bf was a ass to go with him w/o asking you if you mind. You were not really a asshole maybe more of a shamuck they were really MUCH MORE in the wrong..

your a bit - "very small one" of ass for leting happen, and for texting him.

you should told him what the prob was when he 1st asked you out side.

and then instead of you waited another bit while they danced again when you should have just left.


I get asked to dance when we go to clubs as my bf has bad knees and does not like to dance much.

But that does not stop me. I/we know we secure in our relationship. And if they ask for more info about me I just say I am taken.

over all your friend= 50% balme
your bf= 40% blame
and you 10% balme.
 
thanks for your opinions, I'm sure i'll get to talk to the friend by myself. everything seems to be going good thus far. :)
 
No, you are not the one being the asshole.

It appears that you are "the friend" and the friend is the "BF".
 
don't get to 'emo. I wouldn't say you're being an asshole. Maybe just a little dramatic. Us gays tend to do that. I've been in your shoes and reacted the same..and you know where it got me? no where.
It's best to chill it and remember who he's going home with. When you've had a chance to cool off and put it in perspective and you two are someplace a little more private, bring it up in conversation..but not in an accusing way. Just a...that friend always makes me feel like he doesn't want to include me or he wants to exclude me because of the actions he shows towards me. He...."

My bf had a friend that always stepped between us to talk to him and rudely put his back to me. I kept cool and just mentioned it a few times to my bf, but I always remained polite to that friend. That friend disapeared for a little while. after some time passed, he showed up. I saw him and said "hi" to him..he went right up to us, ignored me and did his usual, put his back to me stepped between us and started talking to my bf. After he left my boyfriend was, "I can't believe how rude he was to you!" it opened the dialogue back up. My boyfriend was able to see it for himself and not think it was just me 'being jealous'. Now my bf has no respect for this person that used to be a good friend.
If you bring it up in a public place, the conversation won't go well and will probably turn into a fight. If you leave without saying anything you're being a drama queen. Either way, they've had a good time and you've had a lousy time and have now ruined the party.

Take control of yourself and handle it like a man. A stable confident man.
 
Return is fair play. After the first song that they danced to, I woulda stole my boyfriend back. He thinks you're being romantic, and the friend is left hanging. Some making out on the dance floor and a few dances later, you can go pick up the friend and have a drink on the balcony. Then if the friend wants another dance let him have it, then go take your man back. You can also use the time that your bf and his friend are dancing to mingle and chat with other people. If the behavior is constant in every situation, then make an offhand comment to your boyfriend about his friend making you feel unwelcome. In some cases this will push the friend into trying harder to gain your bfs attention which will show your bf what he's been up to all along. In some cases though you all three can talk it out and be good life long friends.

All in all you could have handled it differently to prevent some of the drama, but for the most part, you did good.
 
I think the friend is doing this to tick you off.

I'd be pissed too.

I don't think it's very respectful for him to be holding your man's hand either...
 
I think you didn't do wrong

you were pissed, you tried to be civil about it, but still, that behavior is just bad manners.


Yeah, the friend needs to be talked to, but I don't think that's your job. He is not your friend.


that's your boyfriend's job.


if he does not deal with it, you may have to deal with YOUR boyfriend.


I hate for you to act all "Don't touch my man!", it's immature and does not accomplish anything.

if your boyfriend is incapable of setting boundaries and respect with his friends when you are around, then he is not ready to have a boyfriend.
 
Hi! Thanks for all of your opinions! I really appreciate them!! Well we ended up talking about it and everything went really well...He said he was sorry and that he didn't realize it at the time, that he would of felt really pissed off at me if I would've done that to him. The friend..I talked to him and told him that my bf and I were happy together that he's a grown ass man and that he should show some respect. I don't like the drama, I don't think I made a big deal out of it, so apparently everything is cool!

Thanks guys!
Jose ;)
 
Your bf is an asshat.

Dump him.
 
balls2thawall said:
Hi! Thanks for all of your opinions! I really appreciate them!! Well we ended up talking about it and everything went really well...He said he was sorry and that he didn't realize it at the time, that he would of felt really pissed off at me if I would've done that to him. The friend..I talked to him and told him that my bf and I were happy together that he's a grown ass man and that he should show some respect. I don't like the drama, I don't think I made a big deal out of it, so apparently everything is cool!

Thanks guys!
Jose ;)
Click to expand...

Great! Glad things are working out for you!
 
balls2thawall said:
Hi! Thanks for all of your opinions! I really appreciate them!! Well we ended up talking about it and everything went really well...He said he was sorry and that he didn't realize it at the time, that he would of felt really pissed off at me if I would've done that to him. The friend..I talked to him and told him that my bf and I were happy together that he's a grown ass man and that he should show some respect. I don't like the drama, I don't think I made a big deal out of it, so apparently everything is cool!

Thanks guys!
Jose ;)
Click to expand...

I'm glad you guys worked things out.
 
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