Am I doing something wrong???

[brownbear787]

Hi guys,

I've posted on here in the past because my heart feels like something is missing. While I'm not sure if it's the fact that I don't have any close friends or the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, I feel that I need one of them in my life.

I live in Maryland in a town that feels like I'm in the country, but it's actually suburban. I don't like being here but I don't have much of a choice because I'm in grad school and live off my parents. I'm 22 years old and work two jobs. With school, I feel like I may not have time to develop relationships.

BUT anyways, the main reason I am posting on here is to see if I'm moving in the right direction when it comes to meeting other guys. I work in retail at Sears but I used to work at Blockbuster. Last night after work, I went into Blockbuster. I started a conversation with both of the guys working there. I talked to them for a good 40 minutes. I first thought that one of them was cute (and kinda hot), but after talking to him, he mentioned he had a girlfriend. The other guy said the same thing.

I was asking them questions like "so what is there to do around here" and "where do you guys go for fun?" Both of them said they stay at home watching movies with their GF's or nothing really. I'm not even sure if they would want to be friends with me at all. (I guess I need tips on friend-making too) I wonder if they would mind if I'm gay?

SO...
With my approach of going and starting conversations with guys I have things in common with (both work in retail for example), would any of you say that is a good way or good start to meeting other guys? I guess I'm looking for friendship...maybe more. (actually a boyfriend would be really nice...tired of spending the holidays alone!)

Can you guys share your stories of how you have met your best friends and boyfriends? I just hope I'm not doing something wrong. Should I start going to gay bars/clubs more often? I grew up in my town and I feel like such an outsider because I didn't keep in touch with people from home when I went off to college four years ago. I just want to meet other guys to have fun times with. The guys at my job or younger and immature, so I don't think friendship would work.

Thanks!

 

[G-Lexington]

It's not how you MEET, really. It's what you do AFTER you meet.

You know what the first thing my best-friend-in-high-school said to me was? "Your shoe's untied." We're still friends, although not so bosom-buddyesque.

The first thing I said to my best friend in college? "Is that a rat tail? Is that what they call those?" We're still friends.

The first thing I said to my current best friend? "You work with Matty, right?"

The first thing I said to my partner? "Ooh, good one." (We were playing an online game together at the time.)

None of those are particularly memorable quotes. And hardly any of the conversations that resulted from them were all that memorable either. (I do recall that the high school guy and I ended up discussing the Dire Straits Brothers in Arms LP during that first discussion, though.) And I don't think in any of these four cases I walked away thinking "I've just found a best friend for life/soulmate/potential boyfriend." It was just someone I liked, and someone I clicked with. So I made sure to meet up with them again.

Lex

 

[GamerBear]

For me, the way I met my best friend was through MySpace. He hit me up cause we were both in the area, he wanted to meet me and that's when I told him yeah. We hung out with each other and the 2nd time we went out we went to a Food4Less and talked in his car about things for about several hours. Been friends with him for 3 years now and even though he has close friends (females) he talks to me a lot about his life and we hang out two or three times a week.

Sometimes going to the gay bars and clubs is probably the worse way to make new friends. Cause whenever I went to a bar nobody came up to me to talk to me. When it comes down to it, it has to be what you're comfortable doing. Making friends is not always going to be the same, you might end making a friend at a bar or club, but some aren't always so lucky. For me I was a shy person so that made things harder for me since I couldn't just walk up to someone and see if they needed a new friend.

I met my partner through JUB. Even though we are still living apart, we have been together for almost three years now still going strong too. Sometimes it might even depend on your area, but I'm definitely sure that there are other gay men besides you. Just gotta find them some how.

To answer your question I don't think you're doing anything wrong, its just the way you believe will help you make friends, you are social and that's always a good way of making friends even if they are gay or straight.

 

[Horschallen]

Take your time. Great encounters happen when you least expect them.

 

[Robarob]

I actually met two of my closest male friends through their (female) partners. I'm really close with both of them and actually came out to them before I did my family - they both gave me really good advice and support, which I really needed at the time.

Obviously I'm not recommending this method to find a boyfriend, but for developing a natural friendship it can work well. It can be a bit easier in some respects - personally, I find it difficult to approach guys and talk to them (like one of those awkward guys that can't talk to girls).

In terms of actually meeting other gay guys, I can't really help. I was lucky enough to randomly re-connect with a friend from my high school days who's gay and knows a lot of locals, so he's been introducing me to people. I think without his influence, I'd have remained a hermit.

I have agree with what's been said earlier too - clubbing can be a bad place to make friends. However, if you're confident enough, you can use it to network. You then might recognise a face in the 'real world' and try sparking up a conversation, or arrange to meet someone somewhere quieter so that you get a chance to actually talk with them .

 

[bokan800]

The best friends for Gay Guys are females...

 

[MrTikTok]

The best friends for Gay Guys are females...

So true. I get along with them way better than with guys. (I mean straight guys, not gay guys)

 

[bokan800]

So true. I get along with them way better than with guys. (I mean straight guys, not gay guys)

Funny, I get along better with straight guys than gay guys...

 

[Georgiadude]

I met my three best friends right here on JUB. I posted a thread in this very forum. 2 of them replied. We pm'd a few times and then met up. In fact one of them is my current roomie. All from a simple post. My point is you never know how things are going to develop. I think it was great that you went into BlockBuster and started talking to those guys. If it doesn't work out with them, maybe they can introduce you to one of their friends. Friendships take a little time to get going but it has to start somewhere. Keep meeting people. It will happen

I admire your courage for talking with the Block Buster boys. Not everyone can walk up to people they dont know and strike up a conversation.

If we lived closer I would love to meet you. You sound like the type of person I like being around.

Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going.

 

[Lube]

It all depends on your personality. I'm not the type who can just randomly walk up to someone and start talking to them.*

And be careful that you don't confuse idle chit-chat with friendship.

In any case, my friends come from places where I get to see them over and over again: work or hobbies. I have a really great friend who I met at a job. I have(had) kayaking buddies that I went kayaking with. I have Irish language friends that I meet every week at class & study session. I have(had) photography friends that I met at camera club. I have friends that I developed in college (lived in the same dorm) and grad school (same major).

Get a hobby. Go out and do stuff.


*--well, I proved myself wrong a few weeks ago at a party. There's a guy on Facebook who I thought was cute, and I saw him at a local party, and I shocked myself by going right up to him and introducing myself. I've never done that before. For everyone else at the party who I didn't know, I let other people introduce us.

 

[brownbear787]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all of your comments. Here is an update...

So this afternoon, I was working at Sears when this guy comes to my department. He buys a couple of video games for his Wii. While ringing up his merchandise, I try to make some small talk I am successful and he responds back openly. Then we start a conversation and my other coworker gets into it as well. The guy is around my age and is a senior in college. He was pretty cute, but I think I would like him better as a friend.

Anyway he stood and talked to us for a good 20 minutes about random stuff. It was relaxing to talk to other guys around my age about things we all can relate too. However, ending the conversation was kind of challenging for me. I wasn't sure if I should ask him for his number or what. I mean like I know a lot more about him (where he lives, what car he drives, what places he likes to go out to (bars), and places to eat.)

Should I have asked this guy out for a non-romantic type of date? Should I have gotten is contact info or something? Maybe I should have suggested we all go out together or something.

After our conversation he sort of just said..."well good luck selling stuff guys" and left. I can tell he didn't mind talking to us at all. Even though this guy was a complete stranger, I feel like we could become good friends. I'm not really sure if he is gay or straight...he didn't even mention having a girlfriend.

What do you guys think?

 

[Ryuusei Boy]

^ I've met lots of people thanks to video games, my closest friends are gamers. They're not gay, but still I've also met a few friends online, but they're the minority. Get a hobby and you'll almost automatically make some friends.

 

[Georgiadude]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all of your comments. Here is an update...

So this afternoon, I was working at Sears when this guy comes to my department. He buys a couple of video games for his Wii. While ringing up his merchandise, I try to make some small talk I am successful and he responds back openly. Then we start a conversation and my other coworker gets into it as well. The guy is around my age and is a senior in college. He was pretty cute, but I think I would like him better as a friend.

Anyway he stood and talked to us for a good 20 minutes about random stuff. It was relaxing to talk to other guys around my age about things we all can relate too. However, ending the conversation was kind of challenging for me. I wasn't sure if I should ask him for his number or what. I mean like I know a lot more about him (where he lives, what car he drives, what places he likes to go out to (bars), and places to eat.)

Should I have asked this guy out for a non-romantic type of date? Should I have gotten is contact info or something? Maybe I should have suggested we all go out together or something.

After our conversation he sort of just said..."well good luck selling stuff guys" and left. I can tell he didn't mind talking to us at all. Even though this guy was a complete stranger, I feel like we could become good friends. I'm not really sure if he is gay or straight...he didn't even mention having a girlfriend.

What do you guys think?

Hard to say. I don't know how I would feel about giving my number to someone I just bought some games from. Could it have worked. Sure. I guess there isn't anything wrong with trying. I think I may have said something like "I'm getting off at 9 and was going to get a beer at "x" why don't you join me." Something along that line. That way it gives him the option of taking it the next step without having to give his number to a stranger. If he showed up and things went well then I would have asked for his number. If he declined to join you, offer your number. "hey, I really enjoyed talking to you. Give me a call sometime and we can go get a beer" or whatever. I tend to be a little on the cautious side when it comes to giving out personal info so do what is comfortable for you.

I really admire your courage and your on the right track. Keep working at it. Dont force it and good things will happen. Great work. You should be proud of yourself.

Steven.