Am I gay, and should I come out??

[damo92]

Okay, this is a bit of a long story, but here goes:

I am currently at uni. I have a girlfriend. We've been dating since we were 17, 3 years now. We've had sex several times (though definitely not a lot, considering the time we've been dating). The feeling of having my penis in her feels quite nice, but it has never felt like 'heaven on earth' or anything. I have wondered for a while what (straight) men go on about, and how is it so great? Basically, I was expecting it to be a lot better than it actually turned out to be.

Then, I started to consider what it might feel like to be with another guy. I was never really all that attracted to men, but have recently (say last two or so years) found myself to start to feel that way. There is a guy in one of my uni classes who I presumed was gay, because he acts very effeminately. I know that's a stereotype and all, but it turned out to be true, and asked him if he wanted to do a project with me, as we needed to do it with a partner. My biggest aim was to get with him, so we could eventually have sex, so that I could experiment. He accepted, and when we went to my house one day (I live in a share house at uni), when no one else was there, I decided to flirt with him, and seduce him.

I started by lowering my voice, then I touched his leg. He then leaned forward to kiss me, and we kissed for several minutes. Then I took off his shirt, and shorts. I then took off my own shirt and shorts, and we made out, both in our underwear; he was wearing white briefs, me black boxer briefs. Then he pulled off mine, and licked and sucked all over my penis and balls. Then I did the same to him. It felt great when he was doing it to me, and then it felt great having his stiff penis in my mouth, and it felt great hearing him moan as I pulled back his shaft with my tongue, and then went down to his balls, licking one, then the other, then both at the same time. After several minutes, we decided to do anal, and I topped. As soon as I had my hard penis in his ass, that felt like heaven. He had a nice, tight hole, and pounding my penis up and down it, while simultaneously lightly smacking his back, and reaching around and pashing, AND hearing him moan through sheer bliss, felt like everything that I had originally expected to feel from having my penis in a female vagina. To feel this feeling from being in a male ass was quite a shock.

That was two weeks ago, and I haven't had sex with my gf since then (or him for that matter), as I would find this grossly unfair to her, although I did use a condom with him. I really like her, but I am starting to really feel for this guy too, and don't know what to do. It is such a dilemma. Overall, I would give the sex that I had with my girlfriend a 7/10, and this guy a 10/10.

If I were to date a guy, though, my friends and family would be absolutely shocked, as I have absolutely no traits that the stereotypical gay man does, as I am athletic, sporty, wouldn't know a thing about fashion or anything like that, and don't like chick movies etc...
Not only that, but I know that my friends and family, would likely shun me, as they wouldn't accept me as gay. I also don't want to her my gf. I would also like to marry a woman one day, and have children.

So, what does it sound like to you? Am I gay, straight, bi? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

 

[LeicsDom]

Bi, easy really

Also, you don't have to tell your friends and family everything about your life. Wait until you have found 'the one' before you start broadcasting it.

 

[Scealle]

I would say bi. But who knows you might change later you are still young. You are still at your experimental stage. However it's a bit unfair to ur gf though that you have had sex with another guy. Family can be very unexpected often sometimes . As for the coming out part, wait until you are ready or when you are comfortable.

 

[Nishin]

If you have to ask... then yes

EDIT : wait, after actually reading your post.... are you seriously asking if you're gay after depicting your involvement in gay sex with numerous details and how you lie it????
That sounds like trolling imho

 

[pat grimshaw]

...that felt like heaven…
…this guy a 10/10.
…friends and family, would likely shun me…
…Am I gay…

Go for Heaven!!
Forget the labels!
Ignore the fools!

 

[damo92]

Thanks so far for your replies. I want to stress that I am not trolling, and that I feel bad for cheating on my gf, and since having sex with the guy, have not had sex with anyone, including her.

 

[pat grimshaw]

Damo, tell this woman that your dalliance was a mistake and that you have decided to go for a more fulfilling path to happiness.

 

[KaraBulut]

I've moved your thread to the advice section of the forum.

 

[EuroSoccer]

I know what you are going through, I've been there.

Since I was a teen I've been having sex with both girls and guys.
Like you, I am an average jock into sports and all that kind of shit.
I don't have too many gay interests apart from a mild celebrity obsession and obviously.............. I like to have sex with men
I find relatioships with girls more interesting and more complete, at the same time though I prefer sex with lads.

Men are wild, more open sexually, they like to experiment and try new things.
For me fucking with men is like a sport, a sort of entertainment, but I rarely get involve emotionally with them.
Most of the lads I have sex with are actually "straight" friends and acquaintances (collegues, team mates).
Personally I find it easy to have gay sex with "straight" guys, trust me there are more bisex lads (or closeted gays) around than people might think.

To answer your last question...............does it really matter if you are straight,bi or gay?
Go with the flow, do what comes natural to you and you will find your true self.
The important thing is that you don't live a lie.
Don't stay with a girl just to cover up your true sexuality, that would not be fair on her and it is not good for you either.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

So, what does it sound like to you? Am I gay, straight, bi? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

You're so young, there's no telling what you will grow into. What should you do? Life your life.

 

[Rolyo85]

What the story describes is you being gay. Gay men can have sex with women, and the ones closer to bisexuality usually start there due to societal pressure, often without even being aware that's not what they prefer. If you're for real, you need to break up with your fake girlfriend, whatever you feel for her, and let her go to find someone who is actually into girls. As for you, coming out is a complicated process, but the people in your life tend to adjust in the end (most sooner than later). Being gay is not about stereotypes, it's about your dick pointing at boys. And if someone will shun you for it, you don't need those people in your life.

Unfortunately, I have difficulty believing the story. I don't even know that many straight boys who know about "topping" and "bottoming", but overall it doesn't sound too legit. Either way, if it is, my advice stands.

 

[Seasoned]

Hiding out with a women hurts all involved. Ask me, my ex-wife, my 2 kids and my husband.

 

[Ganoderma]

So, what does it sound like to you? Am I gay, straight, bi? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

hi Damo92,

Welcome to JUB and good to hear you have created this posting. So there is this fellow student in your class who acts very effeminately (your description), and who does not seem to hide that he is gay. And you also don't seem to hesitate to befriend him (= ask him to do a project together with him). So it seems to me that you don't hide to your class mates that you want to work together with a -more or less- open gay guy. Hey man, how about the other fellow students in your class? What's their opinion about him? Do you have any idea if some of your class mates will refuse to do a project together with him, because he is gay / acts very effeminately? None of them? Just a few narrow-minded bigots?

I tend to advise you that you should tell your girlfriend that you want to stop with being her girlfriend / that you want to finish the current relationship with her. IMO, its up to you to tell her the real reason why you want to stop.

Well, and you have told us that you start to get feelings for this guy. He is your classmate, and it seems to me that he also liked it to have sex with you. So why not continue the friendship with him, and just see how things are developing each other. Does he hide to your fellow-students that he is gay, or is it wellknown that he is a gay guy?

I tend to think that time (= more experience with him and/or other guys / having also gay friends) will learn if you are gay or bi.

Well, and I would not bother too much about 'coming out'. Doing (alot of) projects together with a guy 'who acts very effeminately' ('= gay', opinion of class mates?), being his good friend ./ spending alot of time together with him, is a convenient way to let people know that you don't bother to have a -very- good friend who is gay.

Are you really sure that all of your friends are bigots / homophobes? How about people at your uni? I tend to think that there will be other gay students as well? Is your uni welcoming gay students? Is there any sort of gay club / gay supporting club at your uni? Please be aware that there are loads and loads of gay guys who also have no clue about fashion, who don't like shopping, but who like sports alot, and who are very athletic.

May I ask why your family would shun you? Are they relifundi christians?

I would like to wish you all the best. Feel free to react and/or ask additional questions.

 

[winterkill]

and I haven't had sex with my gf since then (or him for that matter), as I would find this grossly unfair to her, although I did use a condom with him.

But it was okay to fuck him?

Sex isn't about fairness, it's about pleasure.

I have a girlfriend. We've been dating since we were 17, 3 years now. We've had sex several times (though definitely not a lot, considering the time we've been dating).

Several times sex in three years?? Do you know that anal sex is possible with women as well?

I started by lowering my voice

Creative writing? Or a new school of seduction?

Am I gay, straight, bi?

If you find this question important – I don't, by the way – only you can decide it. Because “gay”, “straight” and “bi” are contemporary self definitions. Unlike “heterosexual”, “homosexual” and “bisexual”.

 

[damo92]

Thanks to all of you who answered, very appreciated, and I understand that it's hard to answer a question like that of/for someone else, but you've still actually been helpful. I am planning on breaking up with my gf soon, and want to start a relationship with this guy, but not for a while, in order to spare her feelings. I want to do it in as gentle a manner as possible, and would like for us to still be friends.

 

[hylas]

parts of this post read a lot like a wank fantasy, but ok, lets assume its real...

The feeling of having my penis in her feels quite nice, but it has never felt like 'heaven on earth' or anything. I have wondered for a while what (straight) men go on about, and how is it so great? Basically, I was expecting it to be a lot better than it actually turned out to be.

this you dont need to worry about. thats just sex. men often exagerate about sex, because thats what our culture expects us to do. dont get me wrong, sex can be "heaven on earth", but at least for me, that only happens when i find someone im truly compatible with, and that doesnt happen all that often. also, sex gets better with experien

as for the rest of your post and your actual question, youre gay or bi. yes, you should break up, yes you should come out. im sorry about your family, and i hope you can find the strenghth to come out to them, and that they can get the fuck over their mindless hatred. as for your friends... if they dont accept you, you need better friends.

I would also like to marry a woman one day, and have children.

you better have yourself sorted out real good before you start involving children. right now its more important to think about who you truly are and how you truly feel, not about what future you were socialized to want. i guess there is a chance youre bi and you could be happy with a woman... but its just as likely - perhaps even more so - that you could never be happy with a woman, and that having children with a woman is a huge mistake.

 

[slnattak]

Your story was really hot man.

I think humans are closest to bonobos a bisexual species. For example i got turned on by fingering a woman and making her squirt, but I'm not really into fucking girls much.

People feel strong to label themselves in ways because of social fads and the way society is structured. And sometimes we just go through phases where we feel homosexuality strongly and then heterosexuality strongly.

Just make sure that in the long run you also like this guy as a person not just a hole that feels good. Yeah sex is important and it's so great you had sex that was a 10/10 but make sure you like him and want a relationship w/him too. If you do start thinking you might be straight again, talk to him about it! (I'm going through the same thing with another guy)

As for 'coming out' it's still confusing to me too man. Pussy is okay, but I prefer males strongly usually. However if a girl is blonde and really passive I can enjoy her. Society has turned 'gay' into a fad kinda when really most people's sexualities are more complex than this. People want a normal life with the wife and kids in the burbs, but the truth is - we can have that stuff w/ a guy as well. I think people make a big deal out of gender. Isn't hot sex hot sex?

 

[dereperez]

Okay, this is a bit of a long story, but here goes:

I am currently at uni. I have a girlfriend. We've been dating since we were 17, 3 years now. We've had sex several times (though definitely not a lot, considering the time we've been dating). The feeling of having my penis in her feels quite nice, but it has never felt like 'heaven on earth' or anything. I have wondered for a while what (straight) men go on about, and how is it so great? Basically, I was expecting it to be a lot better than it actually turned out to be.

Then, I started to consider what it might feel like to be with another guy. I was never really all that attracted to men, but have recently (say last two or so years) found myself to start to feel that way. There is a guy in one of my uni classes who I presumed was gay, because he acts very effeminately. I know that's a stereotype and all, but it turned out to be true, and asked him if he wanted to do a project with me, as we needed to do it with a partner. My biggest aim was to get with him, so we could eventually have sex, so that I could experiment. He accepted, and when we went to my house one day (I live in a share house at uni), when no one else was there, I decided to flirt with him, and seduce him.

I started by lowering my voice, then I touched his leg. He then leaned forward to kiss me, and we kissed for several minutes. Then I took off his shirt, and shorts. I then took off my own shirt and shorts, and we made out, both in our underwear; he was wearing white briefs, me black boxer briefs. Then he pulled off mine, and licked and sucked all over my penis and balls. Then I did the same to him. It felt great when he was doing it to me, and then it felt great having his stiff penis in my mouth, and it felt great hearing him moan as I pulled back his shaft with my tongue, and then went down to his balls, licking one, then the other, then both at the same time. After several minutes, we decided to do anal, and I topped. As soon as I had my hard penis in his ass, that felt like heaven. He had a nice, tight hole, and pounding my penis up and down it, while simultaneously lightly smacking his back, and reaching around and pashing, AND hearing him moan through sheer bliss, felt like everything that I had originally expected to feel from having my penis in a female vagina. To feel this feeling from being in a male ass was quite a shock.

That was two weeks ago, and I haven't had sex with my gf since then (or him for that matter), as I would find this grossly unfair to her, although I did use a condom with him. I really like her, but I am starting to really feel for this guy too, and don't know what to do. It is such a dilemma. Overall, I would give the sex that I had with my girlfriend a 7/10, and this guy a 10/10.

If I were to date a guy, though, my friends and family would be absolutely shocked, as I have absolutely no traits that the stereotypical gay man does, as I am athletic, sporty, wouldn't know a thing about fashion or anything like that, and don't like chick movies etc...
Not only that, but I know that my friends and family, would likely shun me, as they wouldn't accept me as gay. I also don't want to her my gf. I would also like to marry a woman one day, and have children.

So, what does it sound like to you? Am I gay, straight, bi? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

Forget the labels. Sex is sex. You have to ask yourself if you being with your gf is a defensive mechanism to yourself and society, in order to be "more acceptable". Seems like you enjoyed the guy a lot more, but maybe just like the idea of marrying a woman and having children and all that?

Give yourself time and there's no need to pressure yourself with a quick answer.

 

[layton]

I would also like to marry a woman one day, and have children.

Don't marrry a women for the sake of children, there are other options adoption and surrogacy. Marry for love, not kids.

 

[damo92]

Thanks everyone. I decided to break up with my gf, it was hard but she seems to be okay now, and we still talk. I have been with the guy in my op, but only discreetly, partly because I am 'scared' of coming out, and partly because I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings.