Am I Gay, Bisexual, or Straight?

[AngelFromAbove]

I need some help. I've never wanted to be gay or bisexual. I've always wanted to get married to a woman, have children, own a home with a white picket fence, etc., etc.

But I can't escape the fact that I am very much attracted to men. I've had sex with several men and enjoyed it. I've never had sex with a woman. I am attracted to women (somewhat), but I almost exclusively watch gay porn and have never seriously pursued a woman or had a girlfriend. I sometimes wonder if I would even enjoy sex with a woman, as I usually bottom with guys (which I very much enjoy).

I'm in my early 20s now, and I just wonder how long I should keep "this" to myself. Or is "this" really nothing? Should I just go look for a girl and sweep "this" under the rug? Or am I really gay or bisexual?

I'm just confused. Any comments would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Personally, I would need for you to elaborate on what you feel for women? Are you sure it's attraction? From what I am reading, it seems that you want to fulfill social obligations and expectations. I could be wrong in how I interpreted it, however.

If I were you, I would continue to experiment and not place a heavy burden on labeling myself. If you happen to meet a female and you feel that there is something there, pursue. However, I must say, there's something to be said when the attraction is not strong enough to pursue relationships with women and you have not had sex with one by this point.

 

[Bloke1964]

Labels aside ....I think you are leaning towards the gay side...you can have all those things you mentioned with a man... granted it will be slightly more difficult to attain as far as having children but it can happen.

 

[Willie Boy]

Personally, I would need for you to elaborate on what you feel for women? Are you sure it's attraction? From what I am reading, it seems that you want to fulfill social obligations and expectations. I could be wrong in how I interpreted it, however.

If I were you, I would continue to experiment and not place a heavy burden on labeling myself. If you happen to meet a female and you feel that there is something there, pursue. However, I must say, there's something to be said when the attraction is not strong enough to pursue relationships with women and you have not had sex with one by this point.

Labels aside ....I think you are leaning towards the gay side...you can have all those things you mentioned with a man... granted it will be slightly more difficult to attain as far as having children but it can happen.

I agree with both of these. I would say just let yourself be you. You shouldn't be too concerned with paterning your life after what someone else dictates. Its YOUR LIFE, live it however you feel comfortable. Just try not to publicly break any laws where you live.

One of my favorite quotes (and its from Shakespeare): "To thine own self be true".

If you really want to conform to someone elses standards and can be happy with it, then feel free, otherwise take the time to find you and your standards.

 

[RSilva]

My situation is very similar to yours and I have the same doubts.

In sexual attraction I feel man much more attractive, but only the sexual organs. Cocks, balls, they really attract me. But the body, ass, etc, I don't care, no attraction at all. My sexual attraction to women is much weaker. I look at boobs and pussy and feel only like: pussy seems a good place to fuck, boobs are stetical only, not too big, not too good, but sexually nothing more interesting to me than cocks and balls. So phisically-sexually I am very gay - but a sexual organs gay only. Oh, and I only feel this "cock" attraction with "real" man, "feminine" man have the opposite reaction on me: I really don't like them.

I've never been in love, but I can only imagine fall in love with a woman. Kissing, huggs, affective care, I can only imagine with woman, in fact this idea with men is somewhat repulsive to me. And I also want to have kids, etc. Speaking out of love, I really appreciate the "manly" world - I enjoy very much the typical men's attitudes, behaviour, thinking, etc. But in the friendship way.

So this is my problem: only cocks and balls interest me for "pure" sex. But in "emotional" sex only woman attract me. I imagine me in the future having kids with a woman, liking her very much, but being fucked/fucking by a truck driver or something (lol "real" man) to make me feel sexually satisfied. Not good for her.

 

[G-Lexington]

In absence of any other information, I'm gonna go with "gay".

There seems to be a belief that gays hate women - both physically and emotionally. And I'm sure there are a couple that do. But I think they're in the vast minority. I have plenty of female friends. Some I'm quite close with. We talk about anything and everything, and lean on each other when we need to. And some of my female friends are attractive. In fact, I'd dare say a few of them are downright gorgeous. I see the stares and ogles they get when we're out together, and I can objectively see how attractive they are.

But see - I'm not attracted to them. They don't give me wood. They're beautiful the same way a statue or a painting is beautiful. I have no interest in having sex with them.

The thing is - all the things you dream about? The wife, the kids, the picket fence? They're all still open to you as a gay man. It's just your wife's gonna have a penis.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Am I Gay, Bisexual, or Straight?

Yes, one or more of the above.

 

[Sportsguy313]

Gay....

If it's been this long being sexually attracted to guys, you can't really call it a phase anymore, it's just who you are.

 

[youngnihilist]

One thing's for sure: You're not straight. and most likely, not even bi.

 

[Maccabee]

Hmm.. I actually could have written your opening post. I totally understand what you mean. Unfortunately, this happens to be very difficult to grasp for people that are not in your/our situation. There are so many people that want to label you, but that's just not possible.

I think I am attracted to both men and women, but not in the same way. If I look at people on the street, I think that there are far more beautiful girls than there are boys. On the other hand, a beautiful girl does not really turns me on; I don't immediately want to have sex with such a girl. When I go out, I do kiss with girls. But it does not really arouse me. I have thought about it and it could well be some kind of an emotional bloccade. Fear of rejection, low self-esteem, or whatever. Perhaps I'm just not opening my heart to women.

There are definately less boys that I like than girls. I am very critical: they should be younger, boyish look, etc etc. I am not attracted to older guys at all. But when I kiss a boy, it definately arouses me. I do feel comfortable. In my opinion it is so much easier to level with boys than with girls. Somtimes I tell people that my attraction to people in general can be depictured as a pyramid: my ideal person is a boy who stands at the small top of the pyramid, but the base of the pyramid consists of a larger number of women. For me it is also hard to imagine that I can be in a long-term relationship with a random man.

As I said before, for me this struggle could well have some very deep emotional reason. I don't/didn't think of myself as beautiful. I have/had a very low self-esteem. In my youth I can remember being rejected by girls. Those reasons probably aroused interest in boys. I wanted to mirror myself to boys I found cute. And perhaps that resulted in sexual interest.

Perhaps you can recognise any of this, perhaps not

I think that when you do have doubts, you should really investigate the "other" side, as I am still doing. Also, I do believe that sexual preference can be scaled from 0 to 100 (0 being gay ). I am on 50, sometimes 40, sometimes 60.
And perhaps you've never even found true love, just like me. I have never been completely head-over-heals in love with somebody. Would that have occured, everything would be a lot clearer.