Am I just being silly?

[Maestoso]

With the availability of the internet and phone apps, hooking up can never be easier.

I am 25 this year, and have only done once, a mutual handjob with a straight guy who was more interested in wanting me to suck his dick than anything else, he didn't even touch me. Never did blowjob, no anal, no kissing.

So I've been chatting up with some guys and all of them have stated they have had at least done all of those once before. A few years back then I was insistent on keeping it all for the "perfect BF" but I'm starting to think that this is all really silly and I should be having as much fun while I'm still young. Then this guy stated he had at least 15 hookups before and somehow I felt angry, sad and jealous.

Is the age thing catching up with me, because I still can't find that BF material I always thought would be easy, and will never be able to get being closeted and homely. I'm starting to feel really lonely and depressed.

 

[slowshow]

just wondering, but have you ever fallen in love? and if i might ask, what's your idea of boyfriend material?

perhaps your idea of a perfect man is simply unrealistic which is why you might not be having any success finding the right one. you need to remember that nobody is perfect, and no relationship is perfect and that's where compromise comes in.

 

[mbamike]

Maestoso, that is a personal question which everyone needs to answer for themselves.

I waited for marriage, to a woman, to have sex because of my religious rearing. I denied my true sexual orientation because of my religious rearing. I reached a point where I thought I was going to explode!

Now, I am a gay slut and enjoying every moment of it!

 

[dragon08]

Well no one is saying that you have to be a slut, just kinda try going out with a dude and maybe make out with him or something but you don't want to rush into anything. I think that a first experience of anything sexual for me personally should be done with someone I trust like a boyfriend. the second time is free game however.

 

[aaggii]

Age thing? Ha!

Go to clubs, join different sites, gay associations etc. What is your body type? There are sites available for any type looking for any type. Be the first to send the message!

 

[wikke1]

my 'PM thread" was kind of along these lines aswell.
I'm seriously considring "hooking up". I feel like it's "morally wrong", but I also feel like I need to get it out of my system, so that I can evolve further. It almost seems like I'm not ready to look for a "BF" until I've had some (any kind of, I'm 100% virgin!) seks. Sigh.

 

[Maestoso]

Thanks for the reply guys.

I wished it was that easy but I am closeted, discreet and do not want to be seen outside loitering in those places. Coupled with some other personal issues, it's frustrating. I am indeed try meeting up with guys via phone app but it seems no luck so far. Most only want sex.

My requirement is simple: Tall, easy on the eyes, not overweight, non smoker and of a certain race that I like.

Myself: I would consider my features to be quite attractive, tall, fit but not all big muscles, and of a different race.

Unfortunately that particular race is a minority in my country and I did meet some of them. There were liars who looked different from their pics, some who had sex with married men, and mostly the rest casual sex. It's tough, tougher than being straight. I'm ok with guys who has had casual sex but if they still had that mindset of having fun who knows how many others they can do behind my back.

Funny thing is a few years back when someone said they had casual sex with many guys I would find it disgusting but now I feel jealous of that person. I really need someone to be there for me, being alone all these years is starting to take a toll..

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Thanks for the reply guys.

I wished it was that easy but I am closeted, discreet and do not want to be seen outside loitering in those places. Coupled with some other personal issues, it's frustrating. I am indeed try meeting up with guys via phone app but it seems no luck so far. Most only want sex.

My requirement is simple: Tall, easy on the eyes, not overweight, non smoker and of a certain race that I like.

Myself: I would consider my features to be quite attractive, tall, fit but not all big muscles, and of a different race.

Unfortunately that particular race is a minority in my country and I did meet some of them. There were liars who looked different from their pics, some who had sex with married men, and mostly the rest casual sex. It's tough, tougher than being straight. I'm ok with guys who has had casual sex but if they still had that mindset of having fun who knows how many others they can do behind my back.

Funny thing is a few years back when someone said they had casual sex with many guys I would find it disgusting but now I feel jealous of that person. I really need someone to be there for me, being alone all these years is starting to take a toll..

What I see as being possibly part of your problem(s) are what I bolded above... You're restricting yourself way too much on that "perfect" guy that HAS to fit A, B, C, D,... criteria. Also, you're going to have a very hard time finding that guy to be with, while hiding in the closet and not wanting to be seen.

Basically, your requirements are too specific/selective, and your availability is too conflicting.

 

[Maestoso]

your availability is too conflicting

I have some personal issues which prevents me from going to such places. I don't see why I SHOULD be going to gay bars and gay areas, since most of them are only looking for ONS and hookups.

your requirements are too specific/selective

Tall - What I meant was somewhere along my height.

Easy on the eyes - I meant pleasant and well groomed, not model porn A list actor killer bod look alike. I have certain preferences, who doesn't? There is no way one can spend time with someone else you don't find physically attractive.

not overweight - sorry but I have to sound harsh here. I don't like to be around people who are fat, lazy and can't take care of themselves. I work hard to get a fit body, my partner should too.

non smoker -priority number 1. I just can't stand the smell, nothing can be done about this.

minority race - I do know a few of them but surprise surprise, they have higher expectations than me. I do admit this is what makes it hard but I don't get turned on by other races.

You got me wrong, I'm willing to accept flaws but these are just simple requirements compared to what I've seen, read and heard (must have abs, biceps, big chests, model like face, big cock,hulk look alike etc etc)

 

[hylas]

i think people who are "saving themselves" are indeed silly. i just dont understand why you would. needless to say, this is just my opinion, and there are those who disagree.

that aside, i think its really, really hard to find love if youre closeted. secrecy and shame are not good conditions for love to grow. plus, for a relationship, you probably want a emotinally healthy person, and most of those are out; and most out guys dont consider closeted guys relationship material. whenever somebody sais they need to be "discreet" its a huge red flag for me, i usually dont even hook up with them.

i would also rethink your attitude regarding your "conditions". although, i think this is more a matter of being inexperienced. i know i used to have all kinds of ideas about what i did and didnt want in a guy, in a relationship, in sex, etc... then i actually started being sexually active and all my pretty theories went straight out the window. you just gotta start somewhere and learn as you do.

 

[KaraBulut]

You wouldn't be the only person who wants to hold back a bit until they are sure that they have found the right person. The problem is that you've created a situation where you're not completely available (emotionally, physically), yet you want this perfect guy that is supposedly out there to be available to you.

You can't have one without the other. If you want to find the right guy, you're going to have to put yourself out there and you're going to have to meet a lot of guys. Part of finding the right guy is figuring out who the wrong guys are.

What you're doing is sitting in the stadium, watching the game and then wondering why no one is playing with you. If you want to play the game, you have to get out of your seat and get on the field.

Does this mean that you need to hang out in bars and have sex with everyone who offers? No, it doesn't. But it does mean that you're going to have to find a way to meet other gay men who have common interests with you. And it means that you're going to have to start putting yourself out there- emotionally, physically and sexually- if you want to find guys who are interested in you.

 

[Seasoned]

There's nothing wrong with being your own person and doing what you want to do and not doing what you don't want to do. Sex is powerful and once experienced its something you'll wish to repeat. Generally, we learn our own likes and dislikes through experimentation. Are you sure that your self imposed standards aren't more about fear?

 

[borg69unimatrix]

You wouldn't be the only person who wants to hold back a bit until they are sure that they have found the right person. The problem is that you've created a situation where you're not completely available (emotionally, physically), yet you want this perfect guy that is supposedly out there to be available to you.

You can't have one without the other. If you want to find the right guy, you're going to have to put yourself out there and you're going to have to meet a lot of guys. Part of finding the right guy is figuring out who the wrong guys are.

What you're doing is sitting in the stadium, watching the game and then wondering why no one is playing with you. If you want to play the game, you have to get out of your seat and get on the field.

Does this mean that you need to hang out in bars and have sex with everyone who offers? No, it doesn't. But it does mean that you're going to have to find a way to meet other gay men who have common interests with you. And it means that you're going to have to start putting yourself out there- emotionally, physically and sexually- if you want to find guys who are interested in you.

There's nothing wrong with being your own person and doing what you want to do and not doing what you don't want to do. Sex is powerful and once experienced its something you'll wish to repeat. Generally, we learn our own likes and dislikes through experimentation. Are you sure that your self imposed standards aren't more about fear?

Well Said, Guys !!!! Perfect!

 

[GamerBear]

I found a boyfriend at your age, I agree with everyone else here about not restricting yourself. If you do this then you are more than likely to scare away a few guys who could be potential boyfriends, but then again your requires are yours and you stick by them.

I don't typically go out with thin guys so I chose going out with someone stocky and a bit chubby. It's was a win/win situation for me because I never imagined someone who was skinny wanting to go out with someone like me. My first boyfriend was fit and our relationship didn't last long because he ended up with this thin Latino guy who was bitter looking than me. But I didn't restrict myself to only chubby guys though.

Sometimes you have to go outside of your comfort zone to meet someone, a person can always change with time, they can get in shape and be active on losing weight or becoming healthy. Just because they may be chubby doesn't mean they are lazy. I'm not saying date Jabba the Hutt but even if the guy is a bit on the stocky side don't pass up on them because they might have the best heart in the world better than the fit muscled dude.

Also my boyfriend use to smoke and I made him stop smoking, he hasn't smoked in almost 5 years now. People can change but you have to be willing to help and be patient with their journey.

 

[rareboy]

You aren't getting any younger.

Sex is like playing a piano. Practice makes perfect. Get out there and enjoy.

I always enjoyed learning more about the person after we'd fucked than some overwrought dating thing that always seemed to be loaded with the need for a 'relationship'.

 

[Maestoso]

Ya'll quite right. Straight people go out for dates, why can't we? I can go about the rest but not that race preference and smokers.