Am I "losing my edge"?

[IceColdLover]

Last month, I decided to join Adam4Adam for the third time. I got my first real hookup this time around with a 27-year-old jock that lives about 40 minutes north of me. He liked jock straps and socks, which I thought was hot, and he's hot too. He drove to my house one afternoon and started rubbing my cock through my shorts, and I rubbed his too. He took off his jeans and I jerked him off a bit before sucking his thick cock, which felt amazing. We did 69 and after awhile, he had to cum, but I didn't want him to blow his load yet, so he penetrated me and it felt so damn good. He fucked me hard until he came (he was wearing a condom). Afterwards, I inspected his ass since I didn't get to play with it and I told him I'd like to rim him the next time he's over. He left and I told him to be safe getting home.

I've been craving his sex, but also just wanting to be his buddy. I contacted him a few times via phone but never got a reply. He finally messages me on Adam4Adam some time later and said he didn't want to drive out that far, which made me think, "um, you just did a few days ago". I offered to find a ride to go meet up with him instead, but then he blocked me. I was shocked and a bit pissed, since I let him in my house, takes my anal virginity and then pulls that stunt. I tried to compromise with him and hoped he'd reconsider that I only wanted to be a friend from now on, but he proceeds to threaten me and cuss me out and to never talk to him again. I don't know what got into him, but I'm perturbed by his sudden behavior.

The second hookup I had was days after the first one. A 45-year-old guy who lives in the same town as me came over and stripped naked and jerked himself off. He then laid back with his legs up and I went down and rimmed him good. Felt so erotic to do that to a guy's ass. He sits on my face after awhile and I really dig into him with my tongue and suck his hole good, making him moan. He tells me he's about to cum, so I open my mouth and he shoots a big load in it and I swallow the whole thing. We clean up afterwards, he redresses himself and tells me to have a merry Christmas. I've offered a few times since to invite him over for more rimjobs, but he only looks at my messages on Adam4Adam and never says anything now. Makes me feel a bit frustrated because I am taking time out of my day to have some fun with a guy and they go quiet on me. Is the experience with these men a one-time deal? I would think if they were that horny, that they'd come back for more, but that's not the case unfortunately.

Is something wrong with me? Am I asking too much from them or am I asking the wrong guys? Am I not desirable? I've went through several profiles to see what the guys are like and if they could be a real friend or a FWB, but normally I get absolute silence or they say shit and never follow through with it ever. I just want some fun, sexual or non-sexual. Can every guy up this way really be that fickle and picky? If that's the case, then Indiana has got to be the loneliest state to meet other gay men. I don't know what to do in terms of sex and socializing, I've done all I can do and put time aside for people who end up wasting it and the next person is no different. Ugh. Help!

 

[ravenstar]

Just a suggestion, but if you want more than a hook up, possibly not using sex sites is an option.

I've had similar situations where I've hooked up with guys who disappeared faster than they came. Guys say what they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Not all of course, but I've found more often than not, guys on sites like Grindr or Adam4Adam are more interested in getting off, not forming lasting relationships.

 

[IceColdLover]

Just a suggestion, but if you want more than a hook up, possibly not using sex sites is an option.

I've had similar situations where I've hooked up with guys who disappeared faster than they came. Guys say what they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Not all of course, but I've found more often than not, guys on sites like Grindr or Adam4Adam are more interested in getting off, not forming lasting relationships.

I want a friendship and/or fuckship mostly, not a dating kind of thing. Can't seem to find sex on a SEX site nor can I really be friends with other guys because of guy drama.

 

[ravenstar]

I'm aware of what you want, my point is you'll find 1 night no strings attached on sites like A4A & Grindr. If you want a fuck buddy/friends thing, you're probably looking in the wrong place. You might get lucky though. It's just helpful to keep in mind.

 

[IceColdLover]

I'm aware of what you want, my point is you'll find 1 night no strings attached on sites like A4A & Grindr. If you want a fuck buddy/friends thing, you're probably looking in the wrong place. You might get lucky though. It's just helpful to keep in mind.

I want a gift that keeps on giving. Where can I find something like that?

 

[jensu846]

some guys don't do "repeats". Its fun having sex with new guys and then most guys move on.. Don't get attached. I NEVER contact a guy first after having sex for the first time. I let them contact me. That way I know they are still interested & you wont feel rejected and you wont come off as "clingy" so soon.

 

[fsubbb]

Maybe it would work better if you start trying to make a new friend, focusing on the friendship, by knowing each other first, the sex will (or won't) come naturally after that, but that way there's a chance to have a "sex buddy" and not just random sex with a stranger who is not trying to estabilish anything else.

But i don't know where exactly to look for that, it's really easier to find people looking just for one sex encounter and nothing more.

 

[nycguydowntown]

For a lot of guys it's a numbers game---don't take offense to it---you sound sincere and some nice guy will come your way eventually.

 

[checkinthingsout]

some guys don't do "repeats". Its fun having sex with new guys and then most guys move on.. Don't get attached. I NEVER contact a guy first after having sex for the first time. I let them contact me. That way I know they are still interested & you wont feel rejected and you wont come off as "clingy" so soon.

I do not agree with this rational. If everyone played chicken on the people they wanted, no one would have an FWB or significant other. There is a way to contact someone without being clingy.

Are you advertising that you want a FWB? Maybe that is your issue. Although it is important to be open to sex, maybe you should also explicitly state you want a friendship along with that as well. Maybe before you meet the next person, suggest you guys meet at a bar for an hour first before you hook up. That way you will have a decent amount of time to get to know each other before sex. This is more likely to yield an FWB because you will be able to have time to actually interact as friends.

 

[IceColdLover]

I do not agree with this rational. If everyone played chicken on the people they wanted, no one would have an FWB or significant other. There is a way to contact someone without being clingy.

Are you advertising that you want a FWB? Maybe that is your issue. Although it is important to be open to sex, maybe you should also explicitly state you want a friendship along with that as well. Maybe before you meet the next person, suggest you guys meet at a bar for an hour first before you hook up. That way you will have a decent amount of time to get to know each other before sex. This is more likely to yield an FWB because you will be able to have time to actually interact as friends.

That's the thing, people don't want to meet anyone, it's so old-fashioned. I like meeting people but people will only leave their houses anymore if they see someone desirable enough for a hookup and it's usually a one-time thing with these people. Not my problem. Meeting people in public or anywhere is a lost cause anymore, they'd rather get their fix digitally. Yes, I want both friends and friends with benefits, but I don't see the latter happening.

 

[hylas]

In my experience, it's possible to find nice fwb's through hookup sites, but you have to "go through" a lot of guys to find them.

Personally, I don't mind one-or-few-night-stands, so it's not a problem for me. If they disappear after a short while, whatever. (Plus, sometimes it's me who disappears after a short while.) If they stick around and we form something real, bingo!

If you're going to feel bad each time a guy doesn't come back for seconds, you're gonna have a hard time online, tho.

Regarding your jock story, as a general rule, if people don't want to stay in touch with you - and it seems he communicated that quite clearly - it's a good idea to move on. I'd be pissed off too, if a dude keeps bothering me after I made clear that I wasn't interested anymore.

 

[IceColdLover]

I just went and deleted 3 different "social" sites because of the vast array of fickle, antisocial people there. I must have messaged several, several guys but very few replies and the ones who did either just stopped talking and/or just didn't follow through. Done with that bullshit.

 

[Lube]

As has been mentioned, some guys (well, a lot, actually) just want sex once and only once.

If you want a FWB... you need some friends. And get the benefits later.

Are you out? Do you have any gay friends? Do you go to clubs or gay events?

 

[IceColdLover]

As has been mentioned, some guys (well, a lot, actually) just want sex once and only once.

If you want a FWB... you need some friends. And get the benefits later.

Are you out? Do you have any gay friends? Do you go to clubs or gay events?

Out to gay people and a few family members, yes I have gay friends, and no I don't go to clubs.

 

[LutheranGuy]

Re: Am I "losing my edge"?

I contacted him a few times via phone but never got a reply.

What is hot becomes warm and eventually get's cold. This means for whatever reason, even be it no reason at all, he has dropped you off a cliff. There is no point on asking why, because it very well could be for no reason at all. You will never know the exact reason. Guys drop us off cliffs. Don't waste time thinking about why. It's just a reality.

- - - Updated - - -

Is something wrong with me?

It's not YOU. It's the culture.

 

[LutheranGuy]

then Indiana has got to be the loneliest state to meet other gay men.

It is the same wherever you go.

 

[LutheranGuy]

Is the experience with these men a one-time deal?

You cannot generalize hookups. Every case is an individual basis. Not all experiences will be one time deals.

 

[LutheranGuy]

and the next person is no different.

You will find a guy that is interested in what you are looking for. You have to tumble through the shit to find a diamond and you never know when a little heat will engulf into flames. Guys don't want a good guy. They want the best guy. Not every guy will consider you the best, even if you are good. This is part of our culture.