Am I Over-thinking this??

[TJx123]

So im 21 years old. and not out. I dont have a whole heck of a lot of experience dating

So a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy on a dating site...or bear site, whatever you want to call it. a website, there we go. lol.

He invited me to go hang out at his house and watch movies and stuff.
(yeah i didnt meet him in a public place first, luckily he didnt turn out to be a psycho, so far)
and so i went over and we watched a couple of movies and then talked for a couple of hours, and we didn't even touch each other until like the last hour i was over there i told him we should cuddle cause his room was cold (cheesy)

so I think he really just wanted to meet someone and try to make a friend, obviously he had no intention of "making a move" that night or he would have done so.

So heres the thing, I like the guy, i think hes cute and funny and hot and all that good stuff. and he told me at the end of our "date" - "yeah, im big on texting so you have my number, just text whenever and we should do this again soon"
awesome, and so I have texted and talked to him since.

but this past week, including the week ive tried to make plans with him....

and he just. Keeps. Making. Excuses. NOT TO.

like ridiculous excuses at times and some not so ridiculous

but either way hes made an excuse not to get together every time weve talked about it, even on this past weekend I asked him Friday if he wanted to get together this weekend and that Sunday would be easier for me cause i dont work (and neither did he), and he didnt answer me back...until mid-afternoon, Sunday. saying "ohh so sorry, I have other plans today, but i DO want to get together" Really?? you have plans NOW today? well no shit! thats why i asked you 2 days prior...and thats pretty much how it always goes...he waits til the last minute to message me saying he cant...

kind of an easy out eh?? "Oh if i wait til the last minute and THEN say no, itll be easier not to go cause he'll expect it by that point" not saying he thinks that way, but at this point....come ON.

and he doesnt really show interest in me EXCEPT that he wants to get together soon, except he wont do that.... i dont get it.

Help me out here...ive seen this movie before.

I Dont want to be the guy that likes him that he has to make excuses NOT to see.
I mean, he contacted ME, so that must mean, SOMETHING.

what does this sound like to you??

Has something like this ever happened to you?

What ended up happening?

Is he just stringing me along for now, because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings?

Is 2 weeks too short of a time span to make a 2nd date? (because I personally dont think so)

am I just overthinking it?

and I dont expect everything to work out perfectly my way or end up in a relationship with the guy or anything like that.. I guess I just expect more then "lets get together" and then...Not get together. I dont want to straight be like "What do you want?? a friend? a friend with benefits? a relationship??" because it has only been 2 weeks I dont expect anyone to come forward with every possibility they had in mind when they contacted a person.

cause remember I did say I like him. And he is around 40 years old (i dont feel it necessairy to give out his exact age) and Im 21...if thats relevant in any way.

wow that looks boring to read...oh well.

 

[KaraBulut]

...what does this sound like to you??

It sounds far too complicated.

You've given him a chance to meet up again. He's given you evasive answers mixed messages.

It's too much work. Don't waste any more of your time.

 

[medic1]

Am afraid that i agree wity Karabulut you have giving this guy ample opportunities
to say what he has to say,and from reading your thread you have not just come out and said lets meet tonight.
Some guys just dont seem able to say what they want for whatever reason so they rely on this tactic.
You have done your best fella but i think you need to chalk this one down to
experience and just say to yourself well his loss and move on.
You come across as a decent kind of bloke so i dont think that it will be to long before you meet a nice guy. Good luck m8 medic1

 

[Echoes]

I think he's not interested and just making up excuses not to get together. You should let it go and move on.

 

[Aratron]

The same has been happening to me. I've seen a lot of threads like this lately. We should found a club or something

 

[Georgiadude]

sorry to say it buddy but I think your wasting your time. for some reason he's just not manning up and saying he's not interested. I wouldn't bother contacting him any more. If he's interested he will reach out to you.

let's say he is interested and these "excuses" are legit. do you really want to have a relationship with someone that doesn't value you enough to let you know the plans aren't going to work out? Even if he's into you. He doesn't have the common courtesy to let you know. That's jacked up. Move on. You've only known him for a couple of weeks and met him 1 time. Cut your losses and find someone that will respect you. He certainly doesn't.

Steven.

 

[TJx123]

hey thanks everyone

Ive taken Georgiadude's approach, if hes interested he'll reach me, im not going waste my breath. And if say 2 weeks go by, and he hasnt really contacted me... guess I have my answer eh?

thanks

 

[Croynan]

he has already told you what you need to know about him. drop him - he is using you and controlling the whole situation. i think the fact that there is a large age difference between the two of you has to be an issue between you.

eM

 

[TJx123]

i think the fact that there is a large age difference between the two of you has to be an issue between you.

well Im usually attracted to older guys,

hopefully that wont be a reoccurring issue for me - because of age difference...

but interesting, that could possibly be it maybe I looked a little older on my profile because he didnt find out my age until we met in person.

 

[altlover85]

Guys can be jerks at any age.

Maybe he has an issue with your age, but that's his hangup.

I date older men and currently have an older boyfriend and I can assure you they aren't all flakes.

 

[TJx123]

^ thanks for the confidence

i know all guys aren't flakes, whether they be older or younger... but boy do I know how to pick them, lol

 

[altlover85]

We've all (or at least most of us) dated bad apples. At least you came here and got some advice and didn't waste too much time on this guy. Now on to better guys, hopefully.

Good luck!

 

[TJx123]

yeah, im liking these message boards.

Im surprised I never signed up before, ive mostly only seen nice people on here

 

[Georgiadude]

I'm flattered that your taking my approach but I wouldn't give him 2 weeks. He's speaking loud and clear without saying a word.

as far as the age thing goes that has been debated on here so many times already. some guys have a problem with it some don't. what matters is what works for you. period. just because some people have had a bad experience with an older or younger guy doesn't mean that everyone is going to. there are idiots of all ages, races, religions etc. what matters is the person and what is in his heart.

cut this guy loose. even if he starts coming around a little. he's shown his true colors. you deserve better. now go find him.

Steven.

 

[TJx123]

^ yeah I see what you're saying, i was just giving 2 weeks as a general time frame I guess.

 

[fetaby]

There's so many guys out there, worrying about one doesn't make sense.

 

[TJx123]

come on now fetaby...youve never worried about ONE guy?

 

[KaraBulut]

^ yeah I see what you're saying, i was just giving 2 weeks as a general time frame I guess.

The timeframe is probably not a good idea because it just continues and prolongs the inevitable. You've given him more than enough chances to move forward. You've tried to setup another date and he's rebuffed your invitations.

You've done what you can. It's time to just let this one go and get on to the next one.

 

[treanir]

This all sounds familiar. VERY familiar. I've been in this situation a few times now. I usually put the ball in their court (after a long time, I must admit) by telling them to contact me with a plan if they're still interested in meeting up with me.

I've never heard anything back from any of them. Except once, and we met up yesterday. Point is this: there is a chance that your guy's genuinely interested in meeting up with you, but that he feels he can't (see Georgiadude's post). If that's the case, you two will meet up again.

Just don't count on it to happen.

 

[TJx123]

ok wow,

you guys were right, im stupid...lets call it a day.

I thought id push for it ONE more time and give him ONE
more chance...

something I left out about THIS week is at the beginning of this week, Sunday to be precise, he said he wanted to meet for dinner SOMETIME THIS WEEK (<- thats key right there)

so i said exactly "Sounds good, im off monday through thursday from work so any of those days will work, just let me know"

I didnt push for a specific day figure he'll pick the best one that works for him. Well this morning rolls around and like a fool i texted him "hey, you mentioned you wanted to get together this week, today is my last day off for the week, I close tomorrow night and saturday, however sunday im free after the morning" or something along those lines.

and comes back with

"Oh cant tonight im going to a movie with a friend"

^ FYI theres ALOT wrong with that exact excuse

he continued to say "and sunday is halloween"

Okay i understand Halloween, i even forgot sunday was Halloween but

REALLY?? Youre going to a movie with a FRIEND???

A: You'd rather go to a movie with a friend then on a date?

B: technically...TECHNICALLY didnt you "make plans" with me first??? unless you had this movie night plan 5 days in advance...which i highly doubt

I gave him my availability for the week, and he chose not to go out with me...i think there lies my answer.

and this time im not stupid enough to think otherwise.