Am I overreacting in getting angry with my boyfriend?

[basketcase]

I've been dating this guy for the past few months and he happens to be older than me -- I'm 22, he's 38. Recently, he got us a motel for the night and when I tried to pitch in, he told me it was okay since the money was "dirty." I didn't know what he meant by that, so he explained that he recently lent his friend $3000 for a pot farm he was growing. The comment kind of took me off guard since my boyfirend used to be a former cop and always mentioning the importance of good morals and making the right judgment calls, so the comment seemed rather out-of-place and took me aback. I guess I found this to be rather hypocritical of him. He asked if I was disappointed in him and I told him Yes, so then he tried to explain himself by stating that he didn't understand why I was so angry since he made back all of his money plus more on his "investment" -- which made me feel like he missed the point of why I was so angry in the first place. He apologized while grinning, and when I questioned him about the grin, he said it was 'cause I was so beautiful and then he tried to kiss me, but I pulled away. He often use to tell me that I was one of the few good people he knew, so now I'm wondering if he's putting on a mask when he's around me so his true colors won't leak out. I hate to think that about him, but I can't help it. What got me even more angry was that when I got home, he texted me that the pot farm story was all a joke, which if you were listening to him describe everything, you would know that he wasn't kidding at all. I felt like he was insulting my intelligence. Sure, I'm younger than him, but it makes wonder who exactly is this man that I'm dating. Am I justified in my reaction or did I overreact?

 

[FPNY]

Seems like there is something amiss in his story. Id be pissed too,k especially if you feel like you are being lied to.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I'd be making and keeping receipts for everything. They'll be vital if he gets nabbed.

 

[jasoncrew03]

I don't really have a problem with weed, so I wouldn't have reacted so strongly. But him saying it was "all a joke" would definitely piss me off, I hate it when people insult my intelligence.

 

[pat grimshaw]

And furthermore… the age difference can't help the relationship.

 

[sixthson]

Why is he a "former" cop?

 

[basketcase]

Thanks for all the feedback so far. Honestly, I'm not strongly against pot smoking. I never smoked myself and never really wanted to. However, I was really shocked that he would actually invest so much of his money in something so risky and unethical -- and he does have a job that pays really well, which makes it all the more puzzling. I'm angry, but I could forgive him if he was genuinely sorry, but instead I think he's genuinely sorry that he told me and now he probably won't be as honest with me from now on. I'm just confused more than anything. He's been a great boyfriend to me so far, but his actions when he's not around me makes me wonder if it's all a show.

And when he texted me that it was all a joke, it made me feel like he thought I was stupid. I got so pissed 'cause he probably thought I would naively believe him, which is all the more insulting to my intelligence.

 

[anchihiro]

Yup, sociopathic sounding, its not about the weed its about the projection that he claimed to be something he clearly morally is not.

Maybe he was never a cop too?

If the trust is gone, dump him.

 

[rjmrjm21]

I've been dating this guy for the past few months and he happens to be older than me -- I'm 22, he's 38. Recently, he got us a motel for the night and when I tried to pitch in, he told me it was okay since the money was "dirty." I didn't know what he meant by that, so he explained that he recently lent his friend $3000 for a pot farm he was growing. The comment kind of took me off guard since my boyfirend used to be a former cop and always mentioning the importance of good morals and making the right judgment calls, so the comment seemed rather out-of-place and took me aback. I guess I found this to be rather hypocritical of him. He asked if I was disappointed in him and I told him Yes, so then he tried to explain himself by stating that he didn't understand why I was so angry since he made back all of his money plus more on his "investment" -- which made me feel like he missed the point of why I was so angry in the first place. He apologized while grinning, and when I questioned him about the grin, he said it was 'cause I was so beautiful and then he tried to kiss me, but I pulled away. He often use to tell me that I was one of the few good people he knew, so now I'm wondering if he's putting on a mask when he's around me so his true colors won't leak out. I hate to think that about him, but I can't help it. What got me even more angry was that when I got home, he texted me that the pot farm story was all a joke, which if you were listening to him describe everything, you would know that he wasn't kidding at all. I felt like he was insulting my intelligence. Sure, I'm younger than him, but it makes wonder who exactly is this man that I'm dating. Am I justified in my reaction or did I overreact?

Your basically dating a crook. If the guy is making you angry now, why would you want to pursue anything more? That's strike 1. Then, he LIED to you about it being dirty money and took you to a Motel no less. Strike 2. Your story sounds hilarious but I would not want to be involved with that guy or in your position.

 

[Scottyboi]

him trying to pretend it was a joke woulda pissed me off but the pot thing? I wouldn't have cared.

Yes weed is illegal and while I don't smoke (I keep to my alcohol) weed is healthier for you than cigs or alcohol which can do massive damage to your internal body systems. It really shouldn't be illegal but i suppose that an argument for another thread. Just why I wouldn't have cared.

 

[Willie Boy]

Are you sure the pot farm story wasn't just a story? Maybe he really just wanted to pay for the room, as a gift, and thought that would work. Maybe one of his former cop buddies (or an arrestee) to;d him a similar story and that is where he got the details.

It sounds like the two of you really need to sit down and communicate, without passing judgement on each other. Otherwise you might as well break up now and go your separate ways.

 

[Puckzilla]

The part that I would be most pissed about is that when he was apologizing, he was smiling away like it was a big joke. Obviously he doesn't care that he upset you.

Brushing of your concerns like they are unimportant is just disrespectful.

 

[palemale]

Thanks for all the feedback so far. Honestly, I'm not strongly against pot smoking. I never smoked myself and never really wanted to. However, I was really shocked that he would actually invest so much of his money in something so risky and unethical -- and he does have a job that pays really well, which makes it all the more puzzling. I'm angry, but I could forgive him if he was genuinely sorry, but instead I think he's genuinely sorry that he told me and now he probably won't be as honest with me from now on. I'm just confused more than anything. He's been a great boyfriend to me so far, but his actions when he's not around me makes me wonder if it's all a show.

And when he texted me that it was all a joke, it made me feel like he thought I was stupid. I got so pissed 'cause he probably thought I would naively believe him, which is all the more insulting to my intelligence.

Would you feel better if he made the money investing in a legitimate corporation that bribes foreign governments, relies on right wing hit squads to murder workers trying to unionize its foreign operations, routinely violates labor laws here and abroad, poisons the environment, exploits child labor, etc, etc.? We live in a capitalist country. Most money is dirty money. Corporations that always play by the rules, follow all the laws and are guided by the highest ethical standards are virtually non-existent. Why be judgmental about your bf loaning money to a friend for his pot farm? At least it's not money flowing into the hands of murderous drug gangs.

 

[DeStzjl]

Hmm well this is a bit interesting. First off a couple questions you said about your ex bf that made you think about keeping your morals, just outta curiosity what is it that you find wrong about pot in general or are yu just concerned for his safety witht he cops? any who. I do think either way the followed emotion should have been suprised more than anger. Meaning ask your self- Why am i ____ becasuse he invested some money into pot. Suprised fits better logically asking yourself. Just my opinion however, and another is this. I think after instead of avoiding him after you should have tried to enjoy yourself and explain to him what the "point" was of your discomfort. also that may have been a peice of him letting you in under that mask you were mentioning. Which lead to the text, in which my oppinion changes a bit. I think its unfair for him to be judged on his income scource (esp if its somethin scarce) let alone hie's older (times and people are very diff). But that fact that an older man feels the need to lie ugh....ehh miss me with that one. Probably understood that he did it thinking that he messed up from that little convo yo0u guys had, all that can go from there is lie on top of lie if you asked him about it again. nevertheless making everything that comes out his mouth "suspect" I think you should tell him you kno he's lying and explain to him what your concerns were for him investing his money where the subject matter lies. He's a[big boy im sure he knows whats right and wrong, we all do. (But yet we do as we please anyhow) Idk how far you guys were into a relationship but i think that this( the dissagreement) isnt a good reason to have your status for each other change. the lying hoever yes so put an end to that have a talk with him and try to learn of any other skeletons in his closet

 

[TX-Beau]

Well where do you live? If this is in California, the pot isn't an issue, no one is going to bust him. If this is Texas however.

There is absolutely no moral difference between recreational pot and recreational alcohol. If you condemn one, you are morally bound to condemn the other.

IF the problem you had was legality, like I said, depends on where you are that determines the risk.

In any event, climbing up on a high horse about it is not helpful. All that does is shut down communication. Did you overreact? If you're asking the question, that's probably a yes.

 

[LatinCoffee]

I would feel the same way & def. know where you are coming from. Also, I know it may be a concern to you as he is putting himself in danger with the cops as he was one and you def. don't want to be part of this illegal mess.
I would sit down and have a talk with your boyfriend and get the real truth.

 

[Seasoned]

He's the one who called it dirty money. I'd be worried what else he might be into. Don't we all already have enough drama in our lives without adding more? Have you done an Internet search on him?