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Am I reading too much into this?

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rob20022

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I've been a member of this site for a while but mostly read, don't really post. I would appreciate any advice.

I met this guy at a concert and thought he was cute. We chatted for a bit but that was it. Done. Well about a month later I get a friend request from him on Facebook and couldn't figure out how he tracked me down. I certainly didn't remember his name. As it turns out, we work for the same company but in different cities and we saw each other at this function we had but I didn't recognize him. I just remember thinking he was hot. So we chatted off and on all day on Facebook about work, life, etc. Nothing about relationships or anything. I checked on his Facebook and he has tons of pictures with different girls but they all look like friends. He doesn't have an "interested in" male or female selected and is not in a relationship. He's in his late twenties and hot and seemingly no relationship in sight.

First off, would you talk all day to someone that you don't know if you didn't have some kind of interest in them? I haven't ever done that with someone unless I was interested in it possibly going further.

Second, it's really hard for me to bring it up because we do work for the same company and we are in a very conservative area. I am not comfortable with anyone I work with knowing that I am gay/bi/curious, whatever I am. That's another story.

It's hard because he seems awesome but I am scared to rock the boat. He may be completely straight and I am letting my loneliness steer my thinking. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm looking for a relationship or a friendship. My best friend pretty much abandoned me and maybe I'm trying to fill that gap. I don't know.

Any advice?
 
There's no law against talking or making friends.
At a minimum you could wind up with a great, hot, young friend........and maybe more........much more....... ;)
 
You won't know unless you try. I understand not wanting to be open and risk your job and reputation, but this is going to eat you up unless you talk to this guy on a friendly level and see what happens. He may just want a guy friend, or maybe he's in the same boat as you and is scared yet yearning to be out. I hope you make up your mind and take this advice, maybe you'll feel better, or maybe it'll make things worse, but the uncertainty is going to crush you until you do something about it.
 
I would be thinking exactly the same as you are!

Why don't you bring up relationships in a conversation? Ask him if he's seeing anyone?
Or even suggest going out for drinks when you're both in the same city.
 
Since you are not sure if you want a friendship or a relationship, just focus on friendship for now. Time will tell if either one of you is gay, straight, bi, etc, etc. Good luck. Everyone needs friends.
 
This is not something you need to be 'figuring out.' If you like staying in touch with him, just do that and leave off projecting into the future. Since you don't want anyone to know your orientation, there's no reason for you to open any sexual doors here, although you seem to want to. But you can't stay hidden and yet make advances towards him. So, leave that alone and just be friendly. As others have said, time will tell if there's anything more.
You can always say, 'Hey, I'm going to be in ___________ (his city or a city near him) for the day. Do you have time to have a beer with me?' That's something any straight guy could say to another one without triggering any flags.
 
friends come and go love does as well but i would honestly say you can make friends at any point in time i am doing that now because mines did the same and i have been okay secondly you just need to ask him jokingly to find out what you want to know little by little it about hiding the feelings and still getting to know each other or be direct about it and see what happens ask him tell me more about you and other things just look at it as you may have a new friend or you my find love with great sex in the process.
 
He may just be looking for co-workers/friends to meet up with when travelling. I get friend requests sometimes from my female friends current boyfriends - doesn't mean they're hitting on me. And they all know I'm gay. Several times when I was travelling alone for work, when I went out to lunch or dinner and sat up at the bar by myself, I've gotten into literally hours-long conversations with other straight guys who were sitting at the bar by themselves as well.

One instance I had called a taxi driver to take me to the liquor store and back and asked him to stop at the Wendy's drive thru too - instead he mentioned he was done with his shift and suggested we go inside to eat. He called his wife and told her he would be home late and that he was grabbing a bite to eat with me, we ended up chatting and hanging out for well over an hour.

Another time I was sitting up at the bar at a BBQ joint having some lunch & cocktails by myself and some guy came in to place a takeout order to bring home for him and his wife. He ordered a cocktail as well while he was waiting and we started chatting - fast forward several hours later, (lol I'm not kidding, his wife was probably PISSED) - I ended up ordering dinner there too lol, we were chatting about everything under the sun.

And yet another time when I was out in Carlsbad, I stopped into this dive bar that was totally dead. Eventually I was the only person in the place, and the bartender decided to close up early that night but he told me I could stay and he came around the bar and we sat and had several more drinks and again chatted for a long time.
 
Thanks for all your help. I really wish we could be friends, like actually hang out, but we live about 2 1/2 hours from each other and I work full time and the rest of the time I'm studying. I don't have much free time at the moment. I know we can just continue chatting online, but it just sucks that I finally meet someone with whom I seemingly have a lot in common and he lives so far away. I won't put anything too private on FB even in private messages, so it will just be hard to open up online.

In the past, I've never been the one to make the first move, at least with guys. Although, I did with girls. I mean my "100% straight" best friend made the first move on me. I had no idea he would ever be interested and one night he wound up in my bed with his tongue down my throat - totally unexpected. He tried to fool around with me a few more times but I just thought it was too weird with my best friend and I couldn't do it. He even got drunk one night, while we were out with his girlfriend, and told me he wanted to get rid of her and go have sex with me because he was in love with me. Then not that long after, we pretty much lost touch except for a few texts and one hang out. I kind of think he's screwed with my head. Maybe somehow I did with his as well if he felt rejected. My feelings on it all are so mixed. But if he called, I'd go see him in a second. He is the only best friend I've had as an adult and I miss him a lot. I never could bring myself to ask him if he meant what he said about being in love. I was sure he'd either deny it or just say he was drunk and didn't mean it. I have gone off on a tangent, sorry. But maybe that gave you a little insight into why I kind of feel apprehensive about entering into another friendship that could possibly be more.
 
I hope you still pursue the friendship matter, even though you're miles away and have little time for a social life. Friends are far and in between and you can't pass up on good friends.
 
Ring him - your lost best mate - he hit on you a couple of times.
You are the one causing confusion , what does a guy have to do ????????????
PS 2.5 hours isn't far to travel.
Get to it and keep us informed , every minute detail !
 
Okay, so I hadn't heard from him in a while but he started chatting with me on FB again today. We have so much in common. He mentioned that he has a roommate and that they had gone on trips together - we were talking about vacation. I don't know if it's a guy or girl, but the first thing I wondered was what exactly he meant by "roommate." I don't know. It could be completely innocent. I didn't want to pry and come off like a weirdo.

Anyway, my plan is to find some concert he'd be interested in going to and ask if he'd like to go. There's nothing on my radar right now though. I guess we'll just continue talking on FB. Sorry, my life continues to be boring.
 
genthree said:
Ring him - your lost best mate - he hit on you a couple of times.
You are the one causing confusion , what does a guy have to do ????????????
PS 2.5 hours isn't far to travel.
Get to it and keep us informed , every minute detail !
Click to expand...

I have attempted to call him once or twice but he didn't answer. This is his busy season at work and he works constantly so I hate to bother him at the moment. I always text him on his birthday which is in July. So I guess that will be my attempt to reconnect. He has a new girlfriend and based on FB seems happy - but who doesn't on FB? We only live like 30 minutes from each other and I have told him to come visit and he said he would but never has.
 
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