am I right to be annoyed, or just a bad host?

[bw92116]

We should have known. Who the hell would make poutine for a potluck anyway. Ick!
April Fool's Day is April 1, not January 1.

 

[KariRandall]

I think you covered the fact of what kind of party this was, and what kind of guests were on the guest list. When we have the occasional business dinner, we expect no help.

But, this was a New Years party which was purely social, and included people who are closer friends. I think the woman was out of line. Now, with 20/20 hindsight I might have said when here use of the kitchen was first mentioned. "Fine, you can use the kitchen, but I do not have time to clean up after you."

I can tell you this a person like that would not be invited back again.

My mentor is my bosse's boss, so we have had to develop some unusual understandings. My mentor loves his Saturday morning bloody marys on the patio, and this is a good time for me to stop by for our personal talks.

My mentor's lover, (former U. S. Marine), made it clear some years ago. "At 10:00 Bob is going to clean house. If you are here, you will be helping him. I like all the main windows cleaned once a week."

Needless to say window cleaning has become my job in their home. I like that it makes me a part of the household, and no longer just a guest. As a result my partner and I have been included in my mentor's weekend outings. They like botanical gardens. We feel right at home, and we know each other well enough to just say, "Gotta go, need some together time."

 

[TheOscar]

You have all the right to be annoyed! I hate it when people do things that make it seem like they don't care about you. And they're supposed to be friends and help you out, not make things worse. Annoys me....

 

[JayHawk]

Yeah i have lived in plenty up in that region and they were considerably older... one was like a 200 year old farm house that would not warm up... yet i was able to find all with either built in or refurbished to have such luxuries. It is one of the requirements I indicate when using agents in the past or using the internet for a search now...

 

[FPNY]

anyways.....i cook for my friends all the time and depending on what kind of friends they are, they either clean up afterward, or I do. I would be annoyed about having to pred a second dish for a party where everyone is bringing ONE. But, I would never say anything to anyone about that. I'd bitch to my bf afterward, but I would keep it myself as far as the friend goes. At my house everyone hangs around the kitchen while I am cooking anyway, so the party is there.....

 

[bw92116]

If they are a true friend, you can be honest and tell them you're upset with something they did. If you feel afraid to say that and feel a need to keep it to yourself, then that's not a true friendship, it's a much more limited relationship.

 

[Ram]

Re-invite them for dinner. Make it pot-luck again and ask your friend rather sweetly to make her "famous poutine" dish in your kitchen again. Let her create the same mess again. When the guest arrive, pretend to eat and chat with them. Suddenly, you will stop and start staring intensely at the poutine. Your guests will naturally notice the absence of corny, racist jokes that mingled in with their conversation and start looking at you, puzzled. At this point, while staring forcefully at that cursed dish, you start going red in the face and you must shiver uncontrollably. Take your eyes off the dish and start growling at the woman who had forgotten to wash the dishes. Point your finger and yell, "You bitch!" While your woman friend wonders out loud if there is something wrong with the poutine, you climb the table in the most animalistic manner and grab the tray with the most disgusting food of that night. Top tip: during a potluck dinner party, when trying to senselessly beat your friend to near-death always pick the tray with food that nobody seems to be touching. There is always one bugger in the team that fuck things up by bringing some ethnic shit that nobody will eat. Take the tray and hit her face with it. Grab the dinner knife, and proceed sawing her left fingers (if she is right-handed. please ask before you cut them off). Then slowly whisper into her ear, "You don't need fingers because you didn't help with the washing". As she begs for forgiveness and wonders out loud if she has left the iron on at her home, drag her by the collar and shove her into the kitchen. Here you can add a sexist phrase, "a woman belongs in the kitchen" and/or repetitively shout "vagina, vagina, vagina!". Drop kick her already limp body in the direction of the sink, properly advise her on the type of detergent liquid you like to use and make a joke about dish towels to lighten the mood. Return back to your table and start eating.

 

[bw92116]

But then what for entertainment?

 

[bankside]

Fascinating about the dishwasher thing. I assumed that most homes would have them now and did not expect geographical differences like that.

Umm. I don't know. It's one of those situations where investing the energy to resolve the annoyance should hopefully exceed the amount of annoyance and thus just result in a shrug.

 

[bw92116]

I still maintain... if this person is actually a friend, you can just say quietly, "hey could you clean those up and put them away? I'm in the middle of a dinner party. Thanks..." and if they are a friend, they will of course do it with no further discussion needed. The woman in this story is not a friend though the OP calls her that.

 

[maxpowr9]

Fascinating about the dishwasher thing. I assumed that most homes would have them now and did not expect geographical differences like that.

Umm. I don't know. It's one of those situations where investing the energy to resolve the annoyance should hopefully exceed the amount of annoyance and thus just result in a shrug.

Homes, yes. Apartments, about 50/50. Even still, I hardly used the dishwasher in my apt (usually after big dinners) and I still hand wash many things in my bf's condo. I'm used to hand washing a fair amount of my clothes anyways. Damn you delicates!!!!

 

[JayHawk]

we'll have to agree to disagree

maybe it's selection bias because it's always been a "nice to have, but not a necessity" for me... the only places where I've seen them commonly have been newer buildings or condos.

my apartment actually does have a laundry hookup, but I never bothered buying my own washer/dryer since my landlady doesn't care if I just use the laundry room in our 2-family house's basement. but cabinet space in my kitchen is in short supply... other than the cabinet under the sink, I've only got two other cabinets (both of which are pretty filled with various pots and pans)

Yar but apparently you do have a hookup... I would buy a separate shelve and have a washer...