am i still gay if i have some sexual arousal towards women?

[refujiunderground]

i'm trying to beat my meat right now even though my meat was all up in the air like it just doesn't care after seeing some female strippers. still have an attraction to men though. just asking?

update: was able to ejaculate but orgasm wasn't intense like how it was yesterday when i was yanking one out to gay porn.

 

[Rolyo85]

If we believe in the Kinsey scale, two out of three gay men have some attraction to girls too. As long as you like men MORE, you are gay. If you're more attracted to women than you are to men, then you're straight. If you can safely say that you like them equally (even if it's not at the same time), you're bi.

 

[Seasoned]

The combination between mental and physical excitement is difficult to pin down. She plays a factor as well. If you need it bad enough almost anything can get you off. The key, it seems to me, is who a person hooks up with or wishes to hook up with and the frequency of same sex fantasy over opposite sex ones.

 

[chrisw87]

The combination between mental and physical excitement is difficult to pin down. She plays a factor as well. If you need it bad enough almost anything can get you off. The key, it seems to me, is who a person hooks up with or wishes to hook up with and the frequency of same sex fantasy over opposite sex ones.

+1

Well put, and good information.

 

[refujiunderground]

The combination between mental and physical excitement is difficult to pin down. She plays a factor as well. If you need it bad enough almost anything can get you off. The key, it seems to me, is who a person hooks up with or wishes to hook up with and the frequency of same sex fantasy over opposite sex ones.

well, that makes sense. one thing that i do is that i tend to find myself getting attracted to the same sex unknowingly where when it comes to women, i find myself forcing myself to be attracted to or overexaggerating my feelings. i tend to have lots of crushes on guys too randomly. from my experience, i've had intense feelings for men where i feel this deep sense of infatuation, love, lust and etc that comes to me naturally where i can't say i felt the same way or experienced the same for women. it's that i've fought off the feelings that i've had for guys, forced myself to like girls for so long that i've started to believe that i was straight when i wasn't. it got to the point where i realize that i most definitely wasn't straight. i guess i'm afraid to be gay and i'm trying every bit to hold on to the idea that i'm straight. it's like i'm trying to disregard all the things that i think about but have been scared to act on and try to use me masturbating to a female stripper to deny that i'm gay.

i still haven't fully accepted that i am indeed gay. it fucking sucks. i guess i'm afraid of what the world will think of me and that i won't be accepted due to my past experiences with people. i hate being hurt and rejected by others.

 

[22closetboy]

i love women too, i find them just as sexy if not more so, I also love trannys, i dont identify as gay str8 bi, what have you. im just attracted to who im attracted to

 

[refujiunderground]

i love women too, i find them just as sexy if not more so, I also love trannys, i dont identify as gay str8 bi, what have you. im just attracted to who im attracted to

isn't that pansexuality though?

 

[Rolyo85]

Yeah, I don't get people who are allergic to labels, but to each their own. I'm 100% gay, and I love it. And as for your fears, refujiunderground - we all have them, but in the end good old Dr. Seuss is right:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

It doesn't fucking suck. It's amazing, and liberating, and has made me stronger than almost all of my straight friends. It's all in how you choose to feel about it.

 

[refujiunderground]

Yeah, I don't get people who are allergic to labels, but to each their own. I'm 100% gay, and I love it. And as for your fears, refujiunderground - we all have them, but in the end good old Dr. Seuss is right:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

It doesn't fucking suck. It's amazing, and liberating, and has made me stronger than almost all of my straight friends. It's all in how you choose to feel about it.

i agree and at the same time, i can see why people don't want to be attached to labels. these labels pretty much are black and white. it's like being straight and gay is made out to be something that is entirely exclusive where there's no such thing as being slightly attracted the opposite or same sex and etc. i seriously doubt that people are exclusively straight and gay throughout their whole life as in they never have been or will be to some degree attracted to men or women or whatever the opposite of their sexual orientation is. you know, you can still be gay and find a woman to be cute, sexy, or even be attracted to her. i guess that's what happened to me. i got sexually aroused at a woman and do from time to time but it still doesn't change that i like men more than women. bisexuality to me is when you can pretty much be attracted people of both genders as in you're attracted men and women instinctively and have strong feelings of love for both equally. like what seasoned and rolyo both said, it should be based on who you are more attracted instinctively and desire to be with instinctively.


i guess that because i got hard to some female strippers i saw on my computer i decided to and i must have thought that that made me less when it really didn't change a thing i guess. now that i think of it, all the years that i masturbated to women, it sure as hell didn't take away those thoughts and desires to be with the same sex. i still found guys attractive, had crushes on guys and etc. so i guess i'm gay. as this thread shows, i'm trying hard as hell not to accept that i'm gay. i'm working on accepting it though by going to counselors that will help me to accept myself for who i am. even though i have said to myself that i'm gay, know i am and etc, i still am holding on to that straight card.

 

[Rolyo85]

People have different degrees of attraction to their own and the opposite gender. I can confidently say that in my 26 years I have never ONCE felt ANY attraction to a girl. So I guess exclusively black/white people do exist haha.

That said, I think most people aren't like me.

 

[bma1983]

Am i still gay if i have some sexual arousal towards women?

By my definition of what gay is, my answer would be no. Gay men don't masturbate to women...especially if no naked men are near them. But it seems everyone has their own definition of what constitutes gay, straight, and bi.

 

[TommyTrojan]

i agree and at the same time, i can see why people don't want to be attached to labels. these labels pretty much are black and white. it's like being straight and gay is made out to be something that is entirely exclusive where there's no such thing as being slightly attracted the opposite or same sex

I think you've hit the nail on the head with this. I don't understand why people are so interested in labels in general and, in this case, why everyone has to be either 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight.

This usually comes up in the other direction: a male who previously has only had sexual encounters with women has, for whatever reason, some sort of sexual encounter with another man and he wonders if that one encounter means he's gay. My response would be: of course not. Think of the reverse. If someone like me, who's only been with other men, were to have one sexual encounter with a woman, does that mean I'm suddenly straight? No, I'm pretty sure the only thing straight about me is the direction of my dick pointing straight up in the air as some dude pounds the beejebus out of my asshole!

I think Kinsey had it exactly right--while there are maybe a few people who are, in fact, 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight, the reality is that the overwhelming majority of people fall somewhere on the sliding scale. True bisexuality would be 50/50, but people can be 90/10 or 67/33 or whatever.

If you insist on labeling yourself, I think sexual orientation (i.e. am I gay or straight?) is truly about how one is "oriented," as in, I would rather be married to a man than a woman, I would rather have my boyfriend hold my hand in my hospital bed versus a girlfriend, I find more enjoyment hanging out at gay bars, with gay friends, or discussing gay culture, etc. and not so much about discovering one or two physcially attractive women who happen to turn you on.

Because at the end of the day, refujiunderground, who the fuck cares what you call yourself? If you want to have sex with men, have sex with men! If you want to jerk off to pictures of naked women, then jerk off to pictures of naked women! Who you are or what you like or don't like to do isn't anyone's business except yours and your partner's.

 

[refujiunderground]

By my definition of what gay is, my answer would be no. Gay men don't masturbate to women...especially if no naked men are near them. But it seems everyone has their own definition of what constitutes gay, straight, and bi.

what if i had thoughts about the same sex while i was masturbating to the images of women on my computer? i know that plenty of times when i masturbated to women that there were thoughts about the same sex that just creeped into my head out of nowhere. whenever that happened, i stopped masturbating right then and there because i didn't want to jerk off to the thoughts i was having about the same sex. i just waited until the same sex thought stopped and then proceeded to continue to masturbate to whatever i was masturbating to. i've also found myself having to fight unwanted thoughts whenever i saw images of men that sexually aroused me i guess.

 

[refujiunderground]

I think you've hit the nail on the head with this. I don't understand why people are so interested in labels in general and, in this case, why everyone has to be either 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight.

This usually comes up in the other direction: a male who previously has only had sexual encounters with women has, for whatever reason, some sort of sexual encounter with another man and he wonders if that one encounter means he's gay. My response would be: of course not. Think of the reverse. If someone like me, who's only been with other men, were to have one sexual encounter with a woman, does that mean I'm suddenly straight? No, I'm pretty sure the only thing straight about me is the direction of my dick pointing straight up in the air as some dude pounds the beejebus out of my asshole!

I think Kinsey had it exactly right--while there are maybe a few people who are, in fact, 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight, the reality is that the overwhelming majority of people fall somewhere on the sliding scale. True bisexuality would be 50/50, but people can be 90/10 or 67/33 or whatever.

If you insist on labeling yourself, I think sexual orientation (i.e. am I gay or straight?) is truly about how one is "oriented," as in, I would rather be married to a man than a woman, I would rather have my boyfriend hold my hand in my hospital bed versus a girlfriend, I find more enjoyment hanging out at gay bars, with gay friends, or discussing gay culture, etc. and not so much about discovering one or two physcially attractive women who happen to turn you on.

Because at the end of the day, refujiunderground, who the fuck cares what you call yourself? If you want to have sex with men, have sex with men! If you want to jerk off to pictures of naked women, then jerk off to pictures of naked women! Who you are or what you like or don't like to do isn't anyone's business except yours and your partner's.

thank you, man. that post was very inspirational and put me at ease.

 

[Rolyo85]

Yep, I think that was good too. The core of the problem here is twofold, I think:

1. The term "labeling" is used in a negative way when it shouldn't be. This is not the labeling that goes on in high school, where people change themselves to fit a stereotype. This is a label that has been designed to describe what's already in you. And there is nothing wrong with that. I like labeling when it comes to sexuality, because it puts things in perspective.

2. A lot of people use the "I don't like labeling myself" because they don't want to think of themselves as gay, because to them being "gay" is still wrong, disgusting or whatever. I am not saying anyone in this topic is like that, but I have seen it before. "I haven't had a heterosexual thought or experience in the last ten years, but I don't like labels, so I'm not gay". Really, dude? Cause I kinda think that you are. And just cause you don't like labels, doesn't make you any less of a faggot.



As for people's definitions of what gay/straight/bi is, I swear by the Kinsey scale if only because I am yet to meet a person that doesn't fit snugly in it.

 

[Seasoned]

i still haven't fully accepted that i am indeed gay. it fucking sucks. i guess i'm afraid of what the world will think of me and that i won't be accepted due to my past experiences with people. i hate being hurt and rejected by others.

Do you want to know what I discovered after being married to a woman and having two children, who I don't regret one bit? I hated rejecting myself more than the imagined hatred of others, which never materialized, by the way.

 

[Kabluey]

Sounds to me like you are attracted to the individual, not to their gender. Guess the best thing is not to pretend an attraction is less real than it is.

 

[Incognito]

While sexual attraction is complicated and it is fluid, I think Kinsey scales and 'percentages of attraction' confounds the matter for people trying to deal with being gay.

I think if you put your mind to it, you can delude yourself of almost anything. If you are gay- then feeling attracted to women is like riding up a steep, never ending incline on a bicycle - Keep peddling and you'll keep feeling it, but let go and you'll slide back to the bottom - you can't peddle it forever because you'll run out of energy. In the process of coming to terms with their sexuality some guys see that incline and try hard to ride upwards, while others think "can't be fucked" and just know they're gay.

When I was a teenager, I did feel attracted to women. I did watch and get off to straight porn. If I was hanging with the boys I could exaggerate my interest in girls convincingly. At 15 and 16 I had my first sexual experiences with girls, and they felt good.
But

*Gay porn was always more hot than straight porn.
*The cute boys always caught my attention.
*Boys were always on my mind in one way or another.
*The feelings I had for girls were never as intense.
*Any feelings for women I did have dissipated the moment I had sex with a guy.

what if i had thoughts about the same sex while i was masturbating to the images of women on my computer? i know that plenty of times when i masturbated to women that there were thoughts about the same sex that just creeped into my head out of nowhere. whenever that happened, i stopped masturbating right then and there because i didn't want to jerk off to the thoughts i was having about the same sex. i just waited until the same sex thought stopped and then proceeded to continue to masturbate to whatever i was masturbating to

This is what I mean by the peddling up hill analogy. Thinking that with effort you can resist an urge and change attraction that comes naturally. To know you're gay is just realising that your attraction to the same-sex is natural and dominant, while your attraction to the opposite sex is not.

 

[refujiunderground]

While sexual attraction is complicated and it is fluid, I think Kinsey scales and 'percentages of attraction' confounds the matter for people trying to deal with being gay.

I think if you put your mind to it, you can delude yourself of almost anything. If you are gay- then feeling attracted to women is like riding up a steep, never ending incline on a bicycle - Keep peddling and you'll keep feeling it, but let go and you'll slide back to the bottom - you can't peddle it forever because you'll run out of energy. In the process of coming to terms with their sexuality some guys see that incline and try hard to ride upwards, while others think "can't be fucked" and just know they're gay.

When I was a teenager, I did feel attracted to women. I did watch and get off to straight porn. If I was hanging with the boys I could exaggerate my interest in girls convincingly. At 15 and 16 I had my first sexual experiences with girls, and they felt good.
But

*Gay porn was always more hot than straight porn.
*The cute boys always caught my attention.
*Boys were always on my mind in one way or another.
*The feelings I had for girls were never as intense.
*Any feelings for women I did have dissipated the moment I had sex with a guy.



This is what I mean by the peddling up hill analogy. Thinking that with effort you can resist an urge and change attraction that comes naturally. To know you're gay is just realising that your attraction to the same-sex is natural and dominant, while your attraction to the opposite sex is not.

well, thanks for answering my question. now everything makes more sense. with that said, it's safe to say that i am indeed gay and that what i have done in terms of me masturbating to that female stripper and trying to overanalyze situations for what they are is that i'm denial that i am gay. with that said, i feel more better now. thanks for your input, man.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yep, I think that was good too. The core of the problem here is twofold, I think:

1. The term "labeling" is used in a negative way when it shouldn't be. This is not the labeling that goes on in high school, where people change themselves to fit a stereotype. This is a label that has been designed to describe what's already in you. And there is nothing wrong with that. I like labeling when it comes to sexuality, because it puts things in perspective.

2. A lot of people use the "I don't like labeling myself" because they don't want to think of themselves as gay, because to them being "gay" is still wrong, disgusting or whatever. I am not saying anyone in this topic is like that, but I have seen it before. "I haven't had a heterosexual thought or experience in the last ten years, but I don't like labels, so I'm not gay". Really, dude? Cause I kinda think that you are. And just cause you don't like labels, doesn't make you any less of a faggot.

I'm going to second Rolyo here.

You know, all your life, in everything you do, everyone you meet, everywhere you go, you will label and be labeled. Your name, your ethnicity, your nationality, your hair color, your religion or lack thereof, the group of people you hang out with - all of you life is mired in labels. Language itself is one humongous exercise in labeling.

It's part of the human condition to label, because we are curious monkeys, and we categorize to organize and interpret the world around us - and the non-labeler crowd has no problem with any of that. Until you get to labels that describe a presumptive interest in homosexual behavior.

I have never heard a straight man say "...I fuck women, but I'm not straight, I don't like labels..."

Part of the process of coming out and coming to terms with yourself is confronting what you have accepted about those labels.

Why do we have a problem with people calling us gay? Why do we have a problem calling ourselves gay? It's not the label, it's what we think the label means, and what that means for us. People who truely don't care about labels don't care if they're called them, or they call themselves gay. People who don't want to be called by a label care very much about being called gay - because they still believe that it's pejorative, it's not being a man..

I understand. Back in high school I had a stack of playboys and penthouses two feet high. I could get off to the twat if I fuckin' rubbed my bone raw, but I frikkin' erupted when I turned to the pics with the guys in them. I knew I was gay at that point, but I desperately didn't want to believe it.

Coming out is a process, it takes time, and even after you "come out" to your friends and family the process isn't over. You'll still have relics in your head that need to be dealt with.

You'll come out when you're ready, and you'll know you're ready when you do it. Until then you just keep telling yourself (this is a quote from another poster but I can't remember who) - that gay is the other normal, and bisexuals are just greedy.

Just kidding, about the bisexual thing, couldn't resist.