The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Am I supposed to sacrifice my happiness...

Telstra

Telstra

JUB 10k Club
Banned
Joined
Nov 8, 2007
Posts
43,485
Reaction score
34
Points
38
Location
Australia
1/ no
2/ no
3/ no

happiness is more important. If u are not happy, whats the point of staying with them.
 
Are you dating a 12 year old? If so then yes.

If they are saying you have to stop being gay then that's something you just can't do. Its not really about happiness. If there was a switch to throw and you could just magically be hetero that would be one thing.

Are they asking you not to bring your lover to family functions? Not to dress in drag at Thanksgiving?

If they are asking you not to tell grandma you are gay is that really an issue? Does your grandma HAVE to know you're gay for you to be happy?

My close friends and family know I'm gay. As for my extended family, its really none of their business and why would it ever come up? I couldn't live without my family either and I'm not going to.

I guess it depends on what they are asking of you.
 
i'm sorry you're feeling this way, puerquito. i know it's not easy. i'm only out to my immediate family (and i'm not even out to my younger brother) because my mother basically ordered me to "never talk about it to anyone ever again."

after i came out to my parents, we basically dropped the subject. i wish that they could be more accepting, but i can't change the way they think, and i can't change who i am.

it sounds like you may need to find some sort of compromise--don't deny who you are, but don't try to force them to accept something that they're not ready to accept.

unfortunately, coming out can be a painfully slow process. it doesn't end with "hey, guess what? i like cock!"

i hope things get better for you, pequeño. :kiss:
 
It is a very hard situation.
You know your mother. Can she handle it? You're 30 years old. Does she really have no idea? The truth is you can tell her or not that doesn't really make you a good or bad person. You have to do what feels right for you.

If you think telling your mother will make things worse for you then why tell her? What will it accomplish? Is there someone important in your life that you want to introduce her to?

If you think telling her will open up a dialogue and will help you have a better relationship with her then do tell her. It may get worse before it gets better but if you think in the long run it will help you and her then do it.

If all its going to do is cause both of you pain and heartache then stop and think about why you feel the need to do this. Unless you live with her, she has no idea what your life is like on a daily basis. Who you sleep with is such a minor part of who you are as a person.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you take some time and put some real thought into it before you make a decision.
 
Piggy said:
for family?

I have been crying on and off all night.

My family requested I sacrifice my happiness, my life, for the sake of the family.

I would hide who I am from my relatives of fear of destroying the family name.

I'm torn between the happiness of my family or mine.

Am I being a selfish bastard? ](*,)

Am I really the black sheep of the family? :(

I truly hate myself right now.

If only I wasn't born.
Click to expand...
Do NOT hate yourself,Piggy.And it is a wonderful thing that you were born for all the lives you touch.Don't ever think of yourself that way.

Sooner or later,you must think of your happiness.You're not being selfish,you want to be with the right guy for you.That's a great thing.You love your family,I know you adore your mother.You have made tremendous personal strides here.You have to live your life,without casting out your family.But they have to understand that forcing you to sacrifice your happiness because some of the relatives my not like it is selfish on their part.You are as everyone going to make mistakes in life,but don't make one so great you'll become a bitter,regretful man later in life for all you would deny yourself regarding love.

You're a good man,Piggy.I'm really sad that you feel so conflicted and torn right now.(*8*)
 
its your life to live.

emotional blackmail is wrong.
 
Piggy said:
My siblings know I'm gay. They've told me they're fine with it. Personally, I don't give a rat's ass about what my relatives would think about me.

My mother on the other hand cares greatly what our extended family thinks about us.

My brothers told me it will break her heart if she found out.

Am I suppose to wait until she dies before I live my life?

I've waited 30 yrs. Can't I wait a few more?
Click to expand...

Piggy,
Many years ago my partner came out to his family at the age of 40. He was raised in a very close knit very italian family, and his parents and extended family(aunt and uncles) were all in their late 60's to late 70'.
His mother was very concerned what other family members would say. Turns out nothing
Not only did the entire family not treat him any differently but they also accepted me with open arms.
Take hope and give it time.
Chances are your Mother already knows. Mothers generally do. Don't let other's non-founded fears dictate who you tell or how.
I felt the same way and waited until my parents had both passed before I came out. It's one of my deepest regrets. They may not have understood at first but it could have been a great learning experience for the three of us.
You need to remember that times do change. What may have been taboo a generation ago is at the very least tolerated now. You may even open the door for others in your family to do the same.
Take heart dear Piggy.
(*8*):kiss:(*8*)
 
Where is your Mom?

You are right that coming out in a Muslim country is not the same as coming out in a western one. If she's still back in the "old country" and knowing could cause repercussions for her why does she need to know? Is she somehow obligated to tell everyone?
 
Won't your siblings stand beside you and offer their support? And, how does your mother know that the extended fam would be upset by your love of other men? Generations do change with the times. The younger piglets probably have a totally different view of LGBT than your folks. You may not be the only gay Piglet running around in your fam you know.

I think the fellas have offered up some great advice here!
 
Man up.

Stop boohooing.

Your family is asking of you what they wouldn't ask of themselves; they are making their love and acceptance conditional.

Sorry, but they are wrong and selfish for doing this....and making you feel bad about yourself as well.

Time to let them know that they don't live in an atavistic, medieval society anymore. Tell them you're sorry, but in order to demonstrate to them that you are a man and not a hostage to their emotional terrorism, you're going to have to separate yourself from them if they can't accept that you are a loving natural person.

Be responsible. For yourself. Accept that homosexuality is a gift, not a curse.

Ask yourself. What do you get from them anyway? Except emotional grief and codependence?
 
Dear Piggy,
I can only offer you my support. Your rock and a hard place is one we all face at one time or another as gay men and women. When one additionally has to battle a culture beyond the family that promotes such harsh treatment for something so unavoidable as who we are, there is probably no circumvention that will satisfy all those around you. But as other posters have said to you, it is your life and you must live it as best you can. Happiness may exist for you, but probably not within your family. They will know, if they don't already, and there will be nothing you can do except deal with their ignorance and cultural bias.

It is a harsh religion and culture that demands death for something so natural as our condition in life. We don't choose, and therefore we are a product of God regardless of what he is called. You are good Piggy, and let no man tell you otherwise. With courage and belief in yourself you will survive. As we all have. Lalo
 
Piggy said:
I shouldn't be held responsible.

If I continue on the road to living a gay lifestyle, it may cause great heartache for my family.

If I hide who I am, I'll hurting myself by hiding who I am.

Both will result in pain and suffering. Shouldn't I deserve a little happiness in my life?
Click to expand...

You will always disappoint your folks no matter what you do! If you were straight, you'd disappoint them by not finding a wife that they adored. If you found the perfect wife, you would disappoint them by not having grandkids soon enough. If you had the grandkids immediately, you would disappoint them by not raising their grandkids to your folks' standards. If you somehow managed to raise the grandkids to the perfect, Piglet family standard, you'd disappoint your folks by not climbing the career ladder. If you managed to climb the career ladder, you'd disappoint your folks by not visiting them enough. And it goes on and on and on.
 
Piggy said:
Everyone's makes sacrifices. Maybe this is my sacrifice. :(
Click to expand...

Oh, come on Piggy. Are you trying to vie w/ Jesus Christ for the title of world's best sacrificial lamb. So, you're going to be miserable and secretive for the rest of your life in order to please other people? Good luck w/ that!

Or, you could focus on your own happiness and meet a wonderful guy and build your own, new family w/ him. That would be a family filled w/ love and respect rather than being centered on etiquette and someone else's expectations. Just saying...you have a lot to offer someone and you definitely deserve to be happy!!
 
Piggy said:
It's time to have a talk with the family.

I've made sacrifices for 30 yrs. I think they should carry at least the next 30.
Click to expand...

That rough and tough attitude is very sexy. (*8*)
 
I don't really understand how what your family knows or doesn't know affects your happiness. Your siblings know and are okay with it. They told you to not tell your Mom. So your happiness is ruined?

Do they live in the same town? Are you wanting to bring your lover to family dinner?

I'm just not clear on why if you don't tell your mother your happiness is over and you can't live your life. You've apparently been okay without her knowing up until now. Has something changed?
 
Piggy said:
It's time to have a talk with the family.

I've made sacrifices for 30 yrs. I think they should carry at least the next 30.
Click to expand...
It is tough breaking out of your culture,and it may not be easy on your family at first but you have to live for yourself.You know you have my support,Piggy.(*8*)
 
I understand how you feel. I come from a family of failures and I am seen as the family's last hope to bring honor to the family name. If I came out to the family, all their hopes would be dashed, and I would would be ridiculed by the entire family for the rest of my life.

Before it's over, I'm gonna stop giving a fuck what my family thinks and live my own life far away from them.

You are gonna get tired of troubling yourself to make other people happy, I know I am.

You are gonna stop giving a fuck before it's over also. Everybody does.
 
It's very difficult for a Westerner to understand this kind of family dynamic. I mean, cutting yourself off from your family is pretty routine, everyone does it at least once, it's expected; and nobody bothers with such medievalisms as "family name"... I mean, unless your family name is Kennedy or Windsor or Medici, who the hell cares?

But in your case, what I see is a misappropriation of blame. If your relatives use something about you against your mother, how is that your fault? They're the dicks, not you.

Look, the truth will out, one way or another. I truly think it's better to just live your life as you see fit without worrying about whether or not someone is going to find out...because somebody is going to find out one way or another, no matter what you do. Hiding who you are (especially if you accessorize with the obligatory wife and kids) just adds another level of shame to the moment when you're inevitably found out.

I would recommend against wholesale disclosures to extended family, it's not exactly vital information for them to have; but you have to live as if they didn't exist... they aren't paying your checks, so they don't matter.
 
You can live as a happy homosexual piggy...without having to make some sort of big announcement to your mother.

There IS no homosexual lifestyle, pig. You can FEEL homosexual - have a thing for guys - and BE homosexual - have sex with guys. You might even ACT stereotypically homosexual - buy Cher CDs, go to clubs, get manscaped. But there IS no homosexual lifestyle.

You can simply not tell your mother about your homosexuality. You can date guys, sleep with them, get partnered. When she visits, or you visit them, "this is Bob". That's all. She can either ask or not ask - it's up to her. And that goes for anyone else in your extended family.

Lex
 
A little history...my husband was also afraid of what his family would do if he came out to them and our relationship. Over the last 6 months or so, we have come out to his entire family. He was most worried about his dad and especially his mother. being the elder of 5 he already told me, she wanted grandchildren from him.

We both agreed to come out to all of his relatives and they can accept us or not! An amazing thing happened though, EVERYONE has accepted us.

I do not know any religions that fully accept being gay, it is sad that an all knowing god of any religion is so hateful that he/she does not love all of us....very sad!

I also must tell you that I hide my sexuality from my family almost all my life. My mother was very religious, etc. I was very very unhappy most of my life trying to live up to others beliefs and standards! You only have one life and your unique Piggy. You need to be who you are and be loved and give love, regardless of family, etc.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top