Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Momment?

[seveninchdong]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

Seeing how I have yet to be with a guy, I might do the hookup thing a few times to get a little experience, but I'm with you on this one mostly. My goal in life is to find a guy who is down-to-earth, caring, and physically active like myself!

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

When it comes to sex, no matter how bad it is, no matter what STDs are exchanged, no matter if the guy became a stalker of the highest order afterwards...I have YET to see a single thread here at JUB that said "I regret having sex with him." They may regret not playing safe, they might regret what happened afterwards, but nobody EVER seems to regret having sex.

But there are tons of threads where people talk about "wasted years" and "the one that got away" or "being too scared to ask the guy". It seems everybody regrets NOT having sex when there was the chance of it happening.

So I'd say yes. You're in a distinct minority. At least for now. Perhaps in ten years, you'll totally regret not jumping on your best friend in the hot tub when you had the chance.

That said, I think sex means whatever you want it to mean. I was one of those "I'll wait" people, and as such, I can count my sex partners on the fingers of my left hand. But I honestly don't regret not having had more. Do I think about "missed opportunities"? Sure. The same way I think about not going into the corporate world, or doing anything else with my life. I may idly wonder what it would've been like, but I certainly don't regret the choices I made.

I know others that are on the other end of the spectrum. One of my friends says, "Giving blowjobs is just my way of saying 'hello'." And that's fine, too. I don't consider them "slutty" for what they do, and I hope they don't consider me "prudish" for what I do. We just have different approaches, that's all.

There ARE other guys out there who'd rather not have sex at every given opportunity. You'll meet them. Nothing wrong with that. Just prepare to have the more "adventurous" guys not understand.

Lex

 

[jawswho]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

I've only had sex with one guy. I think I'll wait a little while until I find someone I really like, but in my case I felt I had to try it to see if that's what I really wanted. Of course if a young good looking guy wanted to take advantage of me

 

[gotdimples77]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

I do really want to be with one guy for along time. I havent met him yet. I dont have sex with just anyone but I do mess around, sucking, jerking,...that rubbing thing...frottage..lol. I know i wont have a problem being faithful when the right guy comes along and I dont think it means anything if we were to both have played before we met.

 

[rayheartsmiles]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

No, you're not the only one.
Before "miles" came into my life I had only kissed once. I was almost 18 when I lost my virginity to him.
I was absolutley in love with him and I always told him how much sex meant to me, because it did mean a lot.
I haven't even considered doing anything else since we broke up. I'm not planning on being alone the rest of my life, but I am determined to find someone else who I can honestly say I'm in love with before I do.
And just like some of the others said, there are probably plenty on here who feel that way.
No, you're not the only one.

 

[Luka]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

so, i hooked up w/ someone for the first time last night, and apparently im really good.....haha anyway, i planned on waiting till i found a boyfriend, but one thing lead to another, u know.....

 

[silversmith1213]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

I agree with you. I don't condemn people who fuck on the first date or anything, in fact, that's great for them. I just know that I am looking for someone to spend my life with, not someone to have sex with for one night. It may be completely incorrect, but I feel that holding off on the sex is a good way to judge someone who wants me forever because they love me and not someone who will be gone the next morning because I gave them all they wanted.

Then again, I'm a closeted virgin who's never been kissed so what do I know?

 

[silversmith1213]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

You are not alone with your views on sex. I'm too saving it for that special guy, but honestly I'm starting to realize that it's not that simple nor realistic to wait for some prince to fall in love with, especially after observing the horny culture here on JUB.
Random hook ups is not what I value at all, but if a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship, but is interested in having a real friendship rather than just hump and forget, I would give a serious consideration in trying some mutual stuff and more.

Well said.

 

[Steely]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

I was like that. But I started to realize that life isn't like the movies. Few people actually find that one person who they first kiss, love, and make love and end up with that person for forever. It's just not very realistic. I was saving myself for that too but I didn't want to end up being some old virgin so I decided to just give in and lose it. I've yet to do it again with any other guy though so I'm sort of still saving myself, just not my virginity anymore.

 

[kiltlover]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

For me there has to be something there. Anonymous sex and one-night-stands would be a no-no for me.

But then again I'm a virgin, not necessarily embarassed about that, not proud of it either. What do I know.

 

[Lalada]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

There can be no blame found for someone sticking to their values. Trust me, their not misplaced. You feel there should be something more, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I myself personally just don't feel like fitting in to one stereotype or another, and am very cautious not to upset any relationships withstanding. That's why people think I think sex is something special. It can be, with the right person.

But because it isn't special, does it make it any less heavy? Does it make it lighter an issue even if you don't think it has be special?

 

[drhladnjak]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

Love is special, but sex is not. It can be dangerous to confuse the two. The each enhance each other, but one is not necessary for the other.

Guys, let's get one thing [STRIKE]straight[/STRIKE] gaily clear--there are more than the two choices of having a different guy at the bathhouse each night and saving yourself for the one perfect guy you'll spend the rest of your life with. IMHO, both are unlikely to lead to satisfaction. There is so much grey area in between that anybody should be able to find something that works for his comfort level.

Most single gay men I know are at least open to a relationship. Pretty much all of us have a desire to be loved, to love another and to connect with somebody special. Relationships are hard to come by though because they require a good fit, effort on the part of both guys and timing has to be right(i.e., both guys being in a state where a relationship works in their lives at a given time). Consequently, a lot of guys would like a relationship but still enjoy casual sex or sex while getting to know somebody they're dating until that special relationship happens.

Personally, I view getting to know a date sexually as important as getting to know them as a person. A relationship has to work on emotional, mental and physical levels so I need to explore all those aspects with anybody I'm dating. I've had amazing hookups with hot guys I then tried to date only to find there was no emotional or mental connection. Other times, I've dated a guy for a long time and delayed anything physical only to find out that we were not suited for each other sexually. Both are disappointing, but that's life.

True love like in the movies either doesn't exist or is very rare. You need to get out there and meet people who you share common interests with to find out who you are compatible with.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

... waiting till true love before you share yourself with someone else?


Everyone has the time that is right for them. There are lots of posts on this forum that say things like, "Get him drunk and take advantage of him". It is a sign of how sex has become something that is very as casual and something that has become very separate from feelings, emotion and commitment.

With that said, the fault in the "waiting for the right moment" logic is that having sex with someone is a natural progression in a relationship. It is supposed to be a means to express something you feel toward another person- whether that be love or lust. When you are dating someone, is also supposed to imply a commitment to the relationship.

Most people who have been in long term committed relationships will tell you that they no way of knowing that they would be with the same person in a year, ten years, twenty years... And there are plenty of people who will tell you "I found The One" only to discover shortly thereafter that it was just a short term thing. The "Man I Love" thing really puts a lot of pressure on both parties in the relationship.

The decision to have sex with someone is a personal decision and you have to decide when the time is right. But, as others have said in this thread, there's a middle ground between casual sex and the "waiting for The One". How is it exactly that you are going to know that you've met the right person and that person loves you if you are not willing make a commitment to let the relationship become physical?

 

[oralsex]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

No you are not alone. I am waiting for the right person also. I believe in true love and I have met a handful of people on here who are virgins waiting for the one person to spend the rest of their life with. I know you can date a person and not have sex with them. Some people believe that sex still is a factor in wether or not they will stay with them. If he is not good in bed then they dump them or they were just wanting to get off. I think that sex should be between two people who love each other and are in that long term relationship. I do not want someone who is experienced sexually. I want to learn along side with him. I think that being in true love and having our first time where we get to explore each others bodies and expierece new things will be incredible.

I know, I am young and horny also but I think of the day that I can finally be with that one guy that I truly love.

 

[stonegrill]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

i am happy to see people still hold up this hope of true love. I used to and now still wait for the special prince to fulfill my life. but during the course of high hope, some post on this JUB suggested me that don't limit myself in the perfect paradigm. So I did open myself. If something is meant to happen, let it happen. and if you feel that the burden of waiting for that that special one is too heavy, you may put down the weight, take things easy, and carry it back on later in the journey. your life will guide you, but don't live a life with regrets.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

Any regrets, stonegrill?

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

You boys are all so YOUNG.....here's the thing with love....in my humble opinion. It's highly overrated. Because I guarantee you, without one shadow of a doubt, someday the guy you love is going to be the guy you HATE and can't stand the sight of for a least a little for a few hours.

Love isn't the feeling, it's finding someone you can live with and here are a couple of things that have to mesh or it's REALLY REALLY hard (not impossible) to make it work:
1. You have to be financially on the same page. One can't be a penny pincher and the other spends like there's no tomorrow. Rich or poor has nothing to do with it, because if your both rich but one can't stand blowing money right and left like the other, it will never work.
2. You have to be on the same religious page. One can't be a church going Jesus freak and the other an atheist.
3. You have to be on the same page socially. One can't be a hermit and one a party boy. This is the hard one in my relationship - anyone want to go out?
4. You have to be compatible sexually. I save this one until last, because this is a sex thread. You have to understand if you fit sexually - thus the test drive. If both are tops or both are bottoms, you better be ok with an open relationship and bringing in a top, because SOMEDAY, SOMEONE or BOTH of you are going to get their needs met and my biggest issue with gay relationship is DENIAL. I can't tell you how many couples I meet and they are "monogamous" but the other is out fooling around. Don't be an idiot - if your not giving/getting sex from your partner - your getting it from somewhere.

You guys have great ideals of love. Ideals, not ideas. There's nothing wrong with waiting, but the practical fact is that love is more about your ability to stay in a relationship when you go through hard times. There is a time to give up and cut your losses, but getting through the hard times into the good times is true love.

Make up sex is great road to better times!

The other great truth - once again in my opinion - is MEN are dogs. Sex and love are different just as mentioned above. I see no issue with trying out a lot of sizes, shapes and colors before you settle in on one. You purchase a car this way, houses, shoes, etc. You don't wait for the one to magically appear. Be safe, don't have sex if your not attracted to the person, but heck if the other guy is hot, you should see what's in his pants, it's amazing how different they all are and who knows, you might find TRUE love on a test drive!

Live life - don't put yourself in too many boxes with too many standards. Don't be foolish, but don't get too uptight about this.

My 2 cents and it's worth about that much too!

 

[socalistud3]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

i personally didnt wait for true love and just let someone take advantage of me...but i don't regret it at all....but i think its good that you are waiting and you have a good head on your shoulders to do all this...good for you and more power to you....so i say keep it up until you feel its the right time for YOU...

 

[rareboy]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

You boys are all so YOUNG.....here's the thing with love....in my humble opinion. It's highly overrated. Because I guarantee you, without one shadow of a doubt, someday the guy you love is going to be the guy you HATE and can't stand the sight of for a least a little for a few hours.

Love isn't the feeling, it's finding someone you can live with and here are a couple of things that have to mesh or it's REALLY REALLY hard (not impossible) to make it work:
1. You have to be financially on the same page. One can't be a penny pincher and the other spends like there's no tomorrow. Rich or poor has nothing to do with it, because if your both rich but one can't stand blowing money right and left like the other, it will never work.
2. You have to be on the same religious page. One can't be a church going Jesus freak and the other an atheist.
3. You have to be on the same page socially. One can't be a hermit and one a party boy. This is the hard one in my relationship - anyone want to go out?
4. You have to be compatible sexually. I save this one until last, because this is a sex thread. You have to understand if you fit sexually - thus the test drive. If both are tops or both are bottoms, you better be ok with an open relationship and bringing in a top, because SOMEDAY, SOMEONE or BOTH of you are going to get their needs met and my biggest issue with gay relationship is DENIAL. I can't tell you how many couples I meet and they are "monogamous" but the other is out fooling around. Don't be an idiot - if your not giving/getting sex from your partner - your getting it from somewhere.

You guys have great ideals of love. Ideals, not ideas. There's nothing wrong with waiting, but the practical fact is that love is more about your ability to stay in a relationship when you go through hard times. There is a time to give up and cut your losses, but getting through the hard times into the good times is true love.

Make up sex is great road to better times!

The other great truth - once again in my opinion - is MEN are dogs. Sex and love are different just as mentioned above. I see no issue with trying out a lot of sizes, shapes and colors before you settle in on one. You purchase a car this way, houses, shoes, etc. You don't wait for the one to magically appear. Be safe, don't have sex if your not attracted to the person, but heck if the other guy is hot, you should see what's in his pants, it's amazing how different they all are and who knows, you might find TRUE love on a test drive!

Live life - don't put yourself in too many boxes with too many standards. Don't be foolish, but don't get too uptight about this.

My 2 cents and it's worth about that much too!

There is so much to disagree with here. After 26 years, I know what I am saying. But there is a kernel of truth as well.

As others have noted, sex and love can be distinguishable from each other. Sex is just a different knid of athletics for some and a holy rite for others.

If you want true love before you fuck, fine. But just don't use it as a shield to miss out on a lot of great friendships you might otherwise have made.

And just don't think that somehow you're better than anyone else because of the choice you've made.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Re: Am I the Only One Waiting For the Right Mommen

Not hard to the world, I didn't mean for it to come across like that. I meant it from a place of FREEDOM. Don't get yourself all boxed in with crazy ideas of what love is. Live, Explore, EXPERIENCE.

I was once very naive and grew up being told by ministers that I should save yourself for my wife. That was very confining for me and made me feel very inadequate and undisciplined because I couldn't control my desires. Come to find out, those were unrealistic. Don't get me wrong, you have to use your brain and you can't have sex with anything and everything or your going to catch something. But I just suggest that it's very liberating to be free of the unrealistic expectations that come with sex and relationships.

I've been in my relationship with my partner for 10 years and we still have some of the best sex and we really enjoy being with each other and having others with us (gotta have rules and boundaries - again - use your brain). We have had some major fights, sometimes I didn't know if we were going to make it, but we both hung in there and it had nothing to do with our "virginity" or lack thereof when we got together. After sex the first time, most people don't necessarily remember that one, because everything comes rushing in at once and often you realize that with practice and experiences with others you have become a lot more fun in bed.

Just trying to help Volcum1206 not have be so hard on himself. If he finds someone, everything seems right, then go for it. Look at Luka - he went on his first date and they had sex - no judgment, but he didn't think he was going to be so excited. If he would have built up a ton of expectations for himself, then been disappointed because he had sex because the guy was HOT, then he could have put himself through some unnecessary anguish.

Hopefully just bringing some prospective to some guys who have had a tough time with relationships because figuring out and exploring your homosexuality is tough enough, why compound it with some ancient heterosexual expectations

I think part of the thing that helps me in my relationship is, I was married for 5 years (only had sex with my wife, it was good, but never care if I ever have sex with another woman). And if you ever really get to know someone married to a woman, you realize, that most marriages struggle at some point and sometimes for a long time. Sometimes it's clearly not right and separation is best. But, hopefully the things above will give you some criteria for ascertaining the viability of a relationship partner. The key is sticking to it and honestly, whether your a virgin when you get together won't mean a hill of beans when your in the throws of an argument and find someone you can be truly honest and open about what THEY want and YOU want - and this will change over time - you just have to work out how to change together.

Relationships, gay or straight are about finding and BEING the right person and then sticking with it.

Live life, enjoy it and take risks! There was a study done of old people who were asked if they could do one thing over again, what would it be? The majority said they wished they'd taken more risk in their life and lived it instead of just going through the paces.

(Getting down off soapbox).

Jeff