The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Am I too volatile?

H

hotscenic

Slut
Joined
Sep 7, 2016
Posts
189
Reaction score
16
Points
18
I have posted a lot of relies and advice on these pages but now I want to try and get some comments about my particular situation. Me, hotscenic has know a really good gay friend for about 9 years and we didnt have sex , but everything else about us as friends was tremendous. Going to parties and getting dressed up and going away on weekends . It all came to a dead end after an arguement about this friend of mine going on a long holiday to S E Asia for 7 weeks with his new partner whom I also knew quite well and liked . The new partner to my good friend was somewhat dominating but nevertheless was good at having dinner parties and it was all good fun sexy and gay so to speak. My good friend of 9 years was changing in this relationship and they went away on the above mentioned holiday and me and another mutual friend never heard anything or even knew when they were coming back. Mobile phones were off due to the cost of overseas roaming. That is understood but after that lenght of time I expected a message from their mobiles when say they were waiting in airport lounges or waiting for the connecting train home just on the mssg to say 'We had a good time we are home will contact you soon' . Not even a postcard was to come in the mail from either of them . We were a friends group and we almost had dinner out or had outings almost everyweek before this . When I happened to see my friends partner selling club tickets in a local supermarket I went ballistic so to speak thinking there he is obviously back from their trip and had time to recover from jet lag etc pack things away and that the club probably knew when he was coming home but myself and my other mutual friend knew nothing .Even my good friend chose to ignor me also. I think I may be overreacting and volatile about this but I sure gave them at the time bad messages by text to the two of them that I wasnt happy . Its been the absolute end of our group friendship . Is it my fault ?
 
What makes you think this is the absolute end of your group friendship? You've been friends for 9 years. I don't think most people would completely give up on a friendship over a night of nasty texts; at least not if you're willing to sincerely apologize.
However, I don't know what went on in those texts, you may have gone too far and said things that cut deep. Maybe you should talk with the mutual friend if you suspect that's the case and get their feedback? Preferably in-person. Too much data is lost in just text. The mutual friend could also act as a mediator if your friend is reluctant to talk to you. (And I don't mean sending messages back and forth through them, I mean them being a third party and ya'll meeting in person.)

Going back to the sincere apology, it's a good idea for you to do some serious introspection. Know why this hurt you so much and examine, honestly, what you thought the nasty texts were going to do. Maybe you meant to hurt them the way you were hurt, maybe you thought it'd motivate them to apologize to you? There was a goal. It may not have been clear at the time, but there was a goal.
Figure out how you're going to do better. An apology isn't just about acknowledging wrong doings, it's also a commitment to be better in the future.
 
Hi SeaCore . This did happen over a year and a half ago now and there has been no apologies from me or them . The opinions of others and friends over the matter I have considered, but the results have been divided. About half have said what you are saying and for me to apologise to them and as far as that other mutual friend in the group is concerned, he is no longer in contact with me either. Others are saying and one other good friend in particular that I should discontinue seeing them and good riddance # . I think he wasnt impressed with the two of them right from the word go. With all these problems/ things there is so much more that can be said about the situation in so much that I could write a small book about it., so I will say thanks for your comment and input and never fear I do have other friends straight and gay and we will all move forward.
 
Ok. Then I'm interested in what your answer is to the initial question you asked.
Do you think it's your fault; and if so, why?
 
Did you ask any questions of them before you went ballistic? If not, then that could have caused the schism. If you asked and gave them a chance to explain and weren't happy with the explanation, you might say what any friend that you thought you were close to, would say: "How could you not notify me you'd returned? That really hurts my feelings. I'm mad at you." Express your pain AND your anger equally, not just your anger. If you went ballistic without a question, I, in those circumstances would've thought, "He didn't even give me a chance to explain. He owes me an apology and I don't want to see him until he can bring himself to offer one."

So, lay out the scenario. What did you say, what did they say (if anything)?
 
Hi Seacore: Thanks for your reply about this and in particular your ongoing interest in my story. I can forward to you more details of this event and the follow up to it if thats ok with you . You perhaps might be in the counselling profession ? Let me know if you agree to this, and we can correspond . Thanks H ( sorry cant use paragraphs here because this laptop of mine deletes text when I do an enter ! ) :roll:
 
Hi mcbrion . Tried to give you a detailed reply to your response . The system WONT for some reason post my reply ??? I took a while to type up Will try again later but must log out right now ( what do they mean by refresh page ??)
 
hotscenic said:
Hi Seacore: Thanks for your reply about this and in particular your ongoing interest in my story. I can forward to you more details of this event and the follow up to it if thats ok with you . You perhaps might be in the counselling profession ? Let me know if you agree to this, and we can correspond . Thanks H ( sorry cant use paragraphs here because this laptop of mine deletes text when I do an enter ! ) :roll:
Click to expand...
Go for it!
 
Sorry . I spent alot of time with a reply and story just then AND IT WONT GIVE ME PERMISSIION TO SEND ????? and I have lost it. What is going on ?
 
I agree with SeaCore. You should hook up in person. If you're asking for advice this far from the event, he's special to you and I think you should be asking him these questions. I'm saying this with gentle sincerity.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top