Am I trying too hard?

[oldnavyboy3535]

Ok so I haven't posted on here with something this "serious" in quite a while... oh well here it goes:

Almost 3 years ago I started having sex with men, but it's really been quite meaningless hookups and one night stands. I am very closeted around one group of friends and my family, but I have began to tell people. I don't think I'm at the time in my life emotionally or in my future career where I can safely.

Recently I have found myself wanting more. I want someone to be with even if there isn't sex. This whole time I've been starting out with the sex and then trying to make a friendship afterward. This really has not worked well at all. Usually it ends up that I start to like the person way more that they like me. I fall in "like" way too quickly.

OK now here's the real story. 2 1/2 weeks ago I met a guy, a couple years younger than me but really cute, easy to talk to, and pretty comfortable with his sexuallity. Of course we talked for a week or two online and the first time we met, we started at the wrong place and had sex.

Now it's been 2 weeks since then and we've been texting back and fourth trying to hang out but he's been really busy with innitiaion at his fraternity. It's twice as hard because he is not out to anyone in his house. Yesterday he texted me to hang out but this time I was busy with my friends and family visiting for the weekend. We decided that we'd try and hang out today instead.

I woke up this morning counting down the hours until it was a propper time to contact him. He had business to tend to in his house and said that he'd try to call me later. As you can imagine I was crushed.

I met a guy that really makes me feel comfortable and now our schedules are seperating us. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm trying too hard for something that I may not even get. I've never felt this way about anyone else, but really it's causing me a little stressed. I can't stop thinking about him and cute smile. I really think he is a good guy. I just need some help about how I could try and get this to work.

ANYONE OUT THERE?

 

[martin6]

In terms of trying too hard, it depends. I think that in terms of you contacting him to get together, it seems you doing just fine by contacting him as much as you do. You're showing interest and he's showing it back, so no probs.

However, if you're gonna be making yourself sick over this situation, then yes, you are trying too hard and need to lay off a little. Worrying about someone so much when you've only met one time to have sex can be playing a game of emotional chicken. If it works out, you'll be super-happy and if nothing comes of it, you'll be devastated. Careful now!

But if you're not getting obsessed over this guy, keep trying!

 

[PSCGuy]

OK. Let me relate a little story to you. I feel like I've posted it too much, but whatever. I'm in the closet too, so whenever I see an "I'm in the closet problem" I want to put my two sense in. Sue me.

First of all, I don't think you're trying to hard. It could be that you just have a schedule almost completely opposite of him. If he's in college (I don't know about you), and pledging a frat, that is certainly a possibility. Although I do have to add, if he is 'comfortable' with his sexuality, maybe he should tell his soon-to-be brothers... Although I'm quite aware there's not a whole lot of pro-gay sentiment in frat circles.

But I digress. My point is, I met someone online a few weeks ago, and we chatted for a while online and actually set up a date. We went out to play disc golf and get dinner. Charming, I thought. And I really enjoyed himself, and I got the feeling the other guy did as well.

But it ended at a conversation about the next date, which basically boiled down to we wanted to see a movie together. But he and I both being closeted, there really was no "safe haven". And that, mostly I am led to believe, contributed to us breaking off. And I never talked to him again, actually.

But my point is, you say you want something more than sex. And that's healthy. But I don't know, from personal experience, that that can ever happen from the closet, while you're living with other people. So your first step at extricating yourself from this situation might be to come out. Or ask him if he'd be comfortable telling his brothers, and then you don't have to tip-toe around his schedule so much.

But until you feel like you aren't getting any reciprocal attention, then no I don't think you are trying too hard. If it's you trying to set up a date every few days, and him shooting you down every time, then you have a problem. I think that if you make yourself upset that nothing is happening, then it is unhealthy. You should like the guy, not the idea of being with the guy. And it seems like you do, so that's step one.

But maybe, since he is the one with the busier schedule, it seems, ask him when he'd like to meet up, and do your very best to clear your schedule. Be as compromising as you can, and if you still can't work anything out, then you know you have a problem on your hands that you can no longer control. Remember, it takes two to tango. He hooked up with you, as well as you with him, and he's still keeping in contact with you. So the street is still a two-way one, and while you have that you have something going.

*end*

Hope that long rambling thing helps. Best of your with your guy!

 

[oldnavyboy3535]

Thanks guys so much! It's hard when I don't have ppl around me that I can really talk about this with... and it's kinda strange that I choose to tell ppl on a porn site but oh well! Ur great!

 

[rareboy]

it seems, ask him when he'd like to meet up, and do your very best to clear your schedule.

If you're as smitten as you say, you'd postpone open heart surgery to make sure you got together with him. When people start negotiating schedules, it spells DOOMED from the outset. There is the immediate message sent that the other individual is secondary to everything else. Passion is extinguished.

Invite him out for a fabulous dinner and tell him to choose any night.... it may not work, though. He may have already decided to not get involved with someone who is closeted and, dare we say it, more mature than he.

Good luck.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi oldnavyboy, schedules are tough and people are busy. At least he's making an effort to keep in touch with you, as much as you are with him.

Rareboy has an overall good suggestion of arranging to have a great dinner somewhere--pick a day. That leaves it open to mesh with both of your schedules.

Where do you think he's headed with this, long term? Do you think he's interested in a LTR, or a quick-fuck when he gets horny (sorry to be so crass). The reason I ask is that he's obviously in a university and now in a frat house--and closeted to boot. So, not only does this lead to scheduling coordination, but proper care needs to be taken to insure discretion. How do you envision that playing out, in the long run?

Either way, for now, it sounds good. Have fun and let us know what happens.

 

[oldnavyboy3535]

thanks o2 ur a big help... not!

 

[martin6]

thanks o2 ur a big help... not!

This is what we call a not joke!

"Thanks o2 ur a big help pause not."