The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Am looking...

S

smarto0o

Joined
Oct 13, 2011
Posts
14
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Hi,
I am finding it hard to find someone, aren't we all!
Problem is i've tried all the ways possible.

My problem is that I still a closeted gay and have been on dating websites, the gay clubs around me arent't really that gay, and i've even tried the stare when ya know someone looks at ya and ya do the googly eye thing back!;)

My gaydar isn't really functioning properly I think or I either just fall for the straights ones that seem like me in many ways, or their closeted as well so is a bit difficult to ask without looking a complete arse. I mean I like some people thinking that their gay but end up being disappointed.
Cause of the closeted thing I dont wanna put pics on my dating profile cos I know people around me are on the site. So all I get is the blank replies or 50 yr old men who dont appear to be who they say they are on their profile. #-o
N.B. not thats theirs anything wrong with that age its just when ya 20 ya not reli looking for a long term relationship with someone really really older than ya!

Most people would answer this as come out but ya know little bit scared especially as when ya think you really are the only gay in the village whose not the leader of the pack then ya dont wanna be pushed even further away.

Any help! Thanks!
 
I understand exactly what your going through.

I used to be afraid to post my photo on dating sites too out of fear that I'll be discovered by people I knew on the site. I know it's hard not to be attracted to straight men (why can't they be gay right?) but we have to just accept that they will never be interested in us sexually; it is what it is.

Best advice I can give you is to let things happen naturally. Don't try and force feelings and just live your life one day at a time. Patience is key.

Hope this helps :)
 
You have BOTH asked AND answered your own dilemma!!! ..|

All I can do at this point is wish you the BEST of LUCK in your endeavors...

The closet seems like such an awful place to live ones life...

Do yourself a favor, and live honestly...

Oh -- and WELCOME TO JUB!!! :D

:):):)
 
hi Smarto0o,

Welcome to JUB and feel free to ask any question over here you would like to ask.

You told us you are 20. There are alot of other guys of around your age over here on JUB. I hope you will be able to get contacts with them and that you can exchange ideas / experiences with them.

Do you live in the US?

I would like to give you a very honest reply, and please don't be sad or disappointed with this reply.

The answer: both of your problems ('I am still in the closet' and 'I want a boyfriend / date') are connected with each other.

I mean, how can any other nice and sweet and friendly other gay (=a guy of around your age) find you, when you are hiding that you are 'gay & single & looking around'?

What makes that you cannot come out of the closet? Your family / parents? Your friends? Your job / school?

Alot of gays (=guys of around your age) have problems with dating a guy who is still very deep in the closet, as this often caused various problems.

Living as an open gay will make it much, much easier to get a date / boyfriend etc. Besides that, you don't need to have the burden to keep on living with a ly / secret etc.

So, at least towards my opinion, your problem of 'I want a boyfriend of my age' can only be solved when you open yourself. This does not mean that you must walk around with a cap with 'I am gay and single'. Right now, you are 'a straight guy without a girlfriend', and you just need to change this label.

Best wishes, and feel free to ask more questions.
 
Thinking about it I know you all are right!
Makes sense to come out, after all of my closest friends are female and already in relationships so i mean they won't be disappointed;) unless they actually have a problem with gay ppl.
What did most of your friends say or do?

Mostly its just being scared as I said of being on my own, as I'm still in uni and not one of the all famous popular people that have loads of friends if I was to come out and lose them friends i'd be a bit :(

I don't know what first step I need to take so maybe I should live by the quote "stop looking for love and it'll find you."
 
You probably WILL lose friends...

The GOOD NEWS is -- you'll gain NEW friends -- and those are the friendships, based in honesty, that you'll cherish...

:):):)
 
For a lot of us more quiet types the closet causes us to be even more quiet thus limiting our social life and number of friendships. As you gain confidence there's a much greater chance of attracting more friends and just being more noticed in general.
 
Quick Update!

So yeah am getting a bit fed up!
Am thinking about coming out but don't know who to start with?
I mean don't wanna do it all at once and probably wont be until after christmas but just looking for who would be the best first person?

Just feel so lonely at the minute for some reason.
I think at night is it even worth just asking out one of my single girl friends?

I think looking back at my first post and thinking about it, the one thing stopping me is my girl best friend who was my first girlfriend. If I wana come out I dont want her to feel bad.

I made the first move already by putting a pic on one of my dating profiles but still no interest which is not helping with the loneliness.

Thanks for reading!
 
Sounds like you live in a small town or at least not in a homo-friendly city. I know some people may completely disagree with this suggestion, but have you considered moving somewhere more gay-friendly when you graduate? For me leaving my small town made all the difference. I just couldn't come out there at all. People hate gays too much there. Coming out in a new environment is much easier than coming out at home sometimes. Something to consider anyway.
 
You know the problem, you id'ed it yourself.

So stop avoiding it and start coming out. You ask who to? Anyone, the first is tough, but it gets easier. You may well lose friends, but you will gain others and be happier and relaxed and open with life.

So just go for it and start. You know what you have to do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top