Amazing boyfriend... sex or not!

[Lube]

Now, that's not our topic. I just thought that all you guys here cared about sex most. I have to say that I'm REALLY glad you guys proved me wrong

Well, there's a difference between caring about sex and caring about sex most. I don't think most people said anything about sex being the most important part of a relationship. Just that it is important--just as love, and companionship, and intellect, and other things.

Relationships are complicated, and if one part of it is completely absent, the other parts have to work overtime.

 

[FREDDIE187]

Sorry, but I have to disagree. I saw it happen... not just once, but quite a few times. In fact I had one. The reason it didn't work out for me, after a year and a half of a great relationship, didn't have anything to do with sex. It didn't work out because, at the end, he couldn't give me much of his time. As he put it: he was a bit selfish.

Now, that's not our topic. I just thought that all you guys here cared about sex most. I have to say that I'm REALLY glad you guys proved me wrong

But it did not work. What ever the reason, in real life it will virtually never work.

 

[barefootbob]

I think thats different than the original question asked here though. You still want sex with your partners where as the OP was talking about someone who just does not want to have sex with his bf whatsoever. Two completely different situations.

A bf who doesn't want to have sex with you EVER vs. a bf who wants to have sex with you but can't get a erection.

actually it is the same from the point of view of some posters in this thread, I want sex but because I can't get hard the answer is NO from prospective partners, much like .. if he doesn't want sex then it is no deal.

 

[Teddyboy]

No, I don't think it would work.
I mean not being able to make love to your "perfect guy" really does make the relationship lacking.
And, sometimes that urge to have sex is really uncontrollable.
I love sex and I have such a high sex drive, it will be just too hard for me to be in a relationship where my partner won't ever touch me.
It's like having a really great TV set, but not being able to turn it on and watch it.

 

[cabal74]

I know myself enough to know that would eat at me over time. In the long run I would end up miserable. Waiting is one thing but never is something else. Unfortunately I am a human animal and my instincts are still active.

 

[silentalk]

Very interesting question as I have thought about such for some time now. I have been single for 3.5 years and really love it. When it comes to finding a partner, I honestly could do without the sex part of the relationship as long as there is some form of intimacy like kissing/making out.

I tend to value the companionship side of a relationship much more so than the actual sex act. That is not to say I would not enjoy having sex with that special someone, just that for me...not a priority.

Exactly my point! So... it would work out for you too, right?

 

[silentalk]

I answered it wouldn't bother me bacause I'm that guy .. sorta. I have a genetic condition that has, since I was 26 or so, caused me not to be able to get hard, I'm now 50.

for 10 years I just threw myself into work because of embarrassment and self lothing. I finally accepted myself and my condition and when I started to venture out and seek a BF more times than not I got rejected because of my condition. I am always upfront and honest about it because I wouldn't want any surprises. I am a bottom and most tops will have nothing to do with me because I can't get hard. WTF ? I am a loving, caring person and loyal friend but none so far seem to be able to get past this issue and don't want to be 'just friends'

I can understand why most think sex is an important part of the relationship but it shouldn't be a deal breaker because you never know who might slip through your fingers.

@Comet ((HUGS)) man, you are very open minded and you'll make a great BF to some lucky guy

I know! Unfortunately, for so many men (and I don't mean anyone in particular), it doesn't matter how much you care or how much love you have to give if you can't "make love"!

 

[fadeinout30]

Exactly my point! So... it would work out for you too, right?

Yes, it would work out for me.

 

[Spiff]

If he is indeed to be a "boyfriend", then sex is part of a relationship. So no sex = no boyfriend. Basically your scenario is saying we would just be regular friends.

 

[fadeinout30]

Exactly my point! So... it would work out for you too, right?

If he is indeed to be a "boyfriend", then sex is part of a relationship. So no sex = no boyfriend. Basically your scenario is saying we would just be regular friends.

I think there are intimacies that can occur with a boyfriend even if sex is not part of the equation. And those intimacies I do not stretch to my regular friends.

For an example, hugging a boyfriend and hugging a regular friend, for me at least, will produce two very different feelings and emotions.

I can go have coffee with friends while having a great time. If my boyfriend (assuming I had one) and I go, that experience is on a totally different level.

 

[Spiff]

I don't think it would be fair to either one in the relationship. If you are human, you will eventually yearn for physical intimacy with another guy. If I was this said sexless guy, I would never want another guy to give up sex to be with me. I couldn't be that cruel.

 

[dousedfirepants]

I was actually discussing this topic with my friends the other day.

I truthfully believe that two men can have a monogamous, non-sexual relationship. I'd personally be up for it if the opportunity arose. Then again, I'm a pretty asexual person.

 

[CanadianGuy]

It depends on your definition of "sex". For some reason people think of gay sex as anal sex which isn't how I see it. If I was just "giving up" anal sex then that is perfectly fine because I don't really do that (not to say that wouldn't change in the future) and I enjoy my "sex" to consist of things like jerking eachother off, making out, blowjobs, etc.

 

[ixthrock]

i chose that I could do without, but I had a really good role model for that as a child - "uncle" elmo never married, never chased women (or men)

Don't get me wrong, sex is important, I'd love to be able to share that with someone....

but i've also been very hurt by some relationships that WERE sexual...

I've come to believe that there's nothing like sex with someone to bring all their neuroses out into the open...

...and i'm VERY with the poster that said that it wouldn't mean a change in their sex life, but they get all the other blessings that come with having the "perfect" boyfriend.

Ironically, I had some recent encounters with someone that seemed to like me a lot through the initial dating stages and who could've provided me with a great deal of financial security... and when it came down to it, I just wasn't very sexually attracted to him - so he dumped me.

 

[ronboy]

There are a lot of "ifs" here. I think one can have a loving relationship without physical sex. But every person is different. Some people need that physical intimacy, others do not.

I spent much of my youth in love with my friend Vincent, but never dared to even breech the subject with him, until I couldn't stand it anymore. The first time we really touched each other, the hunger I had for him was very strong, and very satisfying.

I have gone through periods of my life without being physically intimate with someone (I'm there right now, since Dave left me). When I do feel that strongly for someone again, I know what the feelings will be.

You have to weigh your feelings. Only you can decide whether or not the lack of physical intimacy will be trivial enough to sustain a relationship.

 

[Swellegant]

I could live with that. It's not like I'm getting any now... or really want any. The companionship would be nice enough.

But then, I'm at an age where sexual congress becomes somewhat less important than companionship. I'm open to having sex, but I'd rather have someone cook breakfast for me.