Ambivalent Coming Out Experience

[RAvenew]

First time of a personal introduction,
I am gay and I recently came out to someone that I really did not want to come out too.

I never came out to anybody. I was not even prepared to come out. I just wanted a confidant I guss. Anyways. I have known this guy for about 5 years now, but we were never friends. Our friends were friends, and we had some classes together but never friends. Well we met at a party and just exchanged numbers- - nothing important. We talked rarely, not even conversation just like "hey" "hey" or "nice shirt". We put on a play for a community theatre together and all we did was fight. It was amusing to me becuase it was the like married couple fight. "Do you always have to sing that" and just silly stuff.

I was in the closet but I got the vibe from him that he was gay and he got the same vibe, I guess. He called me up on a good handful of nights, I did not pick up becuase I was crashed. They were like 1-3 a.m. in the morning and they would be consecutive like 5 times in a row. Once I picked up and I said I can't talk im high, and he said fine, but I wanted to talk and hung up.

Then I did not here from him, just saw him with some of my friends when we went out, I did not talk to him. Then he started calling me again but I told him I can only text becuase I ran out of minutes. He texted saying he was drunk and he needed me, he wanted me over there, he wanted me to pick him up, He wanted some "head" and I was like, WTF dude. He said sorry I f---ed up.

Then probably a week later he text like 3 times asking if I like him and I was like: what do you mean? He said he knew about me and it was ok. I was like WTF. (The thing is, I think he only talks to me when he is drunk on weekends)

He has never had a girlfried. Never did anything with a girl. He is a little bit of an alcoholic who told me on many nights that he has 'trust issues'. Through strenious observation and thinking I thought he liked me. So I mean Im not stupid thinking he was gay, right? Well, then I started flirting with him, Im a big flirt anyways. At first he would do it too, adding smileys to his texts. Then he became coerce about being gay asking (or implying) if im gay. It got very redundant. So I just said: well, I am curious. He said he was ok with that. I mean great now I can sleep tonight knowing that your fine about me being gay.(sarcastic) I sent him a text saying 'whats up' later and he did not reply.

I waited a few days and sent him another text and he sent me back something very short. Like "nothing". I had to literally push the conversation on. We got on the subject of liking people, and he told me some girl names, I did not answer. He started asking like "Who do you like", as if he was interested in the answer. I have not talked to him in a good week...

Anyways, he really pissed me off, I mean I came out to him, I was not expecting a relationship, but I felt he was leading me on. He ignores me when we are with friends, but why did he push me out. I do not get it. I mean, the first person you should come out too is a trusty friend. It is just a bad experience and I feel very violated yet guilty on my part. I live in a consevative town and if your gay your closeted here.

Am I deperate for another gay? Or am I just lonely? I don't get it. I think he could possibly tell. I don't really have a question, just a story. I would love replies on what you think of it.



Single, Confused, and at Risk of Exposure.....

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd say, almost certainly. You want someone to talk to. Someone else who's gay, who "understands". And although this guy may be less than ideal, he's about all you had to choose from, so you decided to go for it. And then he turns cold. Why? No idea. Maybe he's got cold feet. Maybe he just likes to lead people on.

Whatever it is, let it go. He sounds like somebody you probably don't need in your life.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Wow. It is so hard to approach this one.

Nothing good will come of hitching up with an alcoholic. Unplug the phone at night and just hope he goes away.

 

[Love_chair]

Yeah like (rareboy) said I think this guy is no good and I think it would be the best if you just try to forget about him and hope he goes away because I see it going down hill and fast if you try to get involved with him

 

[JOHN B]

From reading what you posted about your conversations---it sounds like he is just as closeted and insecure about how to "come out" as you are. This is an awkward time for you (and for everyone--the coming out phase---) and you have to realize it's probably like that with him too. So, next time you guys talk, pull him into a private place, sit him down and TALK to him. TELL him that YES you are gay. ASK him what he feels he is....etc... You are probably both going thru the same thing, both unsure what is the next step now. You guys might not become good friends, but at least you can give each other a (not literal) helping hand.....

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Your friend is having a serious problem. You know that much. Not just the drinking problem but that one of being a mind player.

Run and don't ever look back.

Find yourself a decent company or stay alone.

SC

 

[RAvenew]

Ok UPDATE,

I took ya'lls advise, sort of, I just became cautious.

You guys dont understand I am so turned on by this person and he is just perfect. I texted him saturday saying We're hanging out and he was said tonight (?) and I said I was on my way. I get over there and he had alcohol and we went driving. I picked him up. We just chilled at some places and drank, (you can't hang out at one place here, alot of cops).

We went to a friends house and just sat and talked and he did not bring up our "outing" conversation a couple of days earlier. We finished the alcohol and so me and him left to get more. I was high and drunk,(I should really stop), and he was drunk. I have a "sex cd" and we listened to it because why not. So he is in the passenger seat literally laying down, seat all the way back, dancing with his shirt up. We got more alcohol, then his parents called. He still lives with his parents. He said he hasnt got much longer. We went to a fastfood drivethru and he like was basically hovering over me ordering because the speaker to order is on the driver side.

So we are sitting waiting for food and he brings up the subject, SO turned me off... conversation:

Him-Your so gay
Me-whatever
Him-Your so gay
Me-Yup
Him- How do you feel about that?
Me- I dont care
Him-Who do you like?
Me- No one in particular
Him-....Do you find me attractive, sexually attractive?
Me-I wouldn't mind.
Him-[laughing]

He got his food and we drank more, and ate. Then he talked about what girl he likes "green eyes and brown hair", which is me just not gender wise. I told him I wish he was gay, he said he would with me if he was gay. <<--Did that make since to you, not me, "would with me" what. Anyways, he had to go home and he lost his wallet and he was freaking out. I dropped him off and I traced our whole night searching for it, I found it on the neighbors grass, must of dropped it when he opened the door to the car. I called him up and said he owes me, he said he would give me a gay favor.

I drove over there and he was said thank you many times and then said "Your gay, I will give you a kiss" I backed out (I know whyyyyyy) and said I have to go and bye. I texted him saying were hanging out next weekend, and he said ok.

I am so wanting to seduce him but how, he kind of wants to make a statement that he is straight. I dont think so. anyways. Thought my reply-ees would enjoy!

Single. gay. Enjoying it. Wanting to EMBRACE it.

 

[Dman007]

glad things are startin to look up