In light of a number of PMs to me with concerns and enquiries about my wellbeing (to which I invariably respond "I'm fine"), and due to the fact that you've undoubtedly noticed a lack of an update for Watching Brad this week, I thought it best that I explain. (I hope Autolycus doesn't mind this 'non-story' thread. 
)
You are likely aware of my back problems, but I have been less than forthcoming in my truthfulness concerning the severity of them and I thought it best to 'come clean' now. Why not earlier? Well, because I know some people (including a few relatives) who actively seek out sympathy and bathe in it by constantly moaning and groaning about every little ache and pain. That's not me. I hate weighing other people down with my problems. They have enough of their own to worry about, so I usually just keep my mouth shut and pretend that everything is okay.
My bad back is nothing new. I was born with it, passed down from my Grandfather to my father and then to me. I have 2 older brothers who suffer the same condition, but nothing to my extent. Mine came to light during my late teens but theirs came about much later in life. Mine became serious enough to put me on a disability pension in 1987 when my back finally gave out.
It's an inherited, degenerative condition. Nothing can be done to stop it and nothing can fix it. If the condition even has a name, I don't know what it is. It's just happening.
What it means, though, is that my spine had degenerated to the point that, in 1987, the muscles were no longer able to support it properly and it all went akimbo. . . literally. In effect, my spine is twisted in 3 different directions at the same time - 1 way laterally and 2 ways vertically:
Looking at me from the top, my shoulders and pelvis don't line up (lateral twist). Whereas they should be parallel, they more resemble a squashed 'X'. From bottom to top, my spine has twisted to the left.
From the side, my lower spine has lost that familiar 'S' curve, meaning that, from the shoulders down, it is virtually straight. I require constant support for it when sitting.
Finally, my left leg is shorter than my right leg and, if I were to stand flat-footed, you would see that my pelvis tilts noticably when viewed from behind. This is the main cause of the undue pressure on my hips and the resulting pain when I walk. That's why walking is so difficult for me, and getting more difficult all the time.
Add age and arthritis to the mixing bowl and you end up with a batter which makes a pretty rotten cake when you take it out of the oven.
Anyway, all that was something I was able to deal with for many years. In fact, when I began writing stories for this forum, it wasn't unusual for me to sit at the computer and write for up to 15 hours a day. I had no problem writing 3 stories at the same time and keeping them regularly updated. You've probably noticed that that has changed slightly. Where once my computer time could be measured in hours, it is now usually measured in minutes. I simply can't sit at the computer and write as much as I used to. Whether all those hours hunched over the keyboard had anything to do with it, I'll probably never know.
Lately, though, I've been thrown another curve ball which I hadn't anticipated. When my back went out in the late 80s, I wasn't able to sleep on my back or my stomach. Doing so would literally paralyse me and I would need help getting up. I could sleep only on my sides. Since July, however, I haven't been able to sleep on my sides, either, which means that I can't even lie down in my bed to sleep anymore. I have to sleep sitting up now, and that's not as easy as it sounds. It's not comfortable and it's certainly not very restful and refreshing. On a good night, I get perhaps 3 hours of real sleep. After that, it's more or less restless catnaps until I get out of bed in the morning, and those naps continue throughout most of the next day.
I still try to get out and go for a walk every day. Such as it is, it's about the only exercise I get and it at least keeps me moving. But it doesn't help my writing.
So, there you have it. I'm not offering excuses for my inconsistent updates. . . only reasons. My biggest regret is that I feel I've let you all down. I haven't abandoned my stories. I would never do that to you. That would be like JK Rowling getting bored and stopping to write halfway through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and leaving her fans dangling forever. The stories are still in my head. The difficulty is trying to get them into the computer.
Because of this, I've come to a few decisions. . . my 'announcement' if you will. One story that I'm writing, Best Buddies Play Hard Redux, already has a foreseeable ending. When I began posting it, I assured you that it wouldn't be an ongoing story, and I haven't changed my mind about that. It will come to an end, and I will definitely be post what I expect to be the final chapter as soon as I can. I may also wrap up Taking Care of Jason as well, although I haven't come to a firm decision on that one yet. The difficulty with 'Jason' is that it's not easy writing exciting porn when one is preoccupied with physical discomfort.
I will continue with Watching Brad, though, but I'm asking you not to hold me to a deadline anymore. Even one chapter a week is getting to be too much for me to handle and I don't write well when I feel pressured to write and there is a deadline facing me.
All in all, it sucks to be me. Believe me. You wouldn't want my life. But I keep on keeping on. It's about all I can do, eh? Unfortunately, you, my fans, seem to be the ones suffering the most, and that saddens me more than anything.
Thanks for reading this, and thank you for all your continued support and understanding over the past few years. It's been quite a ride.
Take care, always, my friends.
Neil
)You are likely aware of my back problems, but I have been less than forthcoming in my truthfulness concerning the severity of them and I thought it best to 'come clean' now. Why not earlier? Well, because I know some people (including a few relatives) who actively seek out sympathy and bathe in it by constantly moaning and groaning about every little ache and pain. That's not me. I hate weighing other people down with my problems. They have enough of their own to worry about, so I usually just keep my mouth shut and pretend that everything is okay.
My bad back is nothing new. I was born with it, passed down from my Grandfather to my father and then to me. I have 2 older brothers who suffer the same condition, but nothing to my extent. Mine came to light during my late teens but theirs came about much later in life. Mine became serious enough to put me on a disability pension in 1987 when my back finally gave out.
It's an inherited, degenerative condition. Nothing can be done to stop it and nothing can fix it. If the condition even has a name, I don't know what it is. It's just happening.
What it means, though, is that my spine had degenerated to the point that, in 1987, the muscles were no longer able to support it properly and it all went akimbo. . . literally. In effect, my spine is twisted in 3 different directions at the same time - 1 way laterally and 2 ways vertically:
Looking at me from the top, my shoulders and pelvis don't line up (lateral twist). Whereas they should be parallel, they more resemble a squashed 'X'. From bottom to top, my spine has twisted to the left.
From the side, my lower spine has lost that familiar 'S' curve, meaning that, from the shoulders down, it is virtually straight. I require constant support for it when sitting.
Finally, my left leg is shorter than my right leg and, if I were to stand flat-footed, you would see that my pelvis tilts noticably when viewed from behind. This is the main cause of the undue pressure on my hips and the resulting pain when I walk. That's why walking is so difficult for me, and getting more difficult all the time.
Add age and arthritis to the mixing bowl and you end up with a batter which makes a pretty rotten cake when you take it out of the oven.
Anyway, all that was something I was able to deal with for many years. In fact, when I began writing stories for this forum, it wasn't unusual for me to sit at the computer and write for up to 15 hours a day. I had no problem writing 3 stories at the same time and keeping them regularly updated. You've probably noticed that that has changed slightly. Where once my computer time could be measured in hours, it is now usually measured in minutes. I simply can't sit at the computer and write as much as I used to. Whether all those hours hunched over the keyboard had anything to do with it, I'll probably never know.
Lately, though, I've been thrown another curve ball which I hadn't anticipated. When my back went out in the late 80s, I wasn't able to sleep on my back or my stomach. Doing so would literally paralyse me and I would need help getting up. I could sleep only on my sides. Since July, however, I haven't been able to sleep on my sides, either, which means that I can't even lie down in my bed to sleep anymore. I have to sleep sitting up now, and that's not as easy as it sounds. It's not comfortable and it's certainly not very restful and refreshing. On a good night, I get perhaps 3 hours of real sleep. After that, it's more or less restless catnaps until I get out of bed in the morning, and those naps continue throughout most of the next day.
I still try to get out and go for a walk every day. Such as it is, it's about the only exercise I get and it at least keeps me moving. But it doesn't help my writing.
So, there you have it. I'm not offering excuses for my inconsistent updates. . . only reasons. My biggest regret is that I feel I've let you all down. I haven't abandoned my stories. I would never do that to you. That would be like JK Rowling getting bored and stopping to write halfway through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and leaving her fans dangling forever. The stories are still in my head. The difficulty is trying to get them into the computer.
Because of this, I've come to a few decisions. . . my 'announcement' if you will. One story that I'm writing, Best Buddies Play Hard Redux, already has a foreseeable ending. When I began posting it, I assured you that it wouldn't be an ongoing story, and I haven't changed my mind about that. It will come to an end, and I will definitely be post what I expect to be the final chapter as soon as I can. I may also wrap up Taking Care of Jason as well, although I haven't come to a firm decision on that one yet. The difficulty with 'Jason' is that it's not easy writing exciting porn when one is preoccupied with physical discomfort.
I will continue with Watching Brad, though, but I'm asking you not to hold me to a deadline anymore. Even one chapter a week is getting to be too much for me to handle and I don't write well when I feel pressured to write and there is a deadline facing me.
All in all, it sucks to be me. Believe me. You wouldn't want my life. But I keep on keeping on. It's about all I can do, eh? Unfortunately, you, my fans, seem to be the ones suffering the most, and that saddens me more than anything.
Thanks for reading this, and thank you for all your continued support and understanding over the past few years. It's been quite a ride.
Take care, always, my friends.
Neil
) and especially the sleeping difficulties it's creating for you .... that really sucks!
