TaigaStar
More! Deeper!
Someone asked me a question in a thread regarding myself, my girlfriend, and my porn. It triggered a reaction in me emotionally as I thought about the proper way to word my response. In retrospect, my answer was good, but lame at the same time. It got me thinking, "Maybe I should explain the relationship I have with my girlfriend." In the past year, I've gotten more than a few PMs (and even a few snyde thread comments, not that I'm trying to stir up a hornet's nest) regarding my orientation; I've also gotten a few replies to my first blog entry, entitled, "About Me, for the curious..." After all this time, I still guard my personal life from JUB, but maybe it's time for a little illumination.
I've been with my girlfriend for the past seven years. It's mildly amusing that we met through a mutual friend who had no intention of hooking us up; we met in a school club during college. She and I became really good friends and eventually crossed over the line into being a couple without actually realizing it.
I try to think of our meeting as a gift from one of my late aunts. She had passed away Jan. 1, 2000; I remember having a dream about her where we spoke for a full day of linear time. A few days after, I had a dream of being with a girl I'd never met in a bookstore I'd never seen before, laughing hysterically as we hit each other with manga. A little more than a month after, we were introduced. While we had been a couple for only a few weeks, we went into this particular bookstore she'd taken me to a few times before and we had a little manga fight, laughing hysterically as we did so. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks- this girl and this bookstore she introduced me to were the same from the dream I'd had in January (mind you, it was April). She was literally the girl of my dreams!
Since that first fateful meeting (and the fateful manga battle after), she has been there as my best friend and my girlfriend; she was my comfort and strength when I watched each of my parents die slowly; she was my reason when I was upset; she was the test audience when I had ideas for my stories; she was the only one who would listen to everything I'd say and love me just the same after I confessed everything. And when I told her about my porn habits, she smiled, hugged me, and said, "it's a bit weird, and I wish you didn't wait this many years to tell me, but I still love you." And I still love her. I'd call her the Guinevere to my Arthur, but we all remember how that story ended; she is the one my entire being calls out for when she isn't around, and the one who makes the entire world vanish when we're together. I know it sounds sappy and such, but this is the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
I know some people still have opinions about me that I probably can never change; it's fine. I put the truth out here so that people know just how committed I am to the woman I love. Just because someone looks at porn, it doesn't mean they'll go looking for another person to be with. (And for the record, I tell her everything I say and do here on JUB as well; I do not keep secrets from her.)
I've been with my girlfriend for the past seven years. It's mildly amusing that we met through a mutual friend who had no intention of hooking us up; we met in a school club during college. She and I became really good friends and eventually crossed over the line into being a couple without actually realizing it.
I try to think of our meeting as a gift from one of my late aunts. She had passed away Jan. 1, 2000; I remember having a dream about her where we spoke for a full day of linear time. A few days after, I had a dream of being with a girl I'd never met in a bookstore I'd never seen before, laughing hysterically as we hit each other with manga. A little more than a month after, we were introduced. While we had been a couple for only a few weeks, we went into this particular bookstore she'd taken me to a few times before and we had a little manga fight, laughing hysterically as we did so. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks- this girl and this bookstore she introduced me to were the same from the dream I'd had in January (mind you, it was April). She was literally the girl of my dreams!
Since that first fateful meeting (and the fateful manga battle after), she has been there as my best friend and my girlfriend; she was my comfort and strength when I watched each of my parents die slowly; she was my reason when I was upset; she was the test audience when I had ideas for my stories; she was the only one who would listen to everything I'd say and love me just the same after I confessed everything. And when I told her about my porn habits, she smiled, hugged me, and said, "it's a bit weird, and I wish you didn't wait this many years to tell me, but I still love you." And I still love her. I'd call her the Guinevere to my Arthur, but we all remember how that story ended; she is the one my entire being calls out for when she isn't around, and the one who makes the entire world vanish when we're together. I know it sounds sappy and such, but this is the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
I know some people still have opinions about me that I probably can never change; it's fine. I put the truth out here so that people know just how committed I am to the woman I love. Just because someone looks at porn, it doesn't mean they'll go looking for another person to be with. (And for the record, I tell her everything I say and do here on JUB as well; I do not keep secrets from her.)