Anal Sex & Messy Situations

[breathe]

Hey guys,

So I, like many gay men (and straight folk too for that matter) am a big fan of anal sex. After a good 5 years or so of being sexually active, I still love it, and have bottomed, including for boyfriends who were pretty well endowed, like a champ. Lately, I've also been really big into topping... feels amazing to me.

Now-- here's the thing. Recently I topped a guy and with the lights out, we didn't realize, it got quite messy. He had a bit of an accident without any idea (he hasn't bottomed much albeit) and so I hopped in the shower, was graceful about it, and he did the same once I told him that maybe we should stop and clean up-- he got the idea quickly. He felt really guilty and embarrassed of course but I told him that I can be mature about it and didn't want him to feel weird about it.

But now, knowing that I will be bottoming again, I have a few questions, the last being the most important to me now that I've experienced this, as I've never myself had an accident when bottoming.

I know these are personal, candid questions, but at least help me out as much as possible:

1) Have you ever experienced "an accident" as a top or bottom?
2) How did you feel about it?
3) As a bottom, does experience prevent this from happening? ... Is there a warning sign or a "feeling something is wrong" or could it just happen without any physical sensation that you've had an accident during the throes of passion? ... I guess I'm just nervous that this could happen to me, and hoping that experience or a 'warning sensation' could prevent me from getting to that point where it happens.

As you can tell, for the first time I'm a little distressed about this and the possibility of it happening to me when I bottom. Regardless, I'm curious to hear people's answers and the ensuing discussion.

Thanks!

 

[breathe]

Even though I was the top, I feel grossed out and dirty and ashamed after this, and I honestly feel like I'm never going to be able to have sex again

I also wonder though if it was because he douched. I guess if he didn't void the contents of his bowel entirely that could explain why he'd lose control without noticing during sex?

I just feel awkward about this whole thing and I'm put off topping, and TERRIFIED to ever bottom again.

Help!

 

[rocabar]

 

[Dodger712]

I've a feeling that the enema did not really play a part so much as he probably did it quickly (wanting to get back to HOT you) and did not give himself enough time to totally expell the water. I've not had an accident like this during sex but once did "void" in my shorts after not taking time enough to be sure I had expelled everything after the enema. For me one "load" of water doesn't clean things out as well as if I do it multiple times. Don't freak out. Just urge your partner to take their time if they are bottoming and if it is you bottoming then tell the partner that you may be a minute as you want to be good and clean for him so yall can focus on SEX and not if the wet spot is lube or something more "evil" and nefarious. Sex should be relaxing and enjoyable, not stressful. Any man worth going to bed with is going to be happy to wait on you or be sure they are clean and free from worry. Just MY opinion and how I feel.

 

[breathe]

Shit happens. Get over it.

Not entirely a helpful response. And note that I did "get over it" as much as possible and took EVERY effort to make sure he didn't feel awkward or embarrassed.

It was, however, not just a little dirtiness upon pulling out. It was all over the bed and at the base of my dick/ pubes area. A lot of it.

Anyways, to those who gave more thoughtful responses about learning to decide when one can safely bottom and doesn't feel too "full down there", thank you. I appreciate the help.

I guess I just have to trust that given how much bottoming I've done in the past, when I do that with future partners I will be able to use my experience to continue being a good judge of if I am able to bottom on any given night or when I should just spring for a BJ or something else instead.

 

[AlmondMilk]

It's happened to me before with my ex. Luckily, it was only once. The unfortunate thing was that his parents were downstairs and I couldn't go to the bathroom without it feeling awkward (since the bathroom was downstairs in front of the tv where his parents were). Anywho, I didn't do any preparation, and the mess just happened.

If you're planning on bottoming, I suppose the best advice would be to use the bathroom and not eat a few hours before sex. :/

 

[KaraBulut]

Shit happens. Get over it.

Not entirely a helpful response. And note that I did "get over it" as much as possible and took EVERY effort to make sure he didn't feel awkward or embarrassed.

The reality is that sex is a messy business. We love having sex but it's probably because we remember how good it feels and forget about how messy, smelly and gross it can be at times.

The quote above points out something. There's different ways that you can deal with these situations. You can have a sense of humor about it- about queef, about santorum and the strange noises that happen with you're putting your dick into someone's hole.

Or you can be polite (like you were) and not make the other person feel bad about the situation.

I guess I just have to trust that given how much bottoming I've done in the past, when I do that with future partners I will be able to use my experience to continue being a good judge of if I am able to bottom on any given night or when I should just spring for a BJ or something else instead.

There's things that you can do to avoid accidents. Most- like planning ahead, avoiding big meals, showering and checking down there beforehand, not using enemas unless you have to and just saying, "Not tonite" if you don't feel sure about it.

But honestly- stuff like this happens. And you just deal with it and move on. It's easier when sex means something more than fucking. And it's easier if you focus on why you were having sex and less upon the weird faces people make, unfortunate noises, nasty smells, strange tastes and messy situations that can and do happen.

 

[palemale]

I also wonder though if it was because he douched. I guess if he didn't void the contents of his bowel entirely that could explain why he'd lose control without noticing during sex?

(

The same thing happened to me the third or fourth time I bottomed. It was my first time with the guy, too. He is extremely well-endowed. He was cool about it, and we remained friends. He's my longest term fuckbuddy in fact. I've stopped douching, however, before bottoming.

 

[teadrinker]

The reality is that sex is a messy business. We love having sex but it's probably because we remember how good it feels and forget about how messy, smelly and gross it can be at times.

That's exactly what I was going to say! Advice I've read mentions eating a high-fibre diet, and timing your bottoming so it's at a time when your bowel is already empty. If not, you can always put off the bottoming.

-T.

 

[oioiii]

Love, love, LOVE this!

 

[mbamike]

I always bottom and love it. I have been bottoming for about three years and have never had an accident. I always douche and shower before hooking up with a guy.

 

[mikey3000]

Thanks for all the honesty here guys. I've been seeing my guy for almost three years and, though we've never had anal, both of us are curious to try it. Now I know what might happen and how to handle it. Thanks.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Douche/no douche has been debated alot along many threads....The secret to douching it to do it just enough to make sure your rectum is clear and go for it OR douche til clear; wait an hour or so, and repeat. That is do what you can and go for it, or take you're time and really get squeaky clean. You can get fucked by one or more for quite awhile without worrying. A good check is to put your anal probe in and work it....it should cum out shiney clean.

 

[jknightuk]

I've been there... and although the other guy was embarrassed I am certain there's no need to be.

Fact is, it happens. Most of what I was goin to say has been covered already.. so I won't go over that again. All I will say is don't let the situation put you off... either of you. It's just one of those things

 

[Sam-I-Am]

A couple of years ago, I saw a butt plug style enema nozzle. It had a fairly large hole in the middle (exit) with a smaller tube that you could fit to an enema bag hose. The smaller one carried water in and the larger out - all simultaneously. The ad said it allowed you to fully clean your rectum. I have never seen it again.