Anal Sex - Not my thing

[Bartman]

Hi,

I just wanted some advice. I'm bisexual and I'm very attracted men, but I don't particularly want anal sex. Also, I suffer from colitis (like crones) so it would be a big no no anyway, unless I wanted to aggrivate something.

What I want to know, are there gay guys out there, like me, who would be happy to have a relationship without anal sex? I'm okay with oral and other experimentations. I just think it would be impossible to find the right guy who would be cool with this. What are your thoughts?

Bartman

 

[luminum]

Anal sex isn't for everyone, and there are gay guys (and bi guys) out there who feel just as you do. There are some frottage moivements, where the guys feel that anal sex is demeaning or 'feminizing' to the guy on the bottom, so instead they just do frottage (rubbing their dicks together). Some are also opposed to oral sex, but that's not important to what you're asking.

So no, you're not alone. I think you'd just have to make that clear what your preferences are when you and a potential partner start talking about sex.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, Bart. First off, I'd suggest changing your sign-in name. After all, the hit song of 1990 implored everybody, "Hey, everybody, if you can, do the Bartman". So choosing a name like "Bartman" sort of implies you'd like to be "done", and presumably by everybody.

Seriously, though, being gay doesn't equate to "taking it up the ass". I don't have chapter and verse here, but one of the largest surveys I've ever seen claimed roughly 50% of gay men "rarely" or "never" engage in anal sex. Also, many gay men are predominately or exclusively "bottoms" - they enjoy receiving anal sex but aren't really interested in giving it. Between those two factors, I'd say your odds of finding a man you can sleep with (one way or another) are still quite good. Just be up front about things. Once you meet some guy, and talk turns to a sexual nature, explain that you are unable to be an "anal bottom", and would he have a problem with that? Most wouldn't.

Good luck.

Lex

 

[jdcnow]

Hi there, Bartman

Anal sex isn't for everyone, and there are gay guys (and bi guys) out there who feel just as you do.

(Raises right hand) ...And I'm one of them.

Finally, I know there's someone out there who feels the same way I do.
It just isn't for me.

 

[dwm103]

I feel for you.....I have Crohn's.......I want to bottom, but can't Most of the time. Sucks......and NOT in a good way

 

[keys]

Hey there. I was wondering if you would clarify just a little. Are you saying that you don't want to TOP or BOTTOM or just don't want to bottom? It was a little hard for me to tell from the way you phrased your post.

 

[Bartman]

Thanks guys, all your comments have been really helpful.

Sorry, Keys, what I meant was that I don't want to bottom. I wouldn't mind if my partner wanted me to take them analy, I just wouldn't want it in return.

Thanks, dwm103, it's a comfort to know there are people out there with the same problem. Same to you, jdcnow.

G-Lexington, you made me laugh so much, I never realised my username could be interpreted that way, thanks for the tip, lol.

luminum, your advice was really helpful, I feel much more relaxed about my problem, thanks.

I am very cool with oral and mutual masturbation.

 

[evil_danger]

Sex is such a small part of a relationship anyway, well it should be, its just an expression of love, anyone who wouldn't want you because you cant (and dont want to) take it anally arn't worth your time.

But really you arnt limiting yourself at all, your just a top.

As I said sex is just an expression of love, well inside a relationship, I know its also about the "ahh" factor too but inside a relationship is should be an expression of love.

It wouldn't bother me personally, there are far more interesting things to do besides anal sex, besides I like to lick things nuf said!

 

[SevenF1sher]

Nah, its normal really. People have their different likings, so if you don't like take it then don't.

And you aren't limiting yourself either..like others said basically, and what evil_danger said: "Sex is such a small part of a relationship anyway, well it should be, its just an expression of love, anyone who wouldn't want you because you cant (and dont want to) take it anally arn't worth your time.", is true.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

There are loads of guys out there, who would love to be in a relationship of some kind with a top dude, who wants no reciprocation.

There is no need to say, 'No Anal Sex', if you really mean that you don't feel like bottoming but would be glad to top.

True, you want to say that upfront and be truthful about your preferences.

SC

 

[tonyboy]

I know the image of gay sex is always butt fucking... but it is not always true....
I've done it and had it done to me.... but never liked it. Didn't like doing it or having it done to me.
Yeah, I know gay guys are called butt fuckers, fudge packers, bum boys.... all those slurs I've heard many times.
But I can tell you this, if you don't want to do it nor have it done don't do it. Any guy that you care for or cares for you will understand if you don't want to do it.
Hell, there are many ways that guys can share intimancy. Cuddling, kissing, sucking, rimming.... and that is just the start.
Your condition will not be harmed by having a guy rim you.... and let me tell you, that is very sensuous....
Just be upfront.... and no need to state that fact on the first date.... When things lead to sex, just state what you are ready to do.
And if the guy isn't ready for what you say, then leave him. Simple as that.
There is no law about how gay guys have sex my friend. I know that most porn shows fucking.... and most people figure that gay guys must be bum buddies... not true.
Please don't fret about it... you will find some find partners that will accept you for what you feel like doing... I know, that is what happened to me.
And some day you will find a mate, a partner that will love you for your fine body, your loving nature, and your willingness to love him back. That is what love is about friend, not anal sex.
I wish you the best.....
a friend...

 

[Bartman]

Thanks for all your support guys, I feel so much better about my situation. I don't feel there's any pressure anymore. I won't worry about it, I'll just wait for the right guy to come along. I think a relationship goes deeper than that - I shouldn't really use the word deeper to support my argument. You know what I mean.

You guys rule!

 

[Danugh]

This thread really bothered me because, forgive me but i dont know what is the point of it.


If you did not like topping or bottoming then i could understand but after reading

Sorry, Keys, what I meant was that I don't want to bottom. I wouldn't mind if my partner wanted me to take them analy, I just wouldn't want it in return.

then it simply means that you are a top.

Some guys are tops, bottoms, verse. You are simply a top. The OP made it seem like you dont engage in any form of anal period.

 

[RicanDAB]

Just because one is a gay man does not mean he has to engage in anal sex. It's a personal preference. I've read of many guys on here who don't engage in anal sex at all, and it does not make them any less sexual than those of us who do - IMHO.

 

[spreadeagle]

I think it was Masters and Johnson's survey that revealed that anal intercourse is NOT the preferred or most widely practised mode of sexual interaction among gay men; both fellatio and mutual masturbation are more popular for the majority of gay men.

Homosexual anal intercourse is widely practised by men who do not identify as gay when they are having sex with another man.

The litmus test for gayness is how much you enjoy kissing, intimacy and general canoodling with another guy as opposed to whose dick goes where.

 

[M4P]

I think its all about finding the right partner and doing something that is mutually enjoyable

If it feels good - do it

Whatever floats your boat

 

[Jasonn]

Plenty of gay guys aren't into anal sex.

Also, my boyfriend has Crohn's (as you said, similar to Colitis), and we still manage it very well.