Anal sex question

[biguy562]

Hello everyone,

I have a question. When I was dating my first boyfriend (also first sexual experience) I had a lot of trouble staying hard when I was topping him. I am right at average sizewise and he was really big into "giants" he had dildos bigger than anything I've ever seen. When I was topping him however I could hardly feel that I was in him. Do yall think that because he was already so stretched so to speak that was why I couldn't feel that I was in him? He is my ex now btw.

I am now dating another guy. I feel more connected to him than I did my ex. He is more into me as well. We have not had sex yet but I am worried that I am going to have the same problem with him.

Any advice would be extremely helpful!

Thanks!

 

[looseliam]

I would put it all out of your mind.

For me, everyone is different when it comes to sex. They could have the same asses but I will enjoy the one with whom I share an emotional connection.

Spend more time with the new guy; get to know him. Sex is more than just the physical act.

 

[-Zane-]

I would put it all out of your mind.

For me, everyone is different when it comes to sex. They could have the same asses but I will enjoy the one with whom I share an emotional connection.

Spend more time with the new guy; get to know him. Sex is more than just the physical act.

This for sure. Hope it helps Bro.

 

[KaraBulut]

I am now dating another guy. I feel more connected to him than I did my ex. He is more into me as well. We have not had sex yet but I am worried that I am going to have the same problem with him.

You won't know for sure until you have sex with him.

In these situations, it's difficult to know what is at the root of the difficulty. I probably wasn't your ex-boyfriend's loose ass that caused you to have some performance issues. Usually, the problem is either the position you were fucking him in or some sort of psychological issue (e.g. anxiety) that causes guys to go soft when topping.

The fact that you feel more emotionally connected to your new boyfriend and that you seem to feel he's more into you sets the stage for a better experience this time around.

So... give it a go when the time is right.

 

[Atzesp]

Usually, the problem is either the position you were fucking him in or some sort of psychological issue (e.g. anxiety) that causes guys to go soft when topping.

That's right. When I first read the thread, biguy562, what came to my mind was just that possibility: with your ex-bf, you used to be so anxious and worried about topping him that you weren't able to manage the whole thing. Of course, his huge dildos must also have had some impact on you (maybe you kept thinking that you wouldn't be able to satisfy him).

So the first thing you must do is try not to demand so much of yourself.
Just let things go.

 

[biguy562]

Thank you all for the advice! I really appreciate it!!

I have a couple more questions. Do yall think Jacking off has a negative effect on your sexual performance? This past Friday, I actually jacked off 2 times (something I rarely do) then the next day my boyfriend and I were messing around, kissing, oral, and jacking each other off. I was doing well and I felt it building up and then all of a sudden I went soft! We have jacked each other off several times before and I have had no problem at all.

Another thing, about my ex, he cheated on me and left me for another guy. He didn't say this but he hinted to that I couldn't "keep up" with him. I think that still is having a negative effect me. However like I said with my current boyfriend we seem to have a lot more connection and also more of an emotional connection and he is not into dildos like my ex nor big on size.

We have been together one month yesterday and have not had sex yet, we are waiting until the time is right.

I am still worried about staying hard while topping :/

By the way, does the type of underwear you wear have any affect on sexual activity? (boxers vs Briefs)

 

[Atzesp]

About jacking off: the only "negative" effect it has on my sexual performance is that I usually have less cum after doing that. But as far as sex is concerned, no, nothing changes.

And yes, I guess you have a point - the whole thing about your ex is still having effects on you. You're too worried about how it went and how it should have been gone. You're with a new guy, now - forget about dildos and stuff. Get to learn from your new partner what pleases him, and teach him what pleases you.

From what you told us, I dare to say that it's all psychological. You are very much worried about your future performances... and more than that, your ex proposal of "keeping up with him" has caught you. It seems that you did thought about that. Am I wrong? Just forget about him and - again - don't put that much pressure on you. Sex is supposed to be light, relaxing, fun. Once you put this much pressure on the whole thing, it becomes an obligation. And then you think about all the stuff you used to do with your ex, but you didn't like. And then you get soft.

Oh, yes: about underwear, I've always used briefs. No side effects at all.

 

[KaraBulut]

I have a couple more questions. Do yall think Jacking off has a negative effect on your sexual performance? This past Friday, I actually jacked off 2 times (something I rarely do) then the next day my boyfriend and I were messing around, kissing, oral, and jacking each other off. I was doing well and I felt it building up and then all of a sudden I went soft! We have jacked each other off several times before and I have had no problem at all.

Jacking off IS sexual performance.

It's like this: If you go to the gym and workout by yourself, it's exercise. If you go play tennis with someone, it's exercise. But if you want to play tennis, you probably shouldn't go do a workout at the gym immediately before tennis. Exercise is good for the human body, but your body does need rest between workouts.

The same is true of jacking off and sex with another person. If you want to be horny and ready to go with your boyfriend, then you do need a period of rest between ejaculations.

By the way, does the type of underwear you wear have any affect on sexual activity? (boxers vs Briefs)

Only if you have an underwear fetish and you're turned on by underwear.

Tight underwear can effect sperm counts but you won't be making babies with your boyfriend, so this isn't much of a concern in this context.

 

[biguy562]

Az, yes I have thought about that before when me and my current boyfriend are messing around. Even though we haven't had actual sex yet, he can make cum just by stroking me, something I did not think anyone can do lol.

Kara, I agree. I find myself doing better without j/o the day before.

and for some reason, when I wear briefs, I have more hard ons than when I wear boxers. lol

I worry too much I think.

 

[mbamike]

I have been fucked by guys with small cocks and by guys with large cocks. They all cummed while fucking me. Yes, they wore condoms.

It is my understanding and experience the sphincter will stretch to accommodated the size of the cock being inserted.

 

[EwanSF]

Anxiety is the ideal haerdon killer man. In the past I'd imagine, you losing it was more to do with your ex's bucket of a hole than anything else, but seriously, put it out of mind. If you worry about preformance anxiety, it will manifest itself, esspecialy if you are predisposed to mental or emotional instability.

When I first started going out with my boyfriend, I couldn't top him due to certain medical issues that would make him being bottom extremely painful, so I kinda bit the bullet, despite being a top, and really got to enjoy it. By the time we got his troubles cleared up, about 6, 7 months later, my dick was that sensetive that I could barely hold my load when I first put it in, which lead to anxiety about it, which lead to Mr Floppy. See where I'm going with this?

I'm fine now, giving up booze is good like that. But my point is, if you like this guy and you're comfortable with him, then the sex should be great, just don't worry about it and relax.