Anal Sex...

[shyguyy9]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating 2 months. And have so far survived part of it in a long distance relationship. We've been sexual, but never anal. I'm a virgin in the respect that i've never penetrated or been penetrated by anyone.

We have both agreed to getting tested before the next time we see eachother.
While i know the importance of condom use, i want my first time to be...100% natural.


Thoughts? Concerns? Plz keep it constructve.

 

[kwireboi726]

If you're both tested... I don't see why not. My boyfriend and I have been together for just a little over a year... and we have never used condoms. The very natural feeling is great. - Sometimes, we don't even use lube.. we just take our time with the penetration so we don't hurt one another.

 

[oz_doc]

I agree about the testing, however as the main point of it is to be able to take your relationship to a new level sexually can I suggest that it may be worth considering making a joint appointment with your doctor and get the testing done together. I think the more open to each other you make this process the more it will bring you together physically. Also it will give the physician you are seeing clear expectations of why you are asking for the examinations and tests, so he/she can give you the best advice testing and reassurance possible.

Id like to add that my experience with my partner of 3 years is almost identical to kwireboi's, except that on occasion we have used a condom because my partner is particularly sensitive when he is inside me and he knows if hes likely to be extra sensitive so on the odd occasion (usually if we havent seen each other for a little while he wears a condom purely to give him some extra stamina through desensitisation. Likewise through experience and great connection we oftenmake love gently without even needing lube. I wouldn't reccomend it though if your in the mood for some loud obnoxious sex (which we all know we need from time to time )

 

[oz_doc]

Ruffboi raises a very good point, however purely from a medical point of view the most important thing in terms of infection risk is not the length or future of your relationship but that it is strictly monogomous right now and for all the time that you decide to make love without protection together. If you are not 100% percent committed to a monogomous relationship with this man and he is not either then dont even entertain the idea one second further.

I guess we need to remember that all long term relationships were two months old at some point, it is the commitment, honesty and trust that is the critical aspects.

 

[oz_doc]

Tested?

Tested for what?

Will the clinic who tests you both swab your throats and do PCR testing for gonorrhoea & chlamydia?

My guess is they wont, and so you wont have been properly "tested".

Not sure what the practices are where you are but here if you go to a reputable health service and ask for a comprehensive STD screen they will take swabs and do Nucleic Acid Amplification Tests (NAAT) for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia.

Seems like your picking at a problem that hasnt happened yet, dont see how that could help. How about we encourage people who are clearly here to seek information about how to be safe and provide them with the information they seek.

 

[oz_doc]

What I meant of course is ONE of the things they would do is NAAT for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. I dint mean to imply that a comprehensive STD screen involved only testing for these two agents.

 

[drhladnjak]

Can you expand on why having it "natural" the first time is so important to you?

Personally, I think it's best to get in the habit of always using a condom. Even if you and this guy are both monogamous and HIV-, you're more likely to bareback with future partners (who may not be as trustworthy) if you've done it in the past. Many casualties of HIV/AIDS were guys who had barebacked for years and refused to use condoms because they already had their routine and expectations for sex, which did not include condoms.

Remember, this is your life you're entrusting to this guy! Erroring on the side of caution (continuing to use protection) for a bit more than 2 months is probably not a bad idea.

 

[shyguyy9]

Well food for thought of course guys. And i thank you very much for all of your constructive comments.
Maybe I'm starry eyed with the guy that i wanna lose my virginity with, but like i said, you guys have really given me a lot to think about. And bet i will.

While i may be ready to lose my virginity, i doubt im ready to COMPLETLY trust an individual in such a way.
Let me finish off by saying, that im not an impulsive person when it comes to stuff like this, (ie the reason im still a virgin) I do realize that this is my LIFE in my hands. Thank you guys.

 

[3nipples]

My first thought when you say you want to be "100% natural" for the first time, is that you're artificially dramatizing the event. Natural to me is about attitude and not condom use.

But then, I don't see the big deal about going bareback. Having done both, I honestly don't feel a significant difference between topping with or without a condom and prefer doing it with. I don't have experience of bottoming without.

Trust in a relationship is something you have to build. It's about learning that you can trust him and not just wanting it to be that way because that's how you think a loving relationship should work.

If your guy were to tell you someday in the future that he had strayed with another guy, would the relationship be over for you? If he believes that, then is he likely to tell you or is he more likely to rationalize that it was only a one time thing and it's better to say nothing and hope you never find out?

 

[oz_doc]

I wasnt assuming anything, i was adivising them to go to a reputable health service, and I was advising them to go together and explain exactly why they are there so that they can be tested for a much more comprehensive range of conditions as well as be advised of the risks so as to be fully informed about their decision.

Cant speak for the OP but ur response did not seem thought provoking to me, rather it seemed to say "you'll do it all wrong anyway, so whats the point?"

My suggestion and feel free to add anyhting to this list as its early in the morning before ward rounds here:


A blood test for:
- VDRL (syphilis)
- TPHA (syphilis)
- HIV 1&2
- Hepatitis B surface antigen
A urine sample for Chlamydia
NAAT for gonnorhea and Chlamydia
A urethral swab for mycoplasma & ureaplasma
Examination for crabs and any other indicatoin of genital or perianal lesions.

The other thing to consider is getting retested at 6 months due to the lag period between initial infection and detection on some of these tests. Talk to the testing doctor about your sexual history to decide what the safest option for you and your partner.

Because you are assuming they are going to go to a reputable service.

Because you are assuming they aren't going to say "I just want an HIV test" and fail to understand they should be checked for other things.

I'd rather make them think than just assume, because no-one in this thread has said what they need to be tested for and how.

 

[oz_doc]

Adidas you really do seem to be picking at problems that just arent there. i DID advise them to go to a doctor they are comfortable with and is reputable, and i DID advise them to go together. If they go to a quality medical service provider as a couple asking for testing and advice to allow safe condomless sex then they will recieve adivce and testing for a lot more than HIV. They has come here seeking adivce about how and what to get tested and your post quite clearly assumes that they will not get tested properly, they need information not rhetoric.

 

[jockboy01]

woah gentlemen... getting off topic here.

There is some excellent advice and great points in this thread to consider. The first is about trust and how important this guy is to you. I'd agree that 2 months is still pretty short term. But that's for you to decide.

On the medical front, the tests listed are good ones to bring up. And I agree that many health care professionals are not that versed on the care of the gay patient (or on sexual health in general). So bringing up the tests talked about and having him do the same would be important.

The rest... well, oz_doc and adidasluvr, I like you both and overall, you agree on the health aspect and the disagreements are on small details. I've deleted a couple of your posts that don't add anything. I thought about editing out other parts but decided that you're grown and can let sleeping dogs lie here. Thanks.

 

[shyguyy9]

hey guys, again thanks for all the excellent advice. I'll be sure to take it into account when i decide to finally have anal sex. Actually. Me and my boyfriend broke up this weekend. He cited distance, and other issues, but basically told me that he thought he could do better (*LAUGH)

Actually i expect he cheated on me the night before he called and broke up. We run in the same circles, and i'm sure he knew i would find out eventually. I dont put up with cheating.

But thanks to incisting on getting tested I found out im CLEAN as a whistle.

 

[sme22186]

I appriciate all the advice as well, I too am looking forward to loosing my v card.......anyone in Gainesville?!