Ancient Greek Lifestyle?

[pausanias_usa]

Sex in ancient Greece was not as "homogenous," so to speak, heehee, as most people seem to believe.

Athens had different ways than Sparta or Thebes. Your ability to vote in Athens depended on you never having been on the receptive end of anal sex. Thebes encouraged soldiers to pair off, but not Sparta (although men were barracked together and snuck off to have hetero sex).

Most cases involved frottage between men in their 20s and boys (pubescent boys who were "hairless" on the face). Anything outside that mold was seen as suspicious or unmanly behavior.

 

[jdcliy]

Actually in Ancient Greece, it was illegal to have man-on-man sex, but a-ok to have man-on-boy sex. Go pedophilia! (I'm joking.)

 

[slobone]

Pausanias has the right idea, ancient Greece was anything but one big freewheeling orgy. There were definite rules about who you could have sex with and what you could do with them.

But leaving that aside, I don't see why you should put any restrictions on what's possible. There are women out there who don't mind being married to a gay man as long as he's discreet and doesn't bring any diseases home. Just make sure you're honest with her up front.

 

[slobone]

Really? Why would a woman want that unless she was a lesbian? Is it for monetary reasons, not wanting to settle down, or ?

Some women are just not that into sex. They want to marry for the security and the companionship. There's a long history of gay men marrying straight women, and by no means are all of those marriages phoney-baloney. Many of them have been very friendly relationships. And depending on the arrangement, the man can be free to pursue his sex life, as long as he doesn't publicly embarrass his wife.

In the old days, and even to a great extent today, a single woman is in a much more awkward position socially than a single man. There are places they don't feel comfortable going to by themselves, their friends don't invite them to dinner parties, etc. etc. There are certainly some women who would prefer to be in a sexless marriage rather than live alone the rest of their lives.

 

[drhladnjak]

Talking for myself, I know that there's something in women that I can emotionaly connect to, that complete me... And I'm not sure yet if I can find it in men (I'm still in the process of discovering who I am, where I fit...). It would be easy for me to imagine myself living and raising a family with a girl. But the problem is the sexual thing: I'm much more interested in sex with guys than with women...

I don't want to rush your self-discovery, but I do want to say it's very common for gay men coming to terms with their sexuality to feel this way.

We're programmed from birth to believe that men form emotional connections and fall in love with women and not with other men. Under the right circumstances, I suspect that most people of either gender can form emotional bonds with both men and women. It's really the sexual component which comes in to form something greater than the sum of the two parts.

In my case, I'd always been more sexually attracted to men but never felt much of an emotional connection to men or women until I was in my early 20s. That was the point where I really began to face my sexuality because in the end accepting I was gay meant I wanted to be with a guy more than just sexually. I suspect it would have happened earlier, but I resisted exploring that aspect of myself because I was convinced I'd just have to be unhappy, lonely and celibate for the rest of my life. It sounds silly now, but it was easy to believe at the time.

So continue to explore and see where it takes you!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You want to take your time and grow.

Since your sexual drive is apparently oriented mostly towards men, why wouldn't you start exploring your emotional relationships with other men, too?

I'd be the last man on this board to claim that you should not be having sex, unless some emotions are involved. But, I'd go anywhere and do whatever it takes to make sure that I can also experience both an emotional and a sexual bond with the same person, too.

Dividing your life between the subjects of your sexual desire on one hand and someone with whom you have an emotional and sociallz approved relationship is usually a plan perfect for an unhappy life.

SC

 

[confusedboy23]

Hmmm......... - I don't know what to add but I think I can somewhat relate your situation as I am still discovering myself.

Although I have 'slept around' with guys in the past, I have never thought I could be emotionally attached to them hence I have always denied myself as 'gay' (I do hate labels but I think they sometimes do help in painting a picture).

Things changed when I met "a" guy which became "the" guy in my life for a short time. From that time on, I have found myself happier when I started to accept that I could indeed end up living with a guy instead of a girl (which I seem to be attracted to as well). I could only wished that I have not lived in denial for so long.

So, maybe you need to be more open with yourself from now on and perhaps then you would understand yourself better.

I am not sure how it would work if you were to have a wife but sleep around with guys (if she allows it). Personally, I dislike the idea hence I have not committed myself to any girl and I would not want to do so until I am all that sure that they are meant for me.

 

[kurtwild]

as far as i know,in ancient greece there was a lot of homosexual action.


in athens a guy went to court when his boyfriend cheated on him with an other guy.

and in the celebration of "dionisia "they were getting drunk and having orgys.

in sparti the guys had to go to the army from a very young age and they were all the time together. they were living with their trainers who were also guys.so they had very close relationships.

in fact there are letters from anciant greece,which are loveletters from one guy to an other or other letters who speak clearly of homosexual love!

anciant greece is great,thats why philosophy,maths and so many things started ther!

 

[spreadeagle]

I don't see what your problem is. In every society where there has been a convention of heterosexual marriage people have bent the rules to suit themselves. In restrictive eras this has often meant that men have mistresses or boyfriends on the side or visit brothels in order to satisfy needs that cannot be met within the restrictive confines of a conventional marriage.

Many gay men have very close friendships wih women, lesbian or straight, and in most developed Western societies there are gay men who are active parents to children they have fathered (as sperm donors) with their female friends.

There are really no barriers nowadays to connecting emotionally with adults of any gender so long as you are open and honest about it, and you don't let your anxiety about what other people might think about you stand in your way.

 

[ImperaTodd]

Funny enough in Sparta men went to the army at around age seven, leaving women to run the daily life of the city. Many prominent women emerged in Spartan society. With the men gone women tended to engage in relationships with one another. As the men were barracked together they often coupled and had sex. In fact a man was forced to marry around age 16-20. The sexual relationship was so slow to develop that women were shaved, breasts taped down and in some cases a fake phallus attached. The couple was locked in a room every night until the sexual relation developed. Once the women was pregnant it all went back tot heir standard until he was discharged.


As for your feelings, I went through the same thing when i was 18. I had heard from older men that relationships with men didn't work and not having any real relationships at the time I was afraid and thought maybe i could find a nice girl who would understand. But i got over that realizing i wanted to be with a man and have a meaningful relationship in all ways. I met a guy and he is great! It will be OK. One of the men who told me it didn't work was a married teacher who tried to sleep with me. Life's funny like that.