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hotandwet

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Having trouble sleeping right now. My bf of over a year just broke up with me. It really caught me off guard but apparently it's been building up for him over the past few months. We recently moved in together which played a huge role in his loss of attraction/affection towards me. We talked a lot tonight and both concluded that we should part ways, him more so than I. It really sucks because I love him so much, but what can you do when that person suddenly stops loving you.

What sucks even more is that we share the same bed and yeah... after a breakup that can be very hard. I can't sleep, I'm dying inside. Love hurts.

Copping advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
:help:
 
Oh, you poor thing. :( (*8*)

First thing is get out of the same bed.

Then get out of the same apartment.

Then just live your life without him as much as possible. Keep busy. Go out with friends. Do hobbies.

Hopefully you've learned how to read the signs of an impending breakup.
Good luck.
 
Very few people can continue living together after a painful breakup. It would be better if you gave each other a break.

Well, since he's the one that wants to break up, he either needs to find temporary living arrangements or he needs to invest in a good air mattress.

As for the pain of breaking up... there's no magic formula. It just takes time and distance usually.

Are you on a lease and how soon can you part ways?
 
There's no point in staying with someone who fell out of love for you. We just have to accept things...

Well, it must be very painful but it's the only way in order for one to move on. I agree it takes time. Cry if you want to cry. But don't forget yourself. :)
 
KaraBulut said:
Very few people can continue living together after a painful breakup. It would be better if you gave each other a break.

Well, since he's the one that wants to break up, he either needs to find temporary living arrangements or he needs to invest in a good air mattress.

As for the pain of breaking up... there's no magic formula. It just takes time and distance usually.

Are you on a lease and how soon can you part ways?
Click to expand...

Our lease is for a whole year. We just signed it in July!? :confused: He says he's going to keep living here until the lease is up if I decide to move, which will most likely be the case.

Thanks for the support everyone! This is one of the toughest things I've had to go through.

:cry:
 
You just signed the lease in July? So where's the love he showed you then? If it disappeared after he signed the lease and shacked up with you it was just skin deep and this guy just proved to you he is not worthy of you, and certainly is not worth the pain you're going through just two months later. I say confront him and tell him he shouldn't have signed on the dotted line only to break up right afterwards; that's just irresponsible of him. You just don't do that to someone unless you have issues. I say find another arrangement immediately, make an appointment to talk with your landlord just yourself and find a way to let him deal with the landlord himself. I feel for you, but don't stay a victim.
 
I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm going to echo what's already been said about relationships ending after being taken to the next level. Who knows why? Intimacy issues? Fear of commitment? I'm going to assume you are both nice guys, but that's no reason he gets to call all the shots if you both signed the lease.

If you own things jointly make sure you get your half, even if it means giving away items you don't need or like. You are both breaking up and he also needs to face consequences.

Be careful that once your hurt and saddness turns to anger that you do nothing which could land you in trouble. Things need to be negotiated and some people see a couples counselor. There are issues of dating, etc. No one here wants to be hearing about you on national tv.

Time is only part of the healing process and by itself doesn't do much. You need a willing mind and spirit as well.

Revenge fucking only feels good for a couple of minutes. If you do it make sure you are safe and that the other guy isn't expecting more. Using someone will add to your woes.

Connect with your spiritual side whether that is nature (the way I do it) or church or meditation. You are being looked after by the laws of nature. Even if you are tossed around violently like a leaf in a storm you will still be gently set down.

We are all caught up in classifying our experiences as good and bad, but in the end no one is out to get us and I try to see whatever happens as just experience without a label. It's ok if you are thinking, "go to hell, Pollyanna." I imagine this is one of the worse things that has ever happened to you. I hope you are out so you can use a support system. I know I'd let you cry on my shoulder. I'd also help let you express anger so as not to get yourself in trouble.

My partner and I have been though a lot in 27 years and everything that can go right or wrong in a relationship has happened to us. I've been where you are and I am here for you. PM me anytime.

Everything I hear about San Diego tells me it's beautiful. Use the sun to feel the warmth of support. Take care.
 
I'm sorry hun'. I don't know what to say other than perhaps moving in so soon is not a good idea. Though you may have already realized that and I don't mean to rub it in. Everyone assumed my ex and I lived together just because we dated for 3 years. I just don't understand how people can leap right into a commitment like that. Gotta understand the gravity of this person potentially being around and in your business during all hours of all days. That's... a lot.

Can't believe you guys just signed a year long lease though. Talk to your landlord and see if there's anything you can do? That sucks. I could not live with my ex. Oy.

In related news, not that I've been with this guy even half a year but I get the idea he might be breaking up with me which seems quite out of the blue. I'm feelin' down too. :( Over something that I thought seemed so... miniscule. I'm a forgetful guy and now it's coming around to bite me in the ass. It's not like I mean to forget stuff! Ah. Grumble mumble.

I recommend if you really can't escape these bad feelings to try bikram yoga. It will exhaust you so much you'll have no choice but to meditate and clear your mind. It feels great.
 
hotandwet said:
Having trouble sleeping right now. My bf of over a year just broke up with me. It really caught me off guard but apparently it's been building up for him over the past few months. We recently moved in together which played a huge role in his loss of attraction/affection towards me. We talked a lot tonight and both concluded that we should part ways, him more so than I. It really sucks because I love him so much, but what can you do when that person suddenly stops loving you.

What sucks even more is that we share the same bed and yeah... after a breakup that can be very hard. I can't sleep, I'm dying inside. Love hurts.

Copping advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
:help:
Click to expand...

totally understand what you are feeling. My ex "housemate" just moved out and I am dying inside. I miss him like crazy and it has only been a week.
 
Ah, a fellow San Diegan. Well, you're only 23, lots of time to regroup and move on. It will be difficult living together for almost another year. As far as sleeping alone? Imagine sleeping with your guy for 33yrs, since you were teenagers, and one day, just like that, the pearly gates call for him. It's been over two years and I still roll over to spoon with him until I am fully awake and realize once again he's not there. It takes time. Since I live in your town, PM me if you need an ear.
 
Thank you all for the responses, your advice has helped me in so many ways. I'm truly great-full for this forum it's such a great outlet. The past week has really taken its toll on me, but I feel that I'm seeing the first signs of healing. What's helped a lot is talking to friends about how I'm feeling and drawing conclusions from their advice. I'm also talking to my ex-SO for answers. Listening to happy music helps me as well.

I think I'm really ready to turn the page in this chapter of my life and move on. Things were good and I have a ton of great memories to reflect on. I also have his friendship to look forward to. I learned some great lessons, and I have a clearer vision of what It is I want in a relationship. I will never settle for anything less. Life goes on and I look forward to living and loving.
 
^ A very healthy response and outlook towards a past relationship. Well done, hotandwet. You are on your way towards true happiness.
 
hotandwet - I want to congratulate you both on being so mature about this. Refreshing to see a couple talk about breaking up and do so as amicably as possible!

Breakups always suck. I still hurt from one that was 4 years ago. But life goes on, and keeping the right outlook helps a lot.
 
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