anger-issues

[KennyD]

You need a Specialist in Anger Management .... They are susposse to be especially trained to treat anger etc ... Actually; go talk to a Probation Officer at your local domestic court or at a domestic crisis center etc .. they will be better able to direct you to a GOOD Anger management Treatment Facilty ..

 

[69Strat]

It's normal for men to be aggressive and have moments of anger, but it also becomes unacceptable when you have no control over it, like the way you are acting out. Anger is connected to fear. Try some non-competitive activities like tai chi, relaxation therapy, and long walks in nature. Reconnecting with your heart and making peace with those who have wronged you is another avenue you might want to explore. You should also avoid recreational drug and alcohol use and continue seeing a therapist.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

Hiding anger isn't a good idea, either. My advice is that if one therapist didn't work, try another. The important thing is that you realize you have the problem.

I try dealing with my anger by asking myself, what can I learn from that experience? In other words, what is the universe trying to teach me about this experience.

There is always deep breathing. And walk away from what is making you angry.

If all else fails, there are drugs that will help.

P.S. We all get angry. Try not to beat yourself up, too much. But if you are destroying property and hurting yourself, get help.

I like what KennyD posted.

 

[teh_nathan]

I used to have anger issues in a relationship, used to be almost anything set me off..but I got older and wiser and learned a few things.

It's not easy..took me years to learn something that I should've learned at the time and it was at the expense of one (admittedly mutually self-destructive) relationship...

 

[69Strat]

ffwd:

The remark this person made was spot on. Somehow, the design projects always have to cause an insane amount of stress, I can deal with that better now, as I have gotten used to it. (the chair-throwing incident was 3 years ago).
There is nothing I hate more than falling short of that which is expected of me, even if it couldn't be helped.

It sounds like your anger is the result of personal frustration. I think you should find ways to learn to relax and release stress, which you probably already know. Exercising and non-competitive activities is where I would start. Try some meditation and breathing classes. It will teach you self-awareness and about the relaxation response.

 

[teh_nathan]

I don't talk about my past relationships on my website so you'll find nothing there relating to this. It's not a personal blog (if I mention anything personal there, it's to illustrate a point). I have two blogs, one personal, one not-so-personal - the personal one isn't public. I don't mind talking about my relationship history (to a point) because I really don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore (got a little thick-skinned since then due to several factors - I'm usually the one who gets hurt in relationships, except for that one which was mutually destructive).

"Getting older and wiser isn't going to help me" - no, I don't expect it will. That's what happened in my case. At the time, I wasn't fully aware of what was going on & of the damage I was causing so I couldn't fix the issue. I fixed it myself, I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, acquired some new friends around who I could talk things out with..wayyy after the damage was already caused.

 

[Kurn]

http://www.buddhanet.net/index.html

Dear Harke:

Here's another practical suggestion.
Buddhism is about practice, not about "believe x-y-z."
There is a Tibetan center in Rotterdam, I think. Maybe one in Den Haag.
I don't know about Zen but it's popular. And there are other traditions, other centers in Holland and the Netherlands; some of them will be more adapted to Dutch existenz than others.

The one thing to be aware of: There might be fellow-countrymen who might think you have a lot to learn and lay trips on you. That happens in the USA sometimes.
But you should expect to gain a lot of clear-thinking friends who have left most, or, probably, all, of their anger-trips behind for good.

 

[Diodorus]

Harke,
You might try some St. John's Wort. It is an herbal supplement I have used myself . I found it to be effective. When I went on treatment for Hep C the Interferon ( it is a MOFO of a chemo drug)actually made me aggressive and irritable and my physician prescribed an anti depressant which helped immensely and returned me to my normal lovale self

 

[jizzeater]

I agree with what 69strat said about the link between anger and fear.

I've been through an anger management program, and I learned that anger is a defense against fear. You have to examine what fear is behind your angry reactions. If you honestly look at what you were feeling just before you had an angry outburst, you can figure out what you were afraid of.

In the big picture, it sounds like you put yourself under incredible pressure in school because you're afraid of failing:

"I feel like such a loser. I failed at just about everything important after leaving secondary school."

I would suggest books or audio programs that teach positive thinking, goal achievement, and dealing with anxiety.

 

[jizzeater]

"and I don't seem to be able to improve things."

That's an example of negative thinking, and it hurts your ability to improve your situation. You have to turn that around.

Everything begins in the mind.

 

[Pegasus69]

Harke - It sounds like you are thinking more of the immediate situation rather than long term. If you are going to one of the best universities then you know that it does take time. Also, starting your studies later than most there are increased stressors and frustrations. I think that rather than focusing on your situation as it is, think of what you are doing at this time and the sacrifices that you are making and the tremendous impact they are going to have on your future. Your life is ahead of you and don't try to rush things. Trust me on this, just be patient and try to take it a day at a time. In reality today is the only time that we have for there are no promises of tomorrow. It is okay to dream and have goals, but far too often we sacrifice the gift of today while looking ahead. I know that this sounds like a zen thing or some karmic thing but if you read my blog or see some of my much earlier posts I think it may put things in perspective as to where I am coming from and what events taught me this.

Good Luck!
Steve