Another horribly emo thread about best friends.

[bigj]

So here's the basic story. I've had this guy friend who's gay for about five years or so we've known each other. I had a pretty intense crush oh him for over a year our senior year of high school a year and a half ago. I told him I had a crush on him and we were fine and all. Then I went off to college in a different state for the past year, and hadnt seen him for nine months. I got back to our home state for an internship, and I leave again at the end of this month. Last week I went to see him for the first time in nine months and he was buzzed off of wine. I got to his dorm around midnight and hung out with some friends and drank a bit of wine. Around one we headed downstairs to his dorm room and he talked to some guys online and I just hung out checking out his room and shooting the shit. So we were just talking about everything under the sun since it had been a while since we had talked and I forgot how much I liked to chat with him. A few minutes later he says it's time for bed and so he puts on a dvd and we get in bed. He has two twin beds pushed together since his roomate is gone. So I get in bed next to him and we're watching tv and just talking about shit. And the conversation is awesome and I'm having a blast reconnecting with him. He's pretty buzzed, but I asked him if he was drunk and he said no. Then a bit later he turns over and says hes going to sleep and tells me to dream of him laying naked with his massive cock (a long running joke) and I tell him that I might just throw up a little. He gets a bit upset and I tell him I'm just joking. So I poke him in his shoulder just playingly and my hand lands in his when I pull back my head. Not wanting to be pushy I move my hand and poke him again, when he grabs my hand and tells me "lets hold hands" and I'm thinking aw he's so cute, but this guy likes to cuddle with everyone. So a minute later he says "i think we should spoon" so we get together back to front and lay there talking a bit and I just think its cute and just friends. All of a sudden he turns around and pulls me really close to him and wraps his legs around mine and says "this is better" then "i think we should make out. kiss me" and still just playing around with him i tell him to kiss me first, and this goes on for a minute or two until he climbs on top of me and says "i need to take my shirt off" and wraps the blanket around him and leans down and kisses me really intensly. So we make out for a bit all the while im thinking "i cant belieive im really doing this" Then he leans back up and im running my hand along his thigh, i didn't want to freak him out by going right for his cock and he gently pulls my head towards his boxers where his cock is rock hard and just straining to get out. i just gently rub it and pull it out and caress it and jack him for a few minutes until he rolls off onto the bed. so then i say i need some alcohol to take the edge off. so he then says "i think you should blow me" and down I go and blow him and bite him and am having a fucking grand time with him and then stick a finger in his ass and finger him and then two and he seems to be loving it and we talk a bit. So after a while he gets up and goes to the bathroom and then comes back and gets online. I didn't try to do anything because I have really low self-esteem and didnt want to fuck up and start blowing hiim if he decided he didnt want to anymore. so i slept horribly next to him all night and then we got up the next afternoon and just talked like normal and made plans to hang out again later. so now my confusion is this, first of all, he said that normally he just lays in bed while the guy blows him, and only if he REALLY cares about the guy will he get on top and do shit. Second we had this long discussion about how I want to just have fun in life, whereas he wants something real and has only blown and been blown by one other guy in his adult life. He said that the more you do it the less you are worth. So now I'm utterly confused and this whole paragraph makes no sense. We've been friends forever, and I don't want to loose it. I want to talk to him about it but don't know what to say. I dont want him to think that I'm crazy and want to fuck him forever. But I think he might be thinking that I regret it happening. And I think he regrets it happening. So we havent discussed it and I leave in two weeks. I asked if i could stay at his house tonight but one of his female friends is staying and its a two hour drive to his dorm. Everything he says makes me think that he thinks I regret it but I have my own issues and don't want to fuck him up with me. He's also had really cryptic facebook status's and I don't know if they are about what we did or about other guys. The morning after we fooled around he set his status as a smiley face and lately it's been confused or fucked up and I just don't know what the fuck to do. Sorry this makes no sense. I'm fucking delirious.

 

[G-Lexington]

So you've tried finding out how he feels about it by reading in between the lines of his statements, by his facebook smilie, and by asking us. Here's a better way: TALK TO HIM. Straight up. Get some privacy (in your room), call him, and talk to him. Tell him you enjoyed messing around with him, but you don't want him to be weirded out by it if that wasn't something he wanted to pursue. Because it's just as important that HE knows how YOU feel, don't you think?

Do it.

Lex

 

[bigj]

It just feels completely innapropriate to call him and have that discussion. In addition to the fact that I have no privacy in this apartment and he is in class all day. I really needed to see him tonight while I have time off of work, but he's apparently busy. I really think the only way I could have this talk on the phone is if I got really trashed before hand.

 

[Caeth]

He made all the moves on you....he likes you. stop thinking there's something wrong when there isn't. proceed as if he likes you...and if he doesn't then he'll tell you. you have every reason to think he does like you...so you're not insane heh.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>It just feels completely innapropriate to call him and have that discussion.

It wasn't inappropriate to give him a blowjob when he asked for it, but it IS inappropriate to discuss it afterwards?

The answers you're looking for are there, if you want them. The real question may be whether or not you want to hear them.

Lex

 

[bigj]

But even if he did make all the moves, he was drinking and confused about this other guy he likes. And how many times a day to people drink and end up sleeping with somebody they regret in the morning? I'm so horribly confused that this is all I have thought about for the past week and when he said he was busy tonight I almost broke down. I'm pathetic here.

 

[bigj]

>>>It just feels completely innapropriate to call him and have that discussion.

It wasn't inappropriate to give him a blowjob when he asked for it, but it IS inappropriate to discuss it afterwards?

The answers you're looking for are there, if you want them. The real question may be whether or not you want to hear them.

Lex

Not innappropriate to have the conversation, just wrong to do it on the phone. And I guess the answers that I don't want are that he does like me. I'm leaving in two weeks and I fucking love him. If he were to say it was a mistake I could handle, but if he like it then it opens up a whole different world that I have to venture into. But he couldn't like me.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>And how many times a day to people drink and end up sleeping with somebody they regret in the morning?

Me? Never. But I'm weird.

If there isn't a good time to talk face-to-face, e-mail him. Make sure you give it a subject that implies that it's serious. "Really need to talk to you" or something. And lay it out for him. If you need help drafting it, let me know.

Lex

 

[Caeth]

uhm....then ask him? say "did we hook up only cause you were drunk or do you actually like me?"

It's an entirely reasonable question.

 

[dsh122]

The worst that can happen (rejection) you have already assumed and are suffering the consequences of. At least if you talk to him about your suspicions and feelings, you will know for certain.

 

[spreadeagle]

You have two issues to address before you can even consider the chance of a lasting relationship with this friend or with anyone else: your use of alcohol and your self-esteem. Go home after this internship is over and make an appointment to see a good counsellor.

 

[looseliam]

I don't see why some need answers and resolutions to everything. You two fooled around drunk.

You're leaving in a over a week.

Just leave it at that. If his attitude hasn't changed, move on. See what happened next year.

 

[panic1]

How random, i would feel a bit used. Maybe you should talk to him about it . . . stating with, you know th other night . . .