another topic abt TOP vs BOTTOM

[slobone]

A lot of guys can have sex without feeling like they have to act like either a top or a bottom. That is, you can fuck your buddy without necessarily feeling like you're any more masculine, or strong, or dominant than he is. Tomorrow, who knows, he could be fucking you.

But there definitely are guys who identify mostly as tops (ahem) or bottoms. For these kinds of guys, there's a psychological dimension that's an important part of the sexual experience. A top likes to feel as though he's in control, in charge, is dominating the other guy and/or protecting him.

Depending on the guy, it can be a loving relationship, daddy/son (sorry, but that's the terminology that's used). Or it can have a little more edge to it, with a stronger element of control or even punishment. Moving further in that direction we get to the world of BDSM (bondage discipline sadism masochism? I think).

A lot of this is role playing, of course. But there are guys who get into it very seriously, living in some sort of master/slave relationship with their partner. This is probably a very small number of people, though.

How can you tell who's who? For just regular guys who aren't heavy into role playing, there probably aren't any obvious outward signs. Certainly the idea that one or the other is more muscular doesn't match my experience. I suppose in general that tops are bigger and/or older than bottoms, but I've known plenty of exceptions.

The best way to tell is by what kind of vibe you get when the heat is on. If you're a true bottom, you can always tell when the guy you've just met is a top. And vice versa.

But again, if it's just a question of who fucks who or who blows who, there may not be that big a difference.

PS Then we have the phenomenon of the butch bottom, and other refinements. But we'll save that for the next lesson.

 

[slobone]

Don't bother guessing about me; you would be wrong. I have never limited myself to being a top or a bottom because to me the beauty of making love is being in tune with your partner's needs, and meeting them. If your partner shares that feeling, there is nothing more fulfilling...

??? Who says a top or bottom isn't in tune with his partner's needs? A bottom needs a top -- a top needs a bottom -- what could be more fulfilling?

 

[slobone]

^^^ These terms are used in different ways. When Eric is fucking you, then technically he's the top and you're the bottom. That says nothing about your respective personalities or the nature of your relationship outside of the bedroom.

But there are also guys who always or almost always assume one role or the other. In that case, I think you usually can kind of tell when you meet them. In my experience at least.

 

[mark1111]

Hate to break it to you but that statement is completely and utterly false.[/quote]


...but it made me laugh!

 

[theatreboi]

PS Then we have the phenomenon of the butch bottom, and other refinements. But we'll save that for the next lesson.

I wouldn't say I'm "Butch" but I am a VERY agressive bottom most of the time... but the current boy and I switch off. he's actually basically the same, but, i'm better than he is.

 

[Chris3800]

We switch off, for the first few months my BF was the bottom, but we were 50/50 taking turns for about a year and the last 4 months I've been the bottom and havent top'ed.

We never "seeked out a sexual relationship" Donis has it right, My boy and I didnt have sex for quite a wile when we met, we wanted to make sure we were right for eachother And we are, our sex is amazing

~Chris

 

[Dave_83]

I'm definetley a top when it comes to the guy im with now. I have never bottomed before. I'm just experiencing sex with a guy for the first time so I want to wait befor ei have something rammed up there. He sure as hell loves it though... so who knows.

 

[dolphwasser]

Here's my 'short and sweet' way to tell.

If a guy walks around with the butt area cut out of his jeans - he's a bottom.

If another guy comes along and plugs that guy's hole with his dick, he's a top.

And anything else.....how in the hell can you tell for sure???

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Nope, you can't tell be4hand for sure.

This is one of those situations, where actions speak louder than words.

The issue may be completely immaterial to some and very essential to the others.

A few guys, I have met over the years are total bottoms. They tried topping a dude a few times and they just did not like it. There is little point in pushing this any further (no pun intended).

Equally so, I know of relatively few total tops, who are not into bttming at all.

If a dude ain't a bottom or if he ain't versatile, what's the point in his dating another total top? To increase everybody's level of sexual frustration?

So, know thyself and be honest about it. Do not hide this before your prospective partner and things will have a good chance of going right

SC

 

[looseliam]

I consider myself to have a rather strong personality. I also run a business during the day.

So, honestly, when I come home I want to be taken care of and possible taken advantage of.

After making decisions all day, the last thing I need is to come home and decide what's for dinner and if I'm topping tonight.

 

[Lube]

Any type of guy, can like any type of position like that, or both. It doesn't always matter how the personality of the person is when it comes to this.

Exactly.

Being that I'm 'height challenged' and not particularly stocky, I never imagined myself as the strong Top type (fantasies notwithstanding!).

However, with a guy I'm dating now... well, let's just say we had a very interesting IM chat last night.

Very interesting.

 

[Lube]

(fantasies notwithstanding!)

Maybe that's part of it, too.

I've had hookups with a number of tall, muscular, Top-types. But I can't say their imaginations were all that great. So some of them didn't do much for me.

I have 42 years of repressed fantasies to make up for. I've got lots of imagination to spare.

 

[mega]

another question that I would like to ask: how do guess a gay guy is a top or a bottom?

Don't guess. Ask. It will save you trouble later...

 

[teh_nathan]

I have a strong personality but when it comes right down to it, I really wouldn't care, not that I've had a lot of experience either way.

I focus on other things than sex. If it came right down to sex though, I'd be willing to negotiate.

 

[Kyanimal]

"My" Kev, and I, have been together since 1982. He's 6.3yr. younger, 4.5in. taller, and was 50lb. (of beautiful muscles) heavier. (I've been gaining, but it hasn't been muscles! And he still has his!! )

Yet, when we met, I was the "Top" in nearly, almost, every aspect (not just sexually). I made the decisions. I was the one "in control" of what we did, where we went, what we bought, where we lived, what we did in bed, etc., etc., etc. I was the "dominant" one.

But, as the years have gone on, and with my support, and encouragement, for him to become more forthcoming about his own desires, and wishes, we are now "Even"! Which one is "Top", or "Bottom", in Everything, has been 50/50 for a Long time! The "Trick" is to share, and share alike!!

My point is, you can discover a whole lot more by being willing to be versatile! Don't confine yourself, or anyone else, to "Pigeon Holes"!! Life without Limits!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Soilwork]

Bottoms like to have a dick up their assholes.

Past that, there's not a lot of common veins.

 

[Kyanimal]

"common veins"

Jasun ... You crack me up! (Or ... is that ... Up me crack?)

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

P.S.
Robertac ... -< )

 

[looseliam]

Bottoms like to have a dick up their assholes.

Past that, there's not a lot of common veins.

It always amuses me when one needs to state the obvious. =]